Betrayal?
by Truvoyal
Summary: The Enterprise encounters beings from another galaxy that have been searching specifically for the seven senior officers: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scott, Sulu, Uhura, and Chekov. It becomes at once the worst and best experience of Kirk's life as he struggles with Spock's apparent betrayal.
1. Prologue

Prologue

He woke from rest that day very troubled. The source of his trouble was a dream. Rightly it was more than a dream - vision would be a better word. He had heard of those who received visions and he did not want to be one of them. A vision set you apart too much, and gave you a responsibility to be true to the vision, whatever the cost.

Many times that day, he went over the contents of that vision. First, he had seen a large cluster of lights in a double spiral pattern. Then, an object, seemingly within the lights, such as he had never seen before. It was a disk-shape with three oblong things attached to it, two above and one below. The one below was shorter and fatter than the other two. The vision changed again. Within the disk, he saw a ring of seven beings. At least, he got the impression they were beings. The ring of seven was as it should be, but the beings were not like those he was familiar with.

They had only four arms, instead of fourteen, and they moved weirdly - jerky not smooth. And yet he was sure they were not animals, but sentient beings. They didn't seem to have the colors of life at all, though they did differ from each other somewhat. Mostly, they were a dark red color; the differences were most apparent at the top of each creature. Some were topped with black, others with a shade of brown. They all had some kind of bump on each side of the top, but the shape of one set of bumps was very different - pointed on top, instead of rounded. One of the beings seemed much darker than the others, but that did not seem to make it any less alive.

The vision gave him a clear picture of the top of each of the seven creatures. Apparently, they were to be identified by their unique appearance - a very odd concept. When the vision again showed him the entire ring of beings, a very strange thing happened. One of them, the one with pointed bumps, placed the end of one arm on the top of the being next to him. That being fell over. He got the distinct impression that this had been a form of attack. Then the pointed-bumps one withdrew from the ring, coiled in isolation. The one on the other side picked up the one that had fallen down. What happened next was most strange. Instead of reforming the ring without the one who had attacked, the victim left the ring himself, went to the attacker and drew him back into the ring.

When the ring was again completely whole, the vision changed once more. Each of the beings turned around, breaking contact with each other. Yet he had the sense that their ring was not broken at all. They then moved outward to join with his people, one to each of the seven clans.

As the vision ended, he was left with the pervading thought that these strange creatures had something that his people needed, indeed could not survive without. He was certain that this something was related to the reason the victim had drawn the attacker back into the ring. He didn't understand it, but he knew the vision required him to seek out these creatures, wherever they might be, and learn the key truth they possessed. The future of his people depended on it. And if it cost his life, that was a price that had to be paid. That was the nature of visions.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Captain James T. Kirk was enjoying a cup of coffee late one evening in the officers' mess of the _USS Enterprise_. Seated across from him at the table was Leonard McCoy, his chief medical officer. The two were alone. McCoy was grousing on his favorite subject: Spock.

"Jim, why can't you order him to get some rest? After all, that thing out there will still be there tomorrow. He has a perfectly competent staff. Why can't he delegate?"

"Bones, you know as well as I do that Spock goes without sleep for several days at a time regularly. So what's the problem?" Kirk took another sip of coffee.

"I'm remembering a time when he took observations for six weeks without sleep. He got interrupted with one of those crises that you like so well." McCoy waggled his eyebrows. "As a result, he almost died from exhaustion."

"But we just got here yesterday, and I didn't get the impression from Spock that he thought it would take more than a week or two. So what are you really worried about?"

"I'm just afraid he's going to burn himself out. He's no spring chicken, you know, even if he is half-Vulcan."

Kirk put down his coffee mug. "This isn't really about Spock at all, is it?"

McCoy sighed. "Jim, how often do you think about death? Or life after death?"

"I've been cheating death for years, and you and Spock have been helping me do it. Doesn't mean I plan on dying of old age."

"And life after death - What do you think about that?"

"I don't think about it. I'm sure Spock has an opinion," Kirk said with a wry grin.

"Are you afraid of death?"

"I suppose. It's human nature, after all. But I don't lose any sleep worrying about it, either before or after a crisis. I used to worry about losing my nerve. Lately, I worry most about making a mistake that will cost the lives of some of these kids we have aboard masquerading as officers. It makes me feel old just to look at them."

He gave McCoy a quirky smile. "Why are you asking me all these introspective questions? Gathering data for your latest report on the psychological condition of the captain?" His smile widened to a grin, robbing the words of any sting.

But McCoy wasn't amused. "No, Jim, it's nothing like that." He paused. "I read a medical report recently that's got me considering a lot of things."

Kirk sensed McCoy's serious mood. "Tell me about it."

At that moment, the intercom whistled. "_Bridge to Captain Kirk."_

With a helpless gesture, Kirk rose to answer it. "Kirk here."

It was Uhura. "_Captain, I'm receiving a priority one call. 'Captain's Eyes Only'."_

"Very well, Commander. I'll take it in my quarters. And warn Spock that he's about to get interrupted."

_"Yes, sir. Bridge out."_

"Sorry, Bones."

"Never mind. It'll keep." Kirk went out the door, as McCoy muttered to himself, "Here we go again." However, he was not altogether displeased at being interrupted, because he was not at all sure how to tell Jim what he had to say. That medical tape had completely changed his perspective on life, but telling Jim about it was not going to be easy.

Kirk activated the intercom in his quarters and waited for the retina scan identity check. When the message came through, he sat up a little straighter, even though he knew it was a recording. The image on the screen was that of the Chief of Operations. He was an old acquaintance, one of the few survivors from the _Farragut_. Kirk had outranked him then, but he didn't envy his position now, and they both knew it.

"_Captain Kirk, we have a most unusual crisis on our hands. We have received a series of reports. Summaries are attached. Analysis indicates these encounters are related. The technology __is far beyond anything we've heard of. Also, we cannot be certain whether we are dealing with one vessel with amazing speed capabilities, or with a fleet of vessels. What is most peculiar about this unknown enemy is that they appear to be searching for you specifically. Images of you and your senior officers were retained in the minds of those they encountered. Jim, I'm aware that we're sending you into what is very probably a trap. Unfortunately, we have no choice. We must find out who these people are and what they want. If they are as powerful as their technology suggests, a frontal assault will probably be useless. But if I don't hear from you within three days, I'm going to have trouble convincing certain people that we shouldn't mount a force to counter the invasion. Vaya con Dios, Jim."_

The image of Admiral Jorge Perón disappeared, replaced by several pages of text, summarizing the reports he had referred to. Kirk read them twice before calling the Bridge.

_"Bridge. Sulu here, Captain."_

"Mr. Sulu. New orders. How fast can you get us to these coordinates?" He read off the last known position of the alien vessel(s).

_"One moment, Captain." _A long pause. _"About two days at Warp Four."_

"Make it Warp Six. And send Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy to my quarters."

_"Yes, sir. Sulu out."_

Spock and McCoy arrived within minutes. Neither was surprised to be summoned.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your scientific study, Spock. I trust the phenomenon will still be here when we get back." Kirk gestured them to sit down.

"No apology is necessary, Captain."

Folding his arms across his chest, McCoy retorted, "You're assuming that we _will_ get back."

"Why such a gloomy outlook, Bones? You don't even know what this is about yet."

"I don't have to know. Every time you get one of those priority one calls, it means there's another crisis. And the nature of a crisis is that we may not survive it."

Spock cocked an eyebrow. "Present indications show that the phenomenon is unlikely to alter its position in the near future. However, that would appear to be irrelevant, since the nature of a crisis is such that it takes precedence over mere scientific study."

Kirk jumped in before McCoy had a chance to respond. "This is a rather unusual situation. Let me play the message for you." He played the entire message, including the report summaries. "Comments, gentlemen?"

"How could an alien intelligence that nobody's ever heard of acquire pictures of _us_? And what do they want with furniture?"

"Most distressing, Captain. I find it illogical to assume their intentions are hostile."

"Go on, Spock."

"The encounters are not indicative of invasion tactics. With the exception of the first report, the victims were unharmed. Since the first victim appears to have died of shock, that may have been accidental. The items taken have no military or strategic value. Rather, it appears they have a need to furnish accommodations for seven humanoid creatures. One assumes that they are _not_ humanoid."

"Who do you suppose they are making these preparations for?" McCoy asked.

"That is obvious, Doctor. The question is why?"

"Exactly," Kirk responded. "I'm sending copies of these reports to your station. At Warp Six, we'll arrive at the site of their most recent appearance in a day and a half. But if they find us first, we may not have nearly that much time. Therefore, I want a briefing for the seven of us in two hours."

"Understood, Captain. If there is nothing else..."

"Go ahead, Spock. I'll be up shortly."

Spock left, but McCoy started to pace, even though there wasn't really enough room.

"What is obvious to you and Spock is not obvious to me. What did I miss?"

"Bones, how many chairs did they take? And how many beds?"

"Seven."

"Whose pictures were in the minds of the victims?"

"Ours."

"And how many of us are there?"

"Four hundred and thirty."

"Not the whole crew, just us. You, me, Spock, Sulu, Chekov, Uhura, and Scotty."

"Sorry, I'm just tired. You think they want us in particular?"

"So does the Admiral, but he thinks it's a trap. He's giving me just three days to prove their intentions aren't hostile." Kirk leaned back in his chair nonchalantly.

"We're supposed to walk into their trap, in order to prove they're just trying to be nice?!" McCoy sputtered.

"We aren't exactly walking; we're going Warp Six. But yes, that's the general idea. Besides, trap or no trap, we have to find out what they want. There's no point in trying to hide. They'd find us sooner than later, I'm guessing."

"And what makes you think they _aren't_ hostile?"

"Spock has his logic. I have a hunch. This one's going to be interesting - very interesting - but fatal? I don't think so."

"I sincerely hope you're right." McCoy's worried look did not fade. "I'm double-checking the stock in Sickbay, just the same."

They gathered in Briefing Room Two. Kirk summarized the situation, then opened the meeting for discussion. "Comments, questions, opinions, anyone?"

Sulu asked, "Can you read that list of things they took?"

Spock replied, "One table, seven chairs, seven beds, one food replicator, and one portable sanitation unit."

"Sounds like they plan on a stay of some time," Chekov put in.

Scotty wanted to know, "How full was the replicator? And was it a stand-alone unit?"

"Yes, and it had just been filled the day before it was taken," responded Spock.

Uhura said, "Surely, Mr. Spock, you have calculated how many days of food that is."

"There are too many unknown variables to allow for any degree of accuracy."

"Guess, Mr. Spock," Kirk ordered. "Two days, two weeks, two months?"

"Probably closer to two months than two days."

"I don't plan on staying anywhere near two months."

McCoy piped up, "But how long do _they_ plan on keeping us?" No one answered.

Chekov inquired, "I don't see how ve can be sure it's _us_ they vant."

Spock responded, "We cannot be certain. However, it is a logical conclusion from the data we have. None of the victims had any prior access to Starfleet records. Two of them recognized the uniform. All four surviving victims were shown pictures of a hundred officers. The most recent victim picked out all seven of us, and even the oldest identified four of us."

"What makes ye think their intentions are nae hostile?" Scotty asked.

"The victims, except for the first, were unharmed. The material taken was non-military, and their contacts have remained on the fringes of the explored galaxy. They have made no attempt to come closer. I rather think they are hoping we will come to them. Why else leave our pictures in the minds of the victims?"

Chekov wasn't satisfied. "On the other hand, they could just as easily be luring us into a trap, so they can vipe us out."

Uhura pointed out, "But if that's the case, why bother with the furnishings? Why not just the pictures?"

"What I want to know is what do they want with us?" wondered Sulu.

Kirk summed up, "That's the big question. And the only way we're going to find out is by asking them." He paused. "Any other questions?"

"Captain, there is one other thing."

"Yes, Mr. Spock."

"From the reports, we must assume they have the capability of removing us from this ship without warning. May I suggest certain precautions?"

"Of course. From this point on, everyone is to carry phaser, communicator, and tricorder on their person at all times. Also, better prepare your departments to do without you for a while. This ship may have to survive without any of its senior officers. Let's get them as prepared as possible. Dismissed."

At 0200 hours, Kirk had just finished giving explicit orders to Lieutenant Tanis, who would take the conn if they all disappeared.

"Captain, message from Starfleet."

"On screen."

"Yes, sir."

It was Admiral Perón again. "_Captain__, I thought you should know, we've had another contact. This was at Starbase 14. The victim was the communications officer on duty. I'm afraid we must assume they now have a pretty good idea who and where you are. We have no more information about them, however. It happened too fast, and nobody got on top of it soon enough to get any kind of a reading. I'm sorry. Now that they're attacking Starbase personnel, I'm going to have to cut your time to forty-eight hours. I need answers, fast. Perón out."_

"That means, they'll be here any time. Shields up. Go to Yellow Alert. Uhura, please send acknowledgment."

"Yes, sir."

Fifteen minutes passed and nothing happened. Kirk hated waiting. He tried to think of anything he had left undone. McCoy had not yet appeared on the Bridge, which was unlike him. He was just about to call Sickbay, when the Red Alert siren went off.

"Unknown vessel approaching at high speed, Captain," Spock informed him, leaning over his viewer. "We are being scanned. Shields fully operational, but appear to have no effect." A tone of wary respect was ignored by the crew, who were busily doing their jobs.

"Vessel has come around and is matching our speed, sir," reported Sulu.

"Drop out of warp and come to full stop, but do it slowly. I don't want them thinking we're trying to evade them."

"Aye, sir."

"Uhura, open hailing frequencies."

"Trying, Captain. No response."

"Spock, can we have visual?"

"Yes, sir. On screen."

The alien vessel was so close, that they could not see the entire vessel. Spock backed off the magnification twice, and they still couldn't get the whole thing.

"Sulu, back us off a little."

"I'm trying, sir. He keeps following us."

Spock reported, "Scanners show no evidence of other vessels in the area. Alien vessel has impenetrable shields. Beyond confirmation of its size, I can get no useful data, Captain. It is approximately ten point three seven times larger than we are."

"Full stop, Captain. They matched our speed all the way down."

Uhura shook her head. "Still no response, Captain."

Suddenly, they lost all power: no lights, no gravity, no air circulation, no engine sound, no response from any instrumentation. All systems inoperative, including the computer. Kirk grabbed the railing he had been standing next to and tried to reach Scotty, but the intercom was also out.

"Is everyone okay? Anyone missing?" Various responses.

"One at a time, please. Counterclockwise, starting with Uhura." A much more orderly roll call finishing with Spock.

"I believe all are accounted for, Captain. We must restore air circulation within eight minutes. I can do nothing from here. With your permission, I will attempt to reach Engineering, where I may assist Mr. Scott."

"Go ahead, Spock. You stay here, Lieutenant Martin." He was Spock's chosen replacement. "Lieutenant Burns, see what you can do with the emergency lighting up here." Burns was the engineer on Bridge duty.

"Permission to assist, Keptin?"

"Okay, Chekov, but everyone else stay put. We don't need any accidents."

Two minutes later, the air circulation came back on. Kirk was positive Spock had not had time to get all the way to Engineering yet. In the next minute, gravity was restored, slowly, 1/10 g. at a time. And just as Burns reported no success with the lighting, the emergency lights suddenly came on. Kirk tried the intercom again, but it still wasn't working.

"Status report. Is anything else working?" Various negatives in response. "So. They want us alive, but completely helpless. Mr. Burns, is the turbolift working?"

"Negative, Captain."

"Chekov, organize Security to check all decks. Find the injured, if any, and get them to Sickbay. Uhura, organize all non-essential personnel into a message relay system. I want a status report from all decks and every essential post. Especially, I want communication with Engineering. Mr. Burns and Mr. Martin, see what you can do to get that computer working. Mr. Sulu, as soon as you have power to do so, get us out of here. Mr. Sims, if Mr. Sulu is not here, the order stands. Get this ship out of here, even if you have to leave us behind. Mr. Tanis, you'll be responsible for enforcing that order if I'm not here. Understood?"

"Aye, sir." Sulu was used to this kind of order. Sims and Tanis weren't.

Kirk fixed each of them with a steely glare. "The over four hundred lives aboard this ship are far more important than the seven of us. Do I make myself clear?"

He got reluctant 'Yes, sir's from each of them.

"Good. Mr. Tanis, man Communications; Mr. Sims, take Navigation." Kirk went up to confer with Burns and Martin on the computer.

Sims spoke quietly to Sulu. "Does he really mean that?"

"Oh yes, he certainly does."

Tanis walked by. "You're one of the seven, and he didn't even _ask_ you."

"He doesn't need to. Every one of us would say the same thing, and he knows it. He also knows that before this is over, you may be in the position of _having_ to leave us behind. He wants it on record that he told you to. He knows how hard a decision that is, and he wishes he could spare you from having to make it. But he can't, so he does the next best thing."

Tanis asked, "You could tell all that from what he said?"

Sulu smiled. "We've been through this scenario many times before, and no, he's never said all that in so many words, but I know it anyway."

Sims murmured, "Wow! No wonder you'd follow him anywhere."

Sulu chuckled. "You will too, if you hang around long enough."

Burns reported there was nothing wrong with the computer. It simply wasn't getting any power. Suddenly, its screen lit up, as did the main viewing screen. Kirk looked up to see an image of a grassy plain, that could have been Kansas, Argentina, or the middle of Africa. The same image was on the computer screen. Tanis shook his head in bewilderment; the Comm board was still dead.

The next moment, Kirk was standing on the grassy plain, and the Bridge of the _Enterprise_ had disappeared. Sulu, who had been seated at the Helm, was sprawled on the grass beside him. As Kirk turned to give him a hand up, he observed that the others were there too, snatched from wherever they had been at the time. Kirk opened his communicator.

"Kirk to _Enterprise_." No response.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Captain, the tricorder readings suggest we may be on a holodeck, quite large," Spock offered.

"I wonder how big? Spread out everyone. Keep taking readings. Let's see if these communicators work. And phasers on stun. Any life form readings?"

Chekov answered, "Nothing larger than field mice, Keptin."

McCoy quipped, "Watch out for snakes. I didn't bring a snake-bite kit."

When they had enlarged the circle to a diameter of approximately forty meters, Spock called Kirk on his communicator.

"Readings indicate we are at the perimeter. However, I suspect the deck may well be longer than it is wide. Scott and Chekov may not be at the perimeter."

"Okay, Spock, stay put and I'll come to you. This will probably only work once."

"Understood, Captain. Ready when you get here. Spock out."

Kirk took off on a dead run for Spock's position. Making no effort to slow down as he approached, it seemed that he was about to tackle Spock, as if they were on a football field. Instead, he stepped into Spock's laced hands, and Spock threw him over his shoulder, straight at the perimeter wall, which they could not see, but were sure was there. Kirk ran into the wall with a thud, and fell to the floor, slightly dazed. He got a momentary glimpse of the real wall, but before he could stand up and try to find a door, he suddenly found himself back in the middle of the grassy plain, with the others back in their original positions. Sulu helped him stand up.

Scotty yelled, "Cap'n, they've taken all o' the tricorders!"

"Communicators are gone too, Captain, " reported Uhura.

Chekov noted, "Ve still have phasers, though."

"Probably only because they don't know what they are," observed Kirk.

"Use 'em and lose 'em," retorted McCoy.

Sulu inquired, "What were you tackling Spock for, Captain, if I may ask?"

"Confirming that this is indeed a holodeck. But I didn't get a chance to find a door."

"It seems apparent they do not intend to allow us to look for one. I do not understand the purpose for confining us here," Spock puzzled.

Suddenly, they heard a big roar, as from a large beast. Turning outward, they saw an enormous lion approaching slowly.

"Captain, if that is indeed a male lion, the real danger lies in the opposite direction, where the females lie in wait to ambush us, as we flee the obvious danger."

"What are the chances that this is the life-form we're here to contact?"

"Extremely unlikely, Captain. Except for its large size, it appears to be a Terran lion. Its behavior is typical of a male of the species. It is not logical that the makers of this holodeck would appear to us in the form of Terran lions."

"Okay. Scotty, Bones, Uhura, keep that lion at bay. Don't stun him, unless you have to. The rest of you, let's go find the females."

They made short work of stunning the four female lions. Abruptly, they were back where they started, this time without the phasers. In fact, all other equipment was gone too, which meant Scotty had no tools, and McCoy had no medicine. The male lion approached.

Sulu glared. "We're supposed to fight lions with our bare hands?!"

McCoy was more philosophical. "Is this Daniel in the lions' den, or Christians in the Roman Colosseum?"

Uhura had a constructive idea. "Maybe I could braid a grass whip."

"Give it a try. Anybody else with nimble fingers?"

Spock, Sulu, and McCoy joined her. Kirk, Chekov, and Scotty stood guard. The male lion prowled and roared, but didn't approach. After about ten minutes, Kirk saw the females advancing.

"We're about out of time. What have you got?"

They had four short grass whips. Uhura gave hers to Kirk; Bones gave his to Chekov. They chased the lions off by yelling, waving their arms, and hitting their noses with the grass whips. This time, when they were returned to original position, the grass whips were gone. And there was no time to make more, because the lions were already attacking. Kirk was thoroughly angry at the whole situation, so he charged the nearest lion and tackled her to the ground. All but Spock watched in stunned horror, oblivious to their own peril. Spock was moving as soon as he saw Kirk begin his charge. By the time Kirk was on the ground, with the lion standing over him, Spock was in position to jump on the lion's back and choke her with a strangle-hold. When she lost consciousness, he looked up to observe the other lions retreating. He turned to examine Kirk, who was conscious and smiling.

"Thanks. That was a dumb thing to do, but I was mad."

"Indeed."

McCoy rushed up, concern for Kirk all over his face. "Jim, you idiot! You're bleeding in a dozen places, and I have nothing to treat you with!"

"Bones, they're just scratches."

"You call this gash on your arm a scratch?!" He was efficiently bandaging while he talked. "There's nothing I can do for these deep ones across your chest. And I've nothing to clean them with, so they'll probably get infected."

"I've always appreciated your bedside manner." Kirk rose shakily to his feet.

"Try to stay out of trouble."

"I'm open to suggestions."

They were transported back to original positions. Kirk just stood there, trying to think up new tactics.

Chekov muttered, "Not again!"

Kirk looked up to see the lions approaching.

"I'll do it this time, Captain," Sulu volunteered. He began running towards the nearest lion. What happened next was too fast to register in Kirk's conscious mind. Sulu tripped and fell. Before Kirk could react, he was transported to a point directly in front of the lion. In the next moment, he was on his back again fending off tooth and claw. Spock appeared exactly on time, and the beast was subdued as before.

"Spock, did you see what I think I saw?"

"I believe so, Captain. They have apparently changed tactics."

McCoy rushed up, clearly upset. "I thought I told you to stay out of trouble!"

"How's Sulu?"

"Doctor, before you touch anything, I have a theory I wish to confirm."

"Out of my way, you green-blooded computer! Can't you see I'm busy?"

Spock continued as if uninterrupted. "Think for a moment about the Captain's wounds after the first encounter. Compare with what you see before you now."

"They're exactly the same!" McCoy's hands stopped in mid-air. "Spock, that's impossible."

"Not on a holodeck, it isn't. They are apparently forcing repetition of certain portions of the program."

"Is Sulu okay?" Kirk repeated impatiently.

"He's fine, but madder than a hornet," McCoy admitted while continuing his work.

"I understand. I'm mad too. I hate being the rat in a maze."

"Nevertheless, Captain," Spock pointed out, "The fastest way out of the maze is to do exactly what they want you to do. While you would prefer to thwart their purposes, there is a limit to how much of this treatment your body can tolerate."

"You're right, of course. So, Doctor, your handiwork is wasted. You're just going to have to do it again in a few minutes." He raised his voice. "Listen up, everyone. Next time try to do exactly what you did the time before last. Let's see how close we can come to an exact repetition. Sorry, Mr. Sulu, I know it's not fair, but they seem to be enamoured of my stupidity."

Everyone laughed, Kirk stood up, and they were transported back to original positions. Kirk charged the lion, Spock moved into position, and the whole thing was over in less than two minutes. Before McCoy could even get there, they were transported to someplace new altogether.

"Bingo," murmured Kirk. Wounds forgotten, Kirk was on his feet looking around. "Table, chairs, beds, food processor, and head. All the comforts of home." Looking down at himself, "Too bad there's no uniform replicator. Mom always said I was hard on clothes." He paused. "Scotty, check out the food processor. Chekov, see if the head works."

"Captain, may I point out the food processor may have been altered. Prudence dictates an experiment to determine whether the food has been poisoned or drugged."

McCoy knew Kirk would choose himself to be the guinea pig. "Jim, don't you think you owe it to Sulu?"

Kirk smiled at McCoy's shrewdness. "Okay, Sulu, I owe you one. Scotty, Sulu's your taste tester. Serve him up a hearty last meal."

"Scotty, I don't suppose you could make that thing produce alcohol or honey?"

"We might be able to manage the honey. How much do ye need, Doctor? It's nae designed fer alcoholic drinks, so it'd take me a couple o' hours to set up a still."

"I'll settle for a couple of pounds of honey, and the alcohol as soon as you can. It doesn't have to be drinkable; I'm after an antiseptic." Turning to Kirk, "And you, Captain, into the shower with you. I want those wounds washed with soap. This is the Dark Ages and I'm in charge of the torture chamber. And I've got no pain killers of any kind."

Kirk went willingly. Knowing how upset McCoy was, he vowed to hide the pain as well as he could. As they disappeared into the head, Uhura spoke quietly to Spock.

"Sir, have you noticed the one thing this hotel is missing is a door?"

"So, does that make us guests or prisoners?" asked Chekov.

"I believe the Captain called it 'walking into the trap'. However, we have yet to ascertain the purpose for which they want us here. I am intrigued that of all the ways we fought the lions, the scene they chose to repeat was the most barbaric."

"Maybe they just vanted to know if he vould choose to do it again," wondered Chekov.

Uhura chuckled. "They don't know him like we do."

"Indeed, they do not know any of us. Perhaps you are correct. They may be seeking to plumb our character. But that does not explain why they wish to do so."

About a half hour later, Kirk and McCoy emerged from the head. If anything, McCoy looked worse than Kirk, but both were smiling, obviously glad that was over. Sulu had apparently suffered no ill effects from the food, so they sat down to enjoy a brief meal together. Scotty munched on a sandwich, while continuing to work on the still. Kirk studied each crew member, and was satisfied with what he saw. They were alert but relaxed, ready for whatever came next. He wished he had some idea what that was.

"So, here we are. We've survived the first hour. Observations, insights, anyone?"

Chekov spoke first. "Sir, do you still think their intentions are non-hostile?"

"I haven't seen anything yet that proves they're hostile."

Incensed, McCoy pounded the table. "The ship is completely helpless, you're left torn and bleeding, not once but three times in a row, and you don't call that hostile?!"

Spock interrupted, "Not necessarily, Doctor."

McCoy wasn't finished. "Not to mention the fact that we're prisoners."

Spock continued, "But there is a vast difference between non-hostile and friendly."

"What's with the lion fight?" asked Sulu. "And why do it over and over again?"

Uhura volunteered, "We talked about that earlier. Maybe they're trying to get to know us by observing us in action."

"If so," Sulu replied, "it's pretty one-sided. Why won't they talk to us?"

"Maybe they're so much more intelligent than we are, that they don't consider us people at all," Uhura wondered.

"Yeah," Chekov said, "And maybe they're just paranoid."

Scotty had another thought. "Speakin' o' bein' paranoid, ye'd best be rememberin' that it's likely they're listenin' to ever' word we say, and watchin' everythin' we do."

"Of course. It's worth a try." Kirk stood and moved away from the table, addressing the air. "This is Captain James Kirk of the starship _Enterprise_. We got your message and have come at your request. We would like to assist you in whatever way we can. Please tell us what it is you want with us."

There was no response. Just as Kirk gave up waiting for one, they were suddenly transported to new surroundings. Kirk thought fleetingly that Scotty might have an opinion or two about this transporter that worked in the blink of an eye. But that question would have to wait until later. He was the only one that had been standing, so he did a quick 360° survey of the immediate surroundings, while the others got to their feet. No obvious danger in sight. The terrain was somewhat hilly, mixed forest, temperate zone.

Kirk looked at Spock. "Holodeck, again?"

"Most probably, Captain."

"Okay, everyone stay close. Find a weapon from what's at hand. There's no telling what they've got cooked up for this round."

He grabbed a stout stick and strode into the woods, following a sort of path. The others followed suit. Within five minutes, they heard sounds indicating the approach of a very large creature. Kirk stopped, and the others closed up ranks. Then they saw it, coming toward them on the path. It was an enormous bear. When it saw them, it sat up on its haunches. Kirk estimated its height at twelve feet.

"Maybe it won't attack, but I'm not betting on it. Everybody quietly get off the path. Fade into the woods and find a tree to climb. Get twenty feet up if you can." Kirk held eye contact with the bear, until he heard the path empty behind him.

"Captain. Ten feet behind you and five feet off the path to your left."

Kirk slowly backed up until he could see the tree Spock referred to. Then he broke eye contact with the bear and dashed for the tree, climbing the first ten feet in two seconds. The bear charged, and Kirk made the second ten feet in another thirty seconds. The bear lost interest and wandered away. Shortly thereafter, they were transported back to their starting position.

"Suggestions, anyone?"

"I hope you're not thinking of charging the bear like you did the lion?!" McCoy retorted.

"No, I'm not. I would prefer to avoid it altogether. But I doubt we'll be given that option."

Chekov suggested, "Maybe, ve could build a fort."

"Okay. Scout around. We probably don't have much time."

They surveyed the immediate vicinity, and found a group of boulders that could be fortified with some nearby dead wood. Within a few minutes, they had barricaded themselves in. And nothing happened. Five minutes went by, and the bear did not appear. They were in extremely cramped quarters, practically on top of each other. After another five minutes, they began talking.

Sulu quipped, "Maybe he's having trouble with his program."

Chekov had a darker opinion. "On the other hand, maybe he vants us to think the bear's not coming, so ve'll leave our fort and be caught in the open."

Scotty chuckled. "It could be he wants ta know how long we c'n survive in such cramped quarters."

McCoy observed, "We can survive physically a lot longer than emotionally. I think he's playing mind games."

Uhura could not avoid touching Spock. "I'm sorry, Mr. Spock." Vulcans avoided physical contact because of their telepathic ability.

"Do not distress yourself with what cannot be helped. Captain, may I suggest that an adjustment in the seating arrangements would make everyone more comfortable. You, Mr. Scott, and myself could sit on the ground. The others would sit on top of us. One person at a time could stand to restore circulation."

Everyone realized the sacrifice Spock was making, but no one wanted to embarrass him by mentioning it.

"Very well. Uhura, you stand first. Sulu, my lap is yours."

Chekov sat on Spock, and McCoy on Scotty. For the next half hour, they traded positions every few minutes. Kirk was tired. He closed his eyes and pondered their situation, as the others talked quietly. He guessed McCoy's assessment was probably accurate, and he wasn't about to admit they couldn't tolerate any more of this. From the sound of his people's voices, they were handling it all right. Spock was silent, but that was to be expected. Kirk opened his eyes and looked at Spock, as if to get a reading on Spock's emotional state. Spock returned the gaze, and gave a slight nod of the head, as if to say, 'I'm okay.' Kirk turned away and found McCoy looking at him. So Kirk nodded his head too, telling McCoy he was okay. Kirk closed his eyes again, wondering how long before the aliens gave up waiting for them to crack up. Suddenly, the boulder he was leaning against disappeared. They were sprawled on the ground in the clearing where they began. Sounds of the imminent approach of the bear were apparent. They scattered to find trees to climb. None were to be found with reachable branches. The nest of boulders they had just been in had also disappeared.

"Sulu! Help Spock get Scotty up this tree. Chekov, you help me with Uhura and McCoy. Stand on my shoulders. Up you go."

Sulu and Chekov were quickly up their respective trees. Uhura and McCoy were assisted by Kirk from below and Chekov from above. Scotty also made it into the tree with Sulu. That left only Spock and Kirk on the ground. No words were needed. They each found a large stick and turned to face the approaching bear. Not wanting to run into trees, they moved back into the clearing in order to gain room to maneuver. The fight was short. Kirk and Spock circled, each trying to take the bear's attention away from the other. Consequently, the bear was confused and did not attack either of them.

Unbeknownst to Kirk and Spock, Sulu and Chekov had not stayed in their respective trees, but had dropped to the ground. They had made their way to the edge of the clearing, and were watching for a chance to help. Suddenly, Spock seemed to trip and fall. When he did not rise immediately, the bear prepared to launch an attack. Kirk dashed in and threw Spock to the edge of the clearing, leaving his back facing the bear. Suddenly, phaser fire ripped through the air, and the bear collapsed behind Kirk. Sulu and Chekov rose and walked to Kirk, phasers dangling in their hands.

"I don't understand it, sir; it just appeared in my hand. Firing it was an instinctive reaction."

"Well, Sulu, I'm glad you have good instincts. How's Spock?"

Spock rose. "I am uninjured, Captain. There was a force field of some kind restricting my movements. Fascinating that it appeared to have no effect on you."

Kirk turned to Chekov. "Are the others still in the trees?"

"They vere vhen I left, Keptin."

Kirk observed Sulu's sheepish grin. "Well, I suggest we assist them in descending to _terra firma_. We wouldn't want anyone to break a leg, would we?"

Sulu replied, "Oh no, sir, we wouldn't."

As soon as everyone was again on the ground, they were transported back to the clearing. The bear was not in sight, but again they heard sounds of its imminent approach. Kirk was fed up with the whole thing.

"Everybody scatter in all directions. Let's see if we can overload the program."

Kirk didn't get more than twenty meters, before he was transported back to the clearing, facing the bear. Again Spock tripped, Kirk threw him to safety, and the bear was subdued with phasers.

"Well, now we know which scenario they like best, and they're not above engineering it by controlling Spock. I wonder if the tree climbing is essential, or if we could skip that part."

"Unknown, Captain, but I would be interested in finding out. I'm developing a theory, and it would add to the available data. Meanwhile, I suspect the rest of the crew are indeed up a tree and awaiting our rescue."

They helped Scotty, Uhura, and McCoy out of the trees, were transported back to the clearing, and Kirk explained that they were going to duplicate the previous scenario, omitting the tree climbing.

"That means, if the bear breaks through to your position, scatter in all directions. It can only follow one of you. Any questions?"

Scotty had a comment. "I'll be just as glad ta stay out o' the tree, Captain. Heights are nae my favorite pastime." This, in spite of the fact that he was perfectly happy working in zero-g regularly.

"I nearly fell out of mine!" McCoy complained. "One second I'm running on the ground, and the next I'm twenty feet up, clinging to a tree limb." Uhura grinned at him. "Not funny!"

"All right, places everyone. The bear is almost here."

Scotty, McCoy, and Uhura took up position under the trees they had climbed. Sulu and Chekov hid at the edge of the clearing. Spock and Kirk began circling. The scene proceeded like clockwork, just as it had before. The only difference was that they didn't have to get the others out of the trees. They came running as soon as they heard the phaser fire. Once in the clearing, they were transported back to the room with the stolen furnishings.

Without a word, Scotty returned to his work on the still. Uhura and Chekov dispensed cold drinks to each one. McCoy tried to examine Kirk's wounds, but Kirk waved him away. His exertions had reopened the wounds, but he didn't have time for McCoy's ministrations just yet.

"Sulu, I'm curious," he began. "I notice you don't have the phasers now. Did you keep them all the way through the last two rounds, or did they reappear in your hand?"

"They reappeared each time."

"Was the timing exactly the same?"

Chekov responded, "Yes, sir. It vas the wery same moment you threw Mr. Spock every single time."

"Thank you. Mr. Scott, what do think of their technology?"

"Well, sir, I'd say it's far beyond anythin' in the known galaxy."

"Mr. Spock, what theory are you developing about all this?"

Spock began with his usual disclaimer. "The available data are far too insufficient to draw any definite conclusions." He paused, and Kirk just waited. "However, certain things seem apparent. As Mr. Scott indicated, we are dealing with an intelligence whose technology far exceeds our own. It is unknown whether their mental capacities exceed ours. It is also unknown whether their intentions are hostile, although they obviously do not intend to kill us, at least not yet. The purpose for which they want us is most puzzling. It is difficult to imagine a reason for which they need the seven of us - not just any group of humanoids - but specifically us. The two episodes on the holodeck provide the only data, but any conclusions are mere speculation.

"The episodes resemble Starfleet Academy simulations with two important differences. There are obviously no controls in place to prevent injury. We do not know if they would prevent death, but we must assume not. Secondly and most significantly, this intelligence wishes to dictate the action in certain parts of the simulations. In both episodes, they forced an exact repetition of a specific part of what had happened before. In addition, during the second episode, they forced that action to occur in the first place. So the question is: what happened in those two scenarios that was different from the rest of the episodes? The obvious answer is they both contained life-threatening circumstances. Danger existed in all of it, but only in these two was someone in imminent danger of death."

"Are you suggesting this intelligence thrives on emotions, like fear and anger?"

"No, Captain, that is too simplistic a conclusion for the facts we have. If that were the case, they would not specifically need us; any creatures with undisciplined emotions would satisfy their need. Also, these scenarios did not contain any gross display of emotion, but rather focused on actions."

Uhura asked, "Do you think it's significant that in the first scenario, you saved the Captain's life, and in the second, he saved yours?"

"Then, Sulu and Chekov saved his," Scotty pointed out.

"A sort of 'Who's Who' in the life-saving business," McCoy put in.

"I had not thought of it that way," Spock admitted. "Possible that the relationships between us are what's important. In any event, we are no closer to discovering the purpose behind all of this."

"In that case," McCoy stood up. "I respectfully request, Captain, that you report to my make-shift Sickbay for the dressing of your wounds." The doctor's over-polite wording attempted to mask his concern.

McCoy and Kirk disappeared into the head with the honey jar and a bedsheet. When they emerged half an hour later, everyone except Spock was lying on a bed pretending to sleep. Spock was still seated at the table.

"Jim, we've been up all night. You _need_ some rest."

"I'll lie down soon, Bones. You go ahead."

McCoy left Jim and Spock alone.

"Spock, I keep thinking that if I could just talk to them, we could find out what this is all about."

"Captain, do not forget that every word you speak is indirectly talking to them. The problem is that they refuse to talk to us, except in the engineering of simulations. They have even chosen Terran-based creatures for enemies, so as to give us no clue about themselves. The most logical reason for their refusal is that we are part of an experiment whose results would be invalid, if we knew what the experiment was about. However, it would seem that such an experiment would be more valid with randomly chosen subjects, and we are definitely not a random selection. Undoubtedly, my conclusions are in error, because one or more of my assumptions are incorrect."

"So, what do we do now?"

"Our options are limited. Refusal to cooperate would likely result in one or more casualties without any corresponding gain in knowledge. Such loss of life seems a waste. On the other hand, we have nothing to lose by cooperating. We may in time gain some knowledge, and in fact, we have time. The fleet is not due for another 1.7 standard days."

Kirk looked at Spock intently for a moment, realizing that Spock had just planted a piece of misinformation in their listeners' ears. "Yes, of course, we do have time. Very well, for now, we cooperate. But I want some answers, and soon."

"Yes, Captain," Spock replied, as if he could provide them on command.

"I doubt I'll sleep, but if I do, wake me in six hours, if they leave us alone that long."

"Certainly, Captain."


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

On the Bridge of the _Enterprise_, Lieutenant Tanis was finding out how uncomfortable the center seat was during a crisis. He'd had some experience with it before now, but Captain Kirk had always been close by. He began to wonder what had possessed him to want to be captain of a starship. But he knew the answer to that. He wanted to be like Captain Kirk. And he was fairly certain the Captain would not sit here doing nothing.

"Lieutenant Martin, how long have they been gone?"

"Sir, the chronometer is inoperative."

"Yes, of course, along with everything else. Estimate, then."

"I would guess approximately three hours, sir."

"Thank you." He paused, trying to think of something, anything, he could _do_. "Runner, get me a report from Engineering."

"Yes, sir. Anything in specific, sir?"

"Progress, Ensign. Do they have progress on getting _anything_ to work?"

The runner was back in fifteen minutes. "Report from Engineering, sir."

"Let's have it. Is there any good news?"

"Yes, sir. They report mess rooms and sanitation facilities are now functioning normally. But they cannot explain why. Nor is there any progress on the engines, either warp or impulse."

"Anything on the computer?"

"No, sir. All terminals are inoperative, but displaying the same scene you have on the main screen here. Also, the big screen on the Rec Deck is showing the same picture."

"Thank you. Mr. Martin, any speculation on whether the scenes we have been viewing are really what is happening to the Captain and the others?"

"Well sir, there is at present no way to verify, but if they aren't, they're a pretty good imitation."

"Explain."

"Several things make them seem authentic, sir. The first thing Captain Kirk did was pull out his communicator. That's standard procedure. Nor was he surprised that he couldn't reach us. He already knew they were jamming communications. Then, fighting the lions, phasers were on stun. Again, standard procedure. Does the alien know these are standard procedures? Possibly. However, there is further evidence. The actions of various crew members are typical of their behavior. For instance, Captain Kirk charged the lion, Mr. Spock rescued him, and Dr. McCoy patched him up. Does the alien know us that well? I doubt it."

"Mr. Sims, anything to add?"

"I tend to agree with Mr. Martin, except for one thing. In the last bear scene, Mr. Spock tripped, fell, and didn't get up. It is not typical for him to trip and fall. And since he remained conscious and apparently unhurt, I don't understand why he didn't get up."

"Interesting, isn't it? Any opinions regarding the purpose of all this?"

"It looks like an Academy simulation," Burns volunteered, "except with a lethal twist."

"Indeed, but I'm sure this is no game."

"At least they've got a passing score so far," commented Mr. Sims. "Do you think they take points off for getting injured?"

"Who knows," replied Mr. Martin. "The real question is why are they playing this game, and why are they showing it to us?"

"I'm sure Captain Kirk is asking the same question, though I doubt he knows we're watching. And they are in a much better position to answer the question than we are." Lieutenant Tanis thought for a moment. "We have no idea how long this is going to go on. There's nothing we can do but watch and wait. Runner, pass the word. Go to four hour watches: four on, eight off. I want people rested when the time comes for action. Mr. Martin, you have the conn. I'm going to see Mr. Tanzer."

Tanis made his way to the Rec Deck slowly, trying to gauge the morale of the crew as he went. Tanzer saw him enter and approached casually with an offered cup of coffee.

"Well, Mr. Tanis, shall I address you as Lieutenant or Acting Captain, sir?"

"Never mind the formalities. I need to talk to you."

"Sure." He led the way to a quiet corner. "The Captain likes this table for quiet chats. I'm all ears."

"I'm concerned about the crew. There's too much tension on everyone's face. Everything is inoperative, so nobody can get any work done. All we can do is watch the screen. And it's nerve-racking, because there's no sound. We need some kind of diversion."

Tanzer stared into his coffee for a moment. Looking up, he smiled. "I have just the thing. Since all we can do is watch, we'll do what spectators do. I'll turn this into a movie theater, with popcorn; we'll open a betting pool on the outcome; and I think we need a contest. People can submit opinions about what's happening on screen. Most original, most humorous, that sort of thing. I'll give out prizes, and read the best ones aloud."

"Don't you think the Captain might be offended? He's sure to find out. And what about Mr. Spock and the others?"

"Of course, he'll find out. I'll tell him myself, if no one else does. Let me ask you a question. Knowing what you do about the situation, if you were one of those on the screen about whom we're making jokes, and you had the ability to pop back over here and tell me to stop it, would you do so?"

Tanis thought a moment. "No, I wouldn't. The morale of the crew is more important than my being embarrassed."

"Exactly. And every one of them feels the same way. What's more, over the years, they've learned to laugh at themselves. I predict they'll be in here asking for copies."

"Will you give them copies? Even the Captain?"

"Especially the Captain. And even Mr. Spock. I'll take the names off, of course. Wouldn't want anyone thinking they might get in trouble. It would inhibit the best jokes."

"Can I request a copy in advance?"

"Sure. As long as you're prepared to laugh at yourself. I wouldn't be at all surprised to see jokes about you, too."

"I'd count it an honor."

"You'll make a good captain some day, Tanis."

"Thank you. I'd better get back upstairs."


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Kirk woke from a sound sleep to realize he was lying on the ground, rather than a bed. It was Spock's voice that woke him.

"Captain, it appears that two hours is all the sleep you are going to get at this time."

Groggy, Kirk sat up. The heat and humidity of a tropical jungle hit him in the face.

McCoy yelled, "Jim! Sulu's missing!"

"Keptin! Ve have phasers!" That was Chekov.

"And communicators," added Uhura.

"No tricorders though," put in Scotty.

"Okay, let's find Sulu. Teams of two. Call me if you find anything. Bones, you can try to keep me out of trouble."

Spock teamed up with Scotty, Chekov with Uhura. They separated, taking three different directions. After ten minutes of hacking his way through the jungle, Kirk was wondering what he had missed. The programmer didn't usually allow this long a time before inserting a change. Then his communicator beeped. "Kirk here."

_"Uhura, Captain. We've found Sulu! He's okay."_

"Where are you?"

_"That's difficult to say, sir. I can't seem to get a fix on North or South. The usual clues aren't working. Chekov says the programmer must not have read the Boy Scout Handbook." _Kirk laughed. _"Anyway, if you retrace your steps and then follow ours, you should get here eventually. I really think you'll want to see what we found."_

"Right. On my way. Call Mr. Spock in, too."

_"Yes, sir. Uhura out."_

When Kirk and McCoy arrived, Spock and Scotty were already there. The group parted to reveal a tyrannosaurus rex dinosaur, out cold on the ground. Sulu was standing over it with several lengths of rope in his hand.

"Mr. Sulu, are you trying to tame a dinosaur?"

Sulu turned to face Kirk. "No, Captain. Until a few minutes ago, I thought I was going to be his lunch. When we were transported out of that room, I found myself trussed up thoroughly and tied to that log. Rex here was wandering in the vicinity, but paid no attention to me until Chekov and Uhura showed up. I heard them coming and yelled at them to stay away, which, of course, they didn't do. Just before Rex would've had his teeth into me, they downed him with phasers. And sir, I respectfully request that we get out of here before he wakes up."

Kirk smiled. "A good idea, and I'm glad you're okay. Commendations to Chekov and Uhura for quick acting. Thank you both. Let's head back."

Suddenly, they were in the glade where they had started. Kirk looked around and saw that Sulu was with them, minus the ropes. Before he could count heads, Spock told him what he guessed - that someone else was missing.

"Mr. Scott is not with us, Captain."

"Okay, same routine everybody. I'm sorry, but it looks like we have to hack out the same new paths. Let's vary the teams, though. Sulu, you go with Chekov; Uhura with me; Bones, see if you can avoid getting into a fight with Spock."

Sulu and Chekov found Scotty. Kirk verified that all went exactly the same as before. He didn't bother going to the site, just sent everyone back to the glade. They were again transported there, but this time minus Uhura, instead of Scotty.

"Chekov, did you find Scotty in the same place as you found Sulu?"

"Yes and no, sir. Ve didn't follow the same route, so it could not have been, but it looked exactly like the same place."

"Thank you. The joys of holodeck programming. Okay, different routes everybody, and different teammates. Sulu, you take Dr. McCoy; Scotty and Chekov make the second team; Mr. Spock with me. Let's go find Uhura."

They all left. Kirk took the route Sulu and Chekov had taken before.

"Analysis, Mr. Spock? What's going on this time?"

"Difficult to say, Captain. However, may I point out that the most successful experiments are those where the victims have no idea what is actually being tested."

"I don't like that word 'victim'."

"Do you think it is inaccurate?"

"No, unfortunately, it's all too accurate. I just don't like feeling like a victim. What do you really think is being tested?"

"Possibly, they wish to know the strength of your commitment to each crew member; or perhaps, how well they function when you are not there; or even, how well you handle the frustration of being left out of the action."

"I _was_ starting to think the choice of which team finds the dinosaur is not random."

"I would agree that it is probably not. I am curious about one aspect of Sulu's report. The interest of the dinosaur was triggered either by the approach of the others, or by his calling to them. If I am the next victim, I would prefer not to be rescued, but to wait and see what the dinosaur does."

"I'm afraid that comes under the category of non-cooperative behavior, and would very likely get you killed. I'm not willing to risk it, just to satisfy your curiosity."

"I suspected that would be your viewpoint."

"Are they testing how we react under the stress of being alone and helpless?"

"Possible. However, except for Sulu, who was first, each of us expects to be rescued. That knowledge would alleviate much of the stress."

"Do you have any further ideas on the purpose behind all of this?"

"No, Captain. I do not."

Sulu and McCoy found Uhura. Back at the glade, Kirk discovered Chekov was the missing one. He put McCoy and Uhura together, Sulu and Spock together, and took Scotty with himself. Just as he had guessed, McCoy and Uhura found Chekov. McCoy was the next victim, and Scotty and Sulu found him, which confirmed the pattern. Rather than do it twice more, however, they were transported back to the room that he was beginning to think of as their quarters. They gathered around the table for debriefing and breakfast.

"I want to commend each of you for your conduct during this mission. We are by no means through here, but I want you to know your actions have been noted. I am proud to serve with you all, and am privileged to call you my friends." He paused. "Does anyone have anything additional to report about this latest episode?"

Chekov began. "It vas getting pretty monotonous, sir. I mean, the wery same scene happened every time - even the plants vere in the same places."

Sulu added, "I'm just as glad we didn't have to rerun it two more times."

"I wonder why not," questioned Uhura. "Everybody took a turn as the victim except the Captain and Mr. Spock. Why not those two?"

"Did ye notice they were never part o' the rescue team either?" observed Scotty.

Uhura responded, "It's as if they were being purposely excluded."

Scotty quipped, "They're bein' boycotted."

"Or told they have to stay in at recess," put in Sulu.

"But vhat on earth for?" asked Chekov.

"I'm just as glad. Jim, I think you've managed to avoid reopening those wounds. Congratulations on staying out of trouble."

"I can take no credit, Bones, but I'm just as glad to avoid another session in your 'Sickbay'. Spock, any opinions?"

"I agree that the choice of personnel in this episode was important, since that's the only thing that changed. Possible reasons for excluding the Captain and myself are numerous, but the most obvious is that they wished to observe the behavior of other crew members. In any event, thus far, their tactics have been employed toward gathering information about our behavior. At some point, I expect them to change those tactics. Perhaps then, we shall learn their purpose."


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Lieutenant Tanis was back on the Bridge, having taken time to eat breakfast, and force himself to lie down for two hours. Now, he relieved Lieutenant Martin and told him not to come back for four hours.

"How will I know when four hours have elapsed, sir?"

"Guess, Lieutenant. Don't worry; I won't know whether you're late or early."

"Yes, sir." And Martin left.

Tanis asked for a report. This was a different runner, who was back in five minutes. "Status report, sir. No change in Engineering. Sickbay is minimally functional. They have lights, water, and medicine, but none of the equipment is working."

"I'll keep it in mind not to get sick during the present crisis. Anything else?"

"Well sir, the only other thing happening is on the Rec Deck." He paused, clearly reluctant to continue.

"Is there a problem that needs addressing?"

"Well sir, I'm not sure if you would consider it a problem."

"Spit it out, Ensign, and let me decide if it's a problem."

"Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. It's Mr. Tanzer, sir. He's selling tickets, calling it a silent movie. The joke's all over the ship. I heard that Lieutenant Bodrin in Engineering complained that it was a rip-off. After all, the same picture is on every computer screen on the ship. Mr. Tanzer just laughed and said, 'Yes, but I've got the popcorn.' And he does, sir. Word has it the Rec Deck is full of off-duty personnel."

"That doesn't sound like a problem, unless there's something else you're not telling me?" He made it a question.

"Well sir, this is hear-say, not in the nature of a report."

"Go on." Tanis was not about to let him off the hook. Besides, he really wanted to know if it was working, but was afraid if he put in an appearance, that would spoil it.

"Yes, sir. He's got real paper and pencils, and there's a contest for the best explanation of what's happening on screen: Most Original, Most Humorous, Most Accurate. Deadline is 1800 hours. He's giving out prizes at 2000 hours tonight, and he's promised skits, if the action on screen is too boring."

"I see. Keep me posted on new developments."

"Yes, sir. And thank you, sir."

"For what?"

"For not shutting it down."

"I wouldn't dream of it. Mr. Tanzer is very good at his job."


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

About an hour after breakfast, Spock's prediction came true, but Kirk wasn't at all sure they were learning anything useful. This time, they were not transported as a group to the holodeck for another episode. Instead, they were beamed out one at a time; at least, Kirk assumed that's what happened, since one by one, they each disappeared. Kirk was last, though there was no time to ponder that fact. He found himself deprived of sight. At first, he thought the transporter had malfunctioned. But since he had all other senses, he concluded that he must be in a place where there simply was no light.

It seemed he was in a box - about two feet by two feet, and at least ten feet tall. He explored all the surfaces he could reach with his hands, and could find no break in the walls or floor. However, there was air circulation; he could both feel it and hear it. So the vents must be well over his head. After several attempts to jump high enough to reach the vents, he gave up, concluding there was no way out of this black box - other than the way he got in, which was completely out of his control. Curbing his instinct to fight his way out, he decided patience was in order, and tried to get comfortable. He discovered that he could actually sit down, if he wedged himself in diagonally.

As his body relaxed, he began to think of other things. He wondered if any of the crew had a problem with claustrophobia. He couldn't remember reading it in anyone's personnel file, but McCoy would know for sure. He realized he was assuming everyone was experiencing the same thing he was. Which brought him back to the same 'why' question: What was the purpose of all this? He was tired of spinning his wheels on the same unanswered question. In fact, he was just plain tired. Maybe he could take a nap while he was waiting.

As his mind wandered, he remembered the time Sam had locked him in the closet, and he smiled. He'd been in there for hours, because his brother had forgotten about him. Mom had been so mad, she had made Sam do his chores for him for a week. He hadn't been the least bothered by the experience, but he let Mom think he'd been absolutely terrified. Sam had been furious, of course, but it had been worth it. He couldn't even remember what Sam had done to get even, but he did remember what he had done to keep from being frightened. He simply pretended he was lost in space in an escape pod. He was down to his last oxygen tank when Mom found him. It had been a great game. Oh, the joys of youth, when everything was a game! He hoped the present circumstances were more than a game.

Shortly after he drifted off to sleep, he was startled into full wakefulness by the sound of a voice. It was a male voice and it spoke in Standard, but there was something odd about the way it spoke. After a moment, he realized what it was: There was no inflection - no sense that the voice understood the words that it was speaking. Another clue to the alien's technology: They had a translator, but it needed better programming. Perhaps, Spock and Uhura could assist them - if they ever got a chance. Suddenly, his mind registered the meaning of the words he was hearing:

_ "You are alone. The others are gone. You are the only one left. To save themselves, the others have betrayed you. I required a single specimen of your race. They decided you were the most suitable, so they gave you to me in exchange for their freedom. You now belong to me, and you will never see your people again."_

Kirk knew immediately that it was a lie. While he was prepared to pay such a price and his people knew it, he also knew they would never agree to it. The message repeated without variation every ten minutes or so, for about an hour. Kirk tried responding aloud, but that did nothing to alter the message. He was getting pretty annoyed with the whole thing, when he noticed an additional sentence tacked on the end.

_"I have provided images of your people for your comfort."_

Shortly after that comment, Kirk again found himself in their quarters. As he picked himself up off the floor, the others appeared one by one. Kirk observed them carefully. He figured that bit about the images was a lie too, but he was trying not to make assumptions. Spock was unruffled, as usual. Everybody else blinked rapidly in the suddenly restored light. Chekov was pale and sweating. Maybe he was claustrophobic. Better not embarrass him by asking if he's okay. All had stood and were looking to him for direction. None of the usual banter, so Kirk decided they could all use a little dose of Mr. Spock. He gestured them to the chairs around the table.

"Mr. Spock, report please."

Spock gave a blow-by-blow description of his experience, which matched Kirk's own exactly. When he got to a verbatim recitation of the alien's message, it was obvious by their facial expressions that everyone had heard exactly the same words. Spock concluded his report, then paused. Kirk waited, sure that Spock would continue with an analysis.

"Before we proceed to an analysis of this new information, you doubtless wish some means to verify that we are all real, and not merely images." Spock steepled his fingers.

"Do you have any suggestions?"

"I know of only one way to be certain, Captain."

"I'm reluctant to do that unless it's absolutely necessary. We've dealt with look-alike imposters before."

"True, Captain, but those imposters were revealed through abnormal behavior, or lack of knowledge of personal history. However, we cannot be sure the aliens are unable to duplicate our memories and ways of behaving."

"The first part of the message was an obvious lie. Wouldn't it be logical to assume the last part is also a lie?"

"Yes, it is logical, but it remains an assumption. Consider for a moment the reason behind the aliens' message. It is obviously designed to make us distrustful of one another. It is most logical to employ all means within our grasp to battle such distrust."

"Well," McCoy interrupted, "I, for one, do not need to be convinced. I have never seen a more typical conversation between you two. Spock is arguing for permission to do something we all know he doesn't want to do, and you, Jim, are trying to talk him out of it, even though you know that arguing with Spock's logic is a waste of time."

At this, everyone laughed and the tension was broken.

"You are right, of course," Kirk admitted. "I am remiss in assuming we are all equally convinced. Distrust is an insidious enemy. We must not allow it entrance. So, does anyone have any doubts about the reality of the rest of us?"

Scotty voiced his doubt reluctantly. "Beggin' the Captain's pardon, and I know it's uncomfortable fer Mr. Spock, but it would be good ta be certain."

No one else spoke, but Kirk felt they agreed with Scotty, without wanting to say so. He looked at Spock, who read assent in his eyes, and rose to comply without further words. Spock melded with two at a time, briefly for identification only. He made his way around the circle, finishing with Kirk and McCoy.

_Spock, I'm sorry, and thank you._

_ No apology is needed, Jim, and you are welcome._

_ Bones, is Chekov claustrophobic?_

_ Yes, and thanks for not mentioning it._

Spock broke the meld and returned to his seat.

"Thank you, Mr. Spock. And now, I repeat my question: Does anyone have any doubts about the reality of the rest of us?"

This time, he got negative affirmations from everyone.

"Opinions, anyone, on the purpose behind the black box or the message full of lies?"

Uhura spoke first. "It doesn't seem like the box itself was intended as torture, just to isolate us from each other."

"I can think of vorse tortures, if I tried hard."

"Sorry, Pavel," replied Sulu. "But, I agree with Uhura. They couldn't know if any of us are claustrophobic. I don't see why they put us in darkness though."

McCoy answered, "Makes the message more sinister and powerful. Don't you read any horror stories? That's always how it's done. Mankind's been afraid of the dark ever since Adam and Eve."

Scotty changed the subject. "But the message - Did they really expect us ta believe such poppycock?! I almost laughed, it was so ludicrous."

"I did laugh," Sulu admitted. "It was hysterical. Like an old movie- a bad, old movie."

"It _vas_ pretty blatantly obvious," put in Chekov.

Uhura said, "The real question is why are they trying to get us to distrust one another?"

Kirk agreed. "If we could answer that question, we'd be a lot closer to knowing why we're here in the first place, besides trying to avert galactic war, that is. Theories, Spock?"

"Only the obvious: to see if they can."

"Explain."

"If we assume that there _is_ a logical reason behind all of this, then it seems apparent that we are under observation. The reason for this observation is as yet unknown. The various episodes on the holodeck may have been designed to observe us in action - how we work together as a team. This room may well be monitoring how we interact when we are not working. Our behavior in the black box may also be monitored using infrared lenses. The purpose of the false message may be to determine our response to it, much as they wished to know how we dealt with the lion and the bear."

"An internal enemy rather than an external one."

"Wait a minute!" McCoy was alarmed. "We went several rounds each with the lion and the bear. Are you telling me there's more of this distrust business coming?!"

"Quite possibly, Doctor."

"And like as not, there'll nae be time fer mindmelds," Scotty observed darkly.

"We'll just have to take it as it comes. I trust all of you to use good judgment in making decisions. Just remember two things: None of us knows the rules to this game, and second, the rules are subject to change without notice. Now, let's see if they'll give us time for lunch."

Kirk not only had time to eat, but time to talk with each of his people individually. They seemed in good spirits, and handling the crisis well, even Chekov. He was not looking forward to more black box time, but neither was he panic-stricken at the thought. Kirk admired his courage, and told him so. Kirk was debating the futility of trying to take a nap, when transport began again. Since they disappeared individually, Kirk was not surprised to find himself again in the black box. This time the message began almost immediately, and was repeated at odd intervals - sometimes almost without break, sometimes with a break of about five minutes. The content of the message was different, but its intent was obviously the same - to engender distrust.

_"You are alone. The ring is broken. You have been betrayed. The others cannot be trusted. One of them has betrayed you. He has deceived you and is continuing to make fools of all of you. He has broken faith with everything you stand for."_

There was more, all of it talk of betrayal, deceit, and distrust. This went on for an hour or more. At some point during that hour, Kirk realized that if he did not actively fight this mentally, he would likely come out of there acting as if it were true. So he began reciting his own litany out loud.

"I trust Spock. I trust him implicitly. I trust Spock with my life. I trust Bones. I trust him implicitly." He repeated it for each of the six others, then started over again with Spock. Somewhere in the middle of the sixth or seventh repetition, he was transported out of the box. After a moment of disorientation, he recognized the jungle terrain of the dinosaur episode. As each of his crew appeared, he observed their demeanor, looking for chinks in their armor. As far as he could tell, everyone was holding up well. He counted heads and realized Spock was missing.

"No time for debriefing right now. We've got to find Spock. Teams of two, just like before. Sulu with Scotty; Uhura with Chekov; Bones with me. Talk as you walk. It may be the only chance we have. Our best defense against distrust is to keep communicating with each other. Let's go."

Kirk and McCoy started hacking through the jungle, as the others were doing in other directions. Kirk was pleased they all had responded readily to his instructions.

"Jim, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine. How are you holding up?"

"I'll survive. But that's not what concerns me."

"I'm not bleeding again. Really, I'm not."

"I didn't think you were. I want to know how you feel about this trust and betrayal business."

"My reading of the crew is they're handling it okay."

"Jim, I'm asking about you, not them."

Kirk stopped walking and faced McCoy.

"You mean, you think maybe I'm starting to believe it and wondering which one of you has betrayed us?"

"Well, no. I guess I just want to hear you say you don't have any doubts."

"Bones, it'll take a great deal more than audio tapes in a black box, before I'll believe any of us guilty of betrayal. And I'm not about to be brainwashed!"

"How do you propose to avoid it? Ear plugs aren't in plentiful supply."

"By countering it with my own litany of truth. Try it, it works!" Kirk resumed walking; McCoy followed.

"At least, they quit trying to convince us that everybody else was a hologram."

"What's your reading on the crew? Is everyone okay?" Kirk asked.

"This part of the crew's barely holding my head above water."

"Bones! You really believe that stuff?"

"No, but I wonder what they'll resort to next. This tactic is obviously not working."

"You worry too much."

"That's my job. What are you going to do when they get serious about making us distrust each other?"

"Take it as it comes. I can't know what to do, until I know what they do next. Besides, the real question is, why are they doing it?"

Kirk's communicator went off. It was Sulu. He and Scotty had found Spock. Everybody was okay. Kirk sent all teams back to the glade, and was not surprised when transport occurred almost immediately. He was not prepared, however, to be back in the black box for more of the same audio tapes. The aliens were tenaciously pursuing the same theme. Why couldn't they just take 'no' for an answer? Kirk was getting tired of it. Then he realized that was exactly what they were trying to do: Get him so tired, mentally and emotionally, that he would give in to the brainwashing. Well, maybe they would get him in the end, but they were in for a long fight first.

Sometime later, he was again transported. This time, he was the dinosaur victim. Tied hand and foot to a heavy log on the ground, he was completely helpless.

When it became obvious that the Captain was the one missing, they all turned to Mr. Spock for direction.

"I see no reason to vary the Captain's tactics. Teams of two, then. Mr. Scott, would you accompany me?"

"Certainly, sir."

Sulu went with Uhura; McCoy with Chekov. Chekov and McCoy found Kirk.

Kirk heard Chekov talking to Bones about the phasers. Immediately, the dinosaur began to take an interest in Kirk.

"It's easy, Dr. McCoy. You've already done this twice. Just remember to shoot at the same time I do. It takes the power of both phasers to knock out the dinosaur. Unless you vant me to reset for kill..."

"No, no. I can handle it."

"There he is! Ve're just in time, as usual. Now, doctor!"

Their phasers took out the dinosaur, who landed with its head practically in Kirk's lap. Chekov untied Kirk while McCoy called Spock. Kirk had just started talking to Chekov, trying to draw him out to share how he was doing, when they were again transported back to the black boxes. Kirk was annoyed, then remembered how much worse it must be for Chekov. He must not lose any opportunity to encourage him, and each of the crew. This had to be hard on all of them, except maybe Spock. They were spending three or four times as long in the boxes as in any episode. Could this possibly mean that the reason behind all this had something to do with distrust and betrayal? But it didn't make any sense to him.

The next transport put him in the forest of the bear episode. At first, he couldn't place it, but as the others appeared around him, he recognized the boulders. This was the site of the fortress where they sat on top of each other. He could hardly believe they were going to let him talk to his people, but he wasn't about to waste it.

"We have no idea how much time they'll give us, but they probably want to know if we'll still consent to such close quarters. Anybody want to opt out?" No one said a word. "By that I deduce you mean you'd like to, because you're tired of cramped spaces, but no one wants to miss this chance to talk. So, let's get this fort built. I'm going to talk while we work. I hope we'll have time for everybody to share thoughts and feelings, but there's a couple of things I want to say first."

He picked up a large branch and placed it between two boulders. "Some of this is obvious. Don't believe anything you hear in the black box. Make them prove its truth. I've found two effective ways to battle the lies in the black box. First, make up your own litany of truth and recite it out loud any time the tape's playing. Second, get angry. Refuse to let them win this battle of the mind." He paused. "I want to communicate some truth to you. I don't believe any one of us is guilty of betrayal. I trust each and every one of you with my life." He made eye contact with each one as he continued. "Chekov, I trust you. Uhura, I trust you. Scotty, I trust you. Sulu, I trust you. Bones, I trust you. Spock, I trust you."

They settled themselves in the fortress. Kirk went on. "I know this is hard for each of you. If they'll let us, I'd like for each of you to take a couple of minutes to share - anything you want to say. Uhura, would you like to start?"

"Yes, Captain, thank you. I really appreciate what you just shared. I was starting to get discouraged. I don't really believe all that stuff, but it's hard to keep it out of my mind. Now that I see it as a battle with some defense strategy, I think I can fight it better. And I want to start by speaking the same truth: I trust you all with my life. Captain, I trust you. Sulu, I trust you." She continued around the circle, just as Kirk had done.

Each sharing that followed included similar affirmations of trust. Kirk was surprised the aliens let them continue. He realized this was exactly what his people needed to give them renewed determination to fight and win this battle. Spock was last.

"I am intrigued that this conversation has been allowed to continue uninterrupted. It is not logical to permit us to reinforce our defenses. Perhaps, I have misunderstood their intent. Nevertheless, I too wish to reaffirm my trust in each of you. I do not doubt the integrity and loyalty of any of you. I would not hesitate to place my life in your hands. There is nothing they can say that will change my assessment of your character and abilities."

There followed a flurry of changes, back and forth from the box to the holodeck for parts of various episodes. They spent no more than five minutes in the box before the next episode. Most episode portions were repeated at different times. Kirk lost track of how many times they repeated the last bear scene or the last lion scene. The mental stress was terrific: Figure out which scene they were in, respond quickly and appropriately, including instruction and encouragement, battle the lies in the box, and on to the next scene. However, it was the physical stress that finally got to Kirk. Because McCoy wasn't able to dress his wounds, he continued to lose blood. Every time they redid that scene, the pain got worse. McCoy was fit to be tied, and even Spock looked concerned, but there was nothing Kirk could do about it.

Finally in the last bear scene, he was unable to pick up Spock and throw him free. He fell to his knees beside Spock, wondering how long it would take the bear to maul him sufficiently to lose consciousness. Instead, he was back in the black box. That lasted less than three minutes. Then, he was on the grassy plain, charging the lion. Only he was staggering, not running, and the lion knocked him down, rather than vice versa. He had no strength to fight the lion, but it managed to inflict the exact same wounds one more time. Spock subdued it, and then they were back in their quarters. Kirk was too exhausted to stand, so he lay on the floor and let McCoy fuss over him. Uhura brought him a welcome glass of water. He was pretty dehydrated.

McCoy glanced up. "Thank you, Uhura. We need to get as much water in him as possible. These wounds need disinfecting again, but he's not strong enough to stand it, so if you'll bring me another bedsheet, I'll patch him up right here."

"Bones, do it now," croaked Kirk.

"Jim, you can't even stand up!"

"I'll manage. Just get me to the shower. I'd much rather get it over with now than later. Maybe I'll even pass out, so you can work in peace."

McCoy sighed. "Okay. It _would_ be better if we can clean them now."

Spock lifted Kirk to his feet and held him up when he almost blacked out. Spock would have let him try to walk, but Kirk knew it would be easier for Spock to just carry him.

"Never mind my dignity."

So Spock picked him up and carried him. The head was crowded with three people in it, but Kirk couldn't have managed without Spock, and all three of them knew it. As it was, Spock got in the shower with him and held him from behind, while McCoy cleaned the wounds. Kirk could feel Spock giving him strength and taking a large measure of his pain, as well. The result was that when McCoy was finished, Kirk was stronger than when they began. He could stand and walk unassisted, and his eyes were clear rather than clouded with pain. When McCoy noticed this, he turned to Spock.

"I didn't think you could do that without putting a hand on his face."

"Both my hands were occupied, Doctor. Also, it might not have been successful with a stranger."

"In other words, you had no idea whether it would work, but it was worth a try."

"I believe that was implied in what I said, Doctor."

"Thank you, Spock," said Kirk.

"Perhaps, you would have preferred unconsciousness?"

"That would have delayed recovery, and time is something we're running short of."

"Jim, you're still badly dehydrated. I want you drinking as much water as you can consume, and it still won't be enough, but without an IV, it'll have to do."

"Understood, Doctor. Now, let's continue this conference in larger quarters."

They left the head and convened a briefing around the table. Kirk asked Spock to summarize the situation, then opened the meeting for discussion. They were all concerned about him, so he assured them he was fine, and made a joke about all the water McCoy was making him drink. They relaxed, as he intended. Only Spock and McCoy knew how 'fine' he wasn't. He would not survive another day like the one they had just had. Hopefully, he wouldn't have to try. Discussion of options alternated between continued cooperation and various kinds of boycotts. They even discussed making a self-destruct bomb, hoping to take out the aliens with them.

"Scotty, could you come up with the materials to do that?"

"I might ha' trouble convincin' the food replicator that uranium was edible, but I'd be willin' ta give it a try, sir."

"I'm not that desperate yet, but keep it in mind."

"Captain, it is very unlikely the aliens would permit us to work on such a project long enough to finish it."

"I'm aware that they are monitoring this and every conversation. At least, I'm hoping they are."

"I see. You are telling them to 'put up or shut up'."

"Obliquely, yes. We are running out of time. I need some answers."

"Any plans for getting those answers would also have to be discussed obliquely."

"Yes, Spock, they would." Kirk was beginning to think Spock had a plan.

"Even the admission of having such plans would probably negate the possibility of successful results."

"Understood." Now, he was sure Spock had a plan.

"I ask only that you remember who dictated the theme whose variation I write."

"You lead; I'll follow."

Spock rose and began pacing, seeming agitated - most un-Spock-like behavior. The crew watched him cover the distance between bulkheads for several minutes. Finally, he turned, pointed a long finger at Kirk, and announced in a stentorian voice:

"I don't trust you! I've tried for years to work with you and your human crew. I find you illogical, emotional, and sensationalist. You, Doctor," moving his pointer, "are full of bigoted sarcasm. Mr. Scott, you care for nothing but your precious engines. Mr. Chekov, you think everything was invented by Russians. Mr. Sulu, you are a hot-shot pilot, who thinks he can do anything. Ms. Uhura, you waste your time trying to entice me with your feminine charms."

Kirk was on his feet with clenched fists. "How dare you attack my crew!"

"And you, James Kirk, are a self-absorbed glory-seeker. You do nothing that does not benefit self. All this talk of loyalty and sacrifice makes me sick. You disgust me. I hope these beings we're trying to talk to have more intelligence than you do. I can no longer tolerate your presence."

He turned his back, walked across the room and stood facing the wall with his arms folded across his chest. Kirk remained staring at his back and observed a twitch when the room erupted in indignation and outrage. As usual, Bones was the most vocal complaint.

"Jim! Are you gonna let him get away with that? I have half a mind to go punch him in the teeth."

"Leave him alone, Bones."

"Why are you staring at him?"

"I'm looking daggers into his back." Spock's back twitched again. In reality, Kirk was watching carefully to see if Spock's plan worked. He had never seen a more masterful performance. He would not have believed Spock capable. He had known exactly what Spock was doing, and yet had still been shocked that so much venom could come from Spock's gentle soul. Abruptly, the man disappeared. When no one else followed suit, Kirk relaxed. They had taken the bait. Now, it was up to Spock to get him some answers. Meanwhile, the crew needed reassurance. He wasn't sure how much he could say, however, without giving Spock away. As he surveyed the crew, Uhura looked the most upset. He spoke quietly.

"Uhura, are you all right?"

"Captain, sir, I have never..." She sputtered to a stop.

"In my experience, you have always conducted yourself in an appropriately professional manner."

"Then, why did Mr. Spock say..."

"Uhura, have you ever known Mr. Spock to say something he didn't mean?"

"Well.. there was.. and then.. I see what you mean, Captain. Thanks, I'm fine now, sir."

Kirk moved among the crew, talking quietly, dropping hints where he could, letting them know that _he_ was not angry at Spock, without actually saying so. McCoy was last.

"Jim, what is going on?"

"When I find out, you'll be the first to know."

"Come on, Jim, this is me. You've said absolutely nothing about the fact that Spock has disappeared. I have never heard a more insulting collection of comments. I would expect you to be fuming, and you're not. All of which means that you know something you're not telling."

"I know only that we are not aboard the _Enterprise_." He gestured at the walls, hoping McCoy would understand why he couldn't talk freely.

"And that bit about theme and variation. How is it that you and Spock can communicate without saying anything that makes sense?"

"I'd rather not talk about it. Let's get something to eat. If they won't let us sleep, at least we can eat to stave off exhaustion. And aren't you supposed to be forcing me to drink water?"


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Tanis had given up pretending to rest, and was back on the Bridge. He fully intended to stay there until the crisis was over.

"Lieutenant Sims, report please. What have I missed?"

"You left during a jungle scene, sir. That was followed by a long period of the hologram we've seen before. After that, we had a repeat of the one where they're sitting on top of each other. Then about a half hour ago, things started picking up. We're seeing repeats of various scenes, with only a few minutes of the hologram in between."

"Thank you. Opinions, Mr. Martin?"

"I'm fairly certain we are not seeing any new material. So, it is possible that we are no longer seeing live action, but reruns, as it were."

"And the other possibility?"

"I cannot imagine the purpose for random repetition of these scenes. But if it is live action, there is a limit to how many times the Captain could survive that last lion scene."

Two hours later, they were certain it was live. The Rec Deck was still calling it reruns. Tanzer was afraid if the truth got around, it would spoil the evening's entertainment. They managed two hours of merriment before someone spoiled it by pointing out to all that the Captain was already bloody at the beginning of the lion scene.

Tanzer immediately sobered and admitted that, yes, it was live action. "They've been going at this intense pace for about four hours. Would anyone care to guess how long the Captain can hold out? I'll take answers in number of hours, or number of times he can survive that last lion scene. According to my assistant, who's been faithfully counting them, he's up to eleven times. And while we're playing guessing games, I'll take opinions as to how long it's going to take the Captain to solve this crisis. I understand he was given forty-eight hours; we've used up half of that already. I'll take answers to the nearest quarter hour, assuming we get the chronometers working by the time this is over."

For the next hour, he was busy recording people's responses. Pleased that he had distracted people from how awful Jim Kirk looked, he sent them off to bed with a promise to post the results in the morning. About two dozen diehards watched until the bitter end, which was about 0200. So, the official winning answer was eight hours, and a total of twenty-seven times.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Spock returned, having been gone about an hour. He was apparently unharmed, but Kirk caught a momentary glimpse in his eyes of an agony of anguish and loss. Spock quickly covered it, squared his shoulders, and stood silently.

"What happened, Spock? What did they do to you?"

"I am unharmed, and 'they' is singular, possibly a 'he'. He comes from another galaxy, but I cannot tell you what his purpose is. I do not believe there is any danger to this galaxy, but I cannot be sure." He lapsed into silence, and again Kirk caught a glimpse of pain in his eyes.

"Spock, what's wrong? What are you not telling me?"

Spock turned super-Vulcan and said in a monotone: "I do not wish to tell you, but you have a right to know. I have betrayed you. You can no longer trust me. You must treat me as an enemy."

At this statement, Kirk assumed Spock was still putting on an act, for reasons unknown, but Kirk was willing to play along. He acted shocked and disbelieving.

"Spock, no. You - betrayal?! Impossible!"

"Nevertheless, it is true. You must believe me."

"Why, Spock?"

Spock stood impassively for a long moment. Then, as if to convince Kirk of the truth, he let the anguish show clearly on his face. Kirk was not sure what Spock was trying to tell him. The anguish appeared to be genuine. Perhaps they had overpowered him, and he was under their control. He covered his confusion with another question.

"How?"

"I... don't know."

Kirk was exasperated. "You don't know!? You expect me to believe you have betrayed the Federation and you don't even know how?!"

"No, Jim. Not the Federation - you, personally."

"I see. Spock, how many years have we been working together?"

"Approximately 19.47 years."

"During that period, how many times have you saved my life, my soul, or my sanity?"

"I stopped counting them some time ago, sir. If I had access to the _Enterprise_ computer, I could reconstruct a fairly accurate count."

"That won't be necessary. Have you kept track of how many times we've mindmelded?"

"Twenty-nine."

"Spock, you know me as well as I know myself, maybe better."

"I know that betrayal is the one thing you cannot tolerate."

"Maybe so, but I also know you, Spock. Betrayal is simply not in your nature. The only situation I can imagine in which you would betray me, is if you found it absolutely necessary for the greater good we both serve. In that case, if I knew what you know, I would agree with you, so in reality, it isn't a betrayal."

"Under ordinary circumstances, that is true."

"Under any circumstances! Spock, I've staked my life on it dozens of times, and I've never been wrong."

"There's always a first time. Jim, please believe me!"

Kirk caught the note of fear in Spock's voice and realized that Spock was afraid of what would happen to Kirk, if he could not convince him to believe this.

"Okay, Spock. I believe you." The slight relaxing of Spock's back muscles told Kirk he had guessed right. "One question: does this betrayal include all of us, or is it just me?"

"It's just you, Captain."

"Good. That makes it simpler."

Suddenly, they were transported to the holodeck again. This time, it was the grassy plain of the lions episode. Kirk scowled, then realized he had a phaser in his hand. So, this was the earlier scene where they took out the female lions with phasers. Spock tried to hand over his phaser, but Kirk wouldn't take it.

"Later, Spock. First, we do this. Places, everyone. You all know what to do. Let's go find the female lions. You too, Spock."

The scene went like it had every time before. Spock behaved normally as far as Kirk could tell. Then, they were back in their quarters. Kirk was very glad not to have to repeat the last lion scene. He had had enough of that.

"Report, Mr. Spock."

"I encountered no difficulty, sir. However, I strongly advise against relying on my future cooperation. I repeat, you cannot trust me."

"Spock, you left here saying you didn't trust me. Now, you're telling me I can't trust you. Which is it?"

"I believed you understood the purpose of my words."

"I did. And it worked. But now, I'm having trouble following you."

"Captain, this is not an act."

"Just what are you trying to tell me, Spock?"

"That I have, in fact, betrayed you. I am sorry you do not believe me. The proof which you require is not pretty."

"Spock, this must be intolerable for you. How can I help you?"

"You can't. And very shortly, you won't want to." He turned away to endure his own agony in silence.

Kirk went to McCoy. "If Spock is right, I'm about to be transported out of here. Take care of my crew, Bones. And keep an eye on Spock. Ordinarily, suicide would be unthinkable, but these are far from ordinary circumstances."

"Sure, but Jim, where are you going?"

"If I'm guessing right: to face my worst nightmare." And Kirk disappeared.

Kirk found himself on a 1930's New York City street at night. He immediately recognized where he was, and was not surprised. Thanks to Spock's warning, he was more or less prepared for this. But as he watched Edith Keeler die again, in living color, the agony was no easier to bear. The emotional pain of grief and guilt was worse than any physical pain could have been. After he had watched Edith die for the third time, Kirk began to get numb. The human system can only stand so much, before it shuts down in self-protection. Then, in between each scene with Edith, Kirk saw a picture of Spock. Each time, the image stayed a little longer, so after several repetitions, Kirk finally pieced together what Spock was saying.

_"I understand. Take what you need. My mind is open to you. I accept the consequences of this action."_

Kirk could not see to whom Spock was speaking, but it seemed evident that Spock was not being drugged, or coerced. That Spock had, in fact, betrayed him. Before he got over the shock of that realization, he was back in their quarters, facing Spock. For long moments, they gazed at one another. Finally, Kirk spoke: "I would rather you killed me, than this."

"I know. If I had a dagger..." He paused, and a dagger appeared in his hand. "Fascinating. Now that I have a dagger, I am tempted to ask you to kill me. I am equally tempted to ask your permission to kill myself. But I will do neither. I will not add this burden to those you already carry."

Kirk slowly extended his hand. "Spock, give me the dagger," he asked quietly. After a long, wordless pause, Spock handed Kirk the dagger, hilt first.

"Bones, get this thing out of here before one of us decides to use it."

"Just what am I supposed to do with it? Either of you could take it away from me, if you wanted to. Maybe I'll give it to Sulu..."

They were transported back to the grassy plain, this time for the last scenario. Kirk and Spock stared at each other for another long moment, but there was no more time for words. Kirk turned and charged the lion, realizing that he didn't really care whether Spock rescued him or not. But Spock came through, and the scene finished just as before. Back in their quarters, McCoy fussed over him, muttering something about permanent scars. Kirk couldn't have cared less. He looked up at Spock.

"So, we've proved you can still be my First Officer."

"However, I have proved myself not your friend." Spock's back was ramrod stiff.

"Why, Spock?! If I have to lose my best friend, I want to know why!?"

Spock didn't answer.

"This whole thing was set up. He _made_ this happen - why?!"

Still no answer.

Kirk slammed his hand on the floor. "Why did you do it!? Why, Spock?"

Suddenly, Kirk pushed McCoy out of the way, launched himself at Spock, and began pounding his fists on Spock's chest. Spock made no attempt to stop him, or to protect himself. Abruptly, Kirk collapsed on the floor, sobbing. Spock retreated into a corner, sat on the floor, and withdrew into himself. After several minutes, McCoy intervened. He hauled Kirk into a chair, yelled at him, and forced him to accept a glass of water from Uhura. Then, he placed another chair across from Jim, and went after Spock.

"Spock, if you don't want me to bodily haul you out of that corner, you'll get yourself into this chair." Knowing it was not an idle threat, Spock moved to the chair. "You can tell me later to keep my nose out of it, but for now, you're going to listen to what I have to say. You're both dying over the loss of a friendship that doesn't have to be lost!"

"Bones, you don't understand."

"Then tell me. Spock came back telling us he had betrayed you. You didn't believe him. Then, you came back believing it. What happened?"

"Edith Keeler."

"Oh, no!" with shared, remembered pain.

"Yes. Not once, but over and over again. And each time I watched her die, he showed me a picture of Spock willingly inviting the guy to take whatever he needed from Spock's mind. He knew at the time what he was doing. He said: 'I accept the consequences of my action'."

Shocked, McCoy turned to Spock for corroboration.

"Do not doubt its truthfulness, Doctor. The term 'betrayal' implies willingly turning against one who trusted you."

McCoy was silent for a long minute. "It seems to me, we have two problems here. One is the pain Spock caused you, Jim, by telling about Edith. The other is the broken trust caused by the betrayal. Let's deal with them separately. First, the pain of reliving Edith's death. Jim, can you describe the pain?"

"No."

"Spock, can you describe his pain?"

"Grief. Grief and guilt."

"Jim, is he right?"

"Yes."

"And yet, as bad as that pain is, it's nothing compared to how you feel about losing Spock as a friend. Am I right?"

"Yes."

"Jim, if you could do something that would restore that friendship, would you be interested?"

"I'd do anything, Bones."

"Now, don't be hasty. I didn't say this would be easy."

"Keep talking; I'm listening."

"There's nothing Spock can do to make restitution for the pain he has caused you. However, you can choose to release him from this debt he cannot pay. You can choose to pay it yourself. Every time you think of it, for the rest of your life, you can say: 'I accept the pain; Spock is not responsible.' Is your friendship with Spock worth paying that price?"

Without hesitation, Kirk said, "Yes. You're talking about forgiveness."

"That's right. There's another element to this, however, and that's the trust factor. To restore what you've lost, you have to be able to trust Spock. But you can't, because Spock has broken trust with you. That's what has you both in despair, because you don't see any way to fix it." McCoy rocked on his heels, both agitated and sure he was right.

"And you do?"

"Perfect love keeps no record of wrongs. Perfect love always trusts - not just the trustworthy, but the untrustworthy, as well. Perfect love casts out fear. It is not afraid of the pain, so it's not afraid to trust. Perfect love trusts day after day in the face of repeated betrayals."

"I'd be lying if I said I could do that. It's humanly impossible!"

"You're right, Jim, and every other time you've been faced with the impossible, you've had Spock to help you, and together, you accomplish the seemingly impossible. Now, Spock can't help you, but I know Someone who can. 'With God, all things are possible.' 'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.' You can't trust Spock, but God can do it through you, if you'll let Him."

"Bones, when did you start quoting Scripture?"

"Now seemed like a good time. Also, I have a way to get free of all that emotional pain. And I mean, _really_ free of it, if you're interested."

"I am, but later. Right now, there are more pressing problems. Since you bring God into it, I have a confession to make." He grinned wryly. "I was faking. I don't really think Spock betrayed me. The guy running this show has gone to great lengths to set this up; I want to know why. So, I decided to let him think he had convinced me. But I'm tired of this game, and I want some answers." He stood and addressed the air. "Do you understand me?! I don't believe in Spock's betrayal, and you can't make me believe it! I know Spock, and I believe who I know him to be, above any evidence you can create to the contrary! So, tell me what it is you want, or are you too much of a coward to talk to me?!"

The voice from the black box spoke. _"A commendable performance, Captain. As a matter of record, which of your crew knew you were 'faking'?"_

Kirk gestured for them to answer.

Sulu said, "I learned a long time ago not to be surprised at anything the Captain did."

Scotty said, "The hysterical bit was a li'l overdone."

_"Did McCoy and Spock know?"_

Chekov said, "I don't think Dr. McCoy knew."

Uhura said, "The Captain is the only one that can read Spock like a book."

_"Well, Captain?"_

"Spock knew. Bones didn't. By the way, do you have a name? It's awkward simply referring to you as 'he'."

No reply, except McCoy disappeared.

"Give me back my medical officer!"

Still no reply. Kirk sat down in front of Spock. "Are you all right?"

"No, Captain. I shall never be all right again. However, that is not what you wish to know. You need an analysis. I shall attempt it. Since we arrived here, all events have indicated that he is analyzing our behavior. Loyalty seems to be the key. He had observed the strength of your loyalty and that of your crew. When he was unable to breach our loyalties by ordinary means, he chose to attack your relationship with me. He seems determined to find out what you will do in the face of betrayal. And you refuse to go there. I fear for the safety of the crew, Captain. Logically, his next step would be to force you to choose between loyalties. For example, would you kill me in order to prevent me from killing the good doctor?"

Kirk was appalled. "Could he really make you do that? You do not act as if you're under his control."

"That does not mean I am not. I do not know if he could make me commit murder, but it is possible. If you had not removed the means, I would be seriously considering suicide."

"That's the second time you've mentioned suicide. There has to be another solution to this mess."

"Possibly, but I would rather take my own life than someone else's."

"I understand. If the time comes, I'll do what I can."

"Thank you, Captain."

McCoy reappeared, unharmed. He could only remember being in the black box. No audio tapes or other communication with the alien. Kirk was relieved. He called a briefing around the table. Between them, he and Spock reviewed the entire situation and opened the floor for discussion of options.

"It's been nice servin' wi' ye." Scotty sighed fatalistically.

Uhura expressed support for whatever the Captain wanted to do. Chekov volunteered to be the first one to die. Then Sulu asked Dr. McCoy's permission to share. McCoy gave it grudgingly. Sulu revealed that he had the dagger, and asked Kirk's permission to give it to Spock. McCoy exploded at this idea. Sulu ignored him and kept his eyes on Kirk.

"Explain, Sulu."

"Well, sir, I can think of no better way to tell this being that we all trust Spock."

Kirk looked at each of them for a 'yea' or 'nay'. Got affirmatives from all three. Finally, he turned to McCoy. "Objections, Bones?"

McCoy got very quiet. "No, Jim, I think the dagger is as safe with Spock as with any of the rest of us."

Kirk turned to Spock and quietly asked, "Will you take it, Spock?"

Spock struggled for emotional control. "I am not worthy of your trust."

"Nevertheless, we do trust you. Will you accept it?"

Spock looked into Kirk's eyes for a long moment. Spock understood that the rest trusted, because Kirk did. Also, Spock knew that he must destroy that trust, in order to save the billions of lives at risk. Finally, he said, "Yes, I will take it." Sulu handed him the dagger, which he tucked into his belt as if it belonged there.

After a meal, which Spock called breakfast (Kirk had lost all sense of time), Kirk, Spock, and McCoy were talking. They were puzzled about McCoy's experience and the lack of effect.

Spock summarized: "Either, he simply wanted the doctor out of here for a while, or he wanted some information and has blocked his memory of it. Given what had just occurred, I suspect it was the latter. The knowledge he took would be whatever McCoy knows about God, since that is what he was talking about immediately prior to your attention-getting act."

"What do you mean, Spock?" Kirk's innocent look wasn't quite believable.

"You succeeded in making him talk to you. I presume that was your intent."

"Jim!" McCoy yelled. "You mean that your act was an act?!"

"Well, sort of."

"I'm confused. Just tell me one thing: Do you, or do you not, believe Spock has betrayed you?"

"It's not that simple, Bones."

"Spock, do you know what he's talking about?"

"Yes, Doctor, I do."

"Would you please enlighten me?"

"Captain, the listening ears..."

"Go ahead and tell him, Spock. He must be interested, because he hasn't interrupted with another round on the holodeck for quite a while."

"The truth, then. Correct me, if I'm wrong. When you first got back from the torture chamber (for that is what it was), you believed the evidence of your eyes. That first comment was straight from the heart. His introducing the dagger was a mistake, because it distracted you. You became concerned that I might commit suicide. Then, he threw us back into the lion's den, which further distracted you. In both cases, he wanted to see what you would do. First, would you kill me for betraying you? When you refused to do that, he wanted to know if you would still trust me with your life. What he didn't realize was that you didn't care. In your eyes, it would have been a fitting punishment for me to have to live with the knowledge that I chose not to save you when I could have, just as you must live with that knowledge about Edith. While it is true I deserve such a punishment, you do not deserve to die in order for me to be so punished. Therefore, I chose to save your life."

"Fascinating," Kirk borrowed Spock's favorite word. "I had no idea you could read me so well."

McCoy just sat speechless. Usually, Kirk and Spock were very careful to cover each other's emotions. Neither would generally talk about what they felt. He had never heard Spock lay open for inspection Kirk's emotional responses. And that Kirk was calmly sitting there letting him do it was equally astonishing.

"Do you wish me to continue?"

"By all means, Spock. So far, you're batting a hundred percent."

"As I said, these things were a distraction. By the time we returned from the lion scene, you had recovered sufficient control that you were planning how to use the situation to your advantage. So, you staged the hysteria and subsequent confession. Although McCoy's intervention and discussion about God surprised you, I think our listener was exceedingly interested. However, the problem you continue to beat against is the reason behind it all. You think that if you only knew why, that my actions would be justified and no betrayal would exist. I submit, Captain, that you're asking the wrong question. Unless and until you deal with the reality of the broken trust, none of us is going to get out of here."

"Spock, I can't." Kirk put his face in his hands.

"You're afraid - afraid of the pit of despair - afraid that there's no way out. Jim, look at me. Even if you and I do not survive it, is it worth the lives of your crew? He will let the others go, if you do this."

"Even if that's true, I can't do it. I don't know how to stop trusting you."

Spock paused a long moment. "I know of only one way that avoids using this dagger, which short of external force, I will not do. The only way is my mind to your mind."

At this, McCoy exploded. "Spock, are you out of your mind?! You want to mindmeld with Jim so you can destroy his trust in you? That's insane! And Jim, you're even crazier than he is, because I can tell by the look on your face that you're going to let him do this!"

"Bones, quiet down. Have you got any better ideas?" Silence. "Neither do I. Bones, promise me this: If he lets any of us out of here, promise me you'll go, even if Spock or I are in no shape to go anywhere."

"If I don't promise, will you call off this crazy idea?"

"Leonard, I'll do what I have to do. But it would be easier, if I had your promise."

"Okay, Jim. You have my word."

"Spock, whenever you're ready."

"Jim, there are certain things you should know, before you decide to do this. It will be worse than Edith - much worse. It is not the gentle finesse of our previous melds. To accomplish the purpose, I must attack, a brutal, ruthless attack. You will feel violated and torn to pieces. I will endeavor to leave your intellect intact, but I can't help but damage your soul. I have never done this before. It breaks the strictest Vulcan taboos. Moreover, the attack will destroy the tenuous link we have maintained over the years, due to our long association and frequent melds. So, should you survive the attack, I will be unable to assist you in climbing out of the pit it will send you into."

"Spock, what will this do to you?"

"There is a high probability that I will survive it. I will undoubtedly not wish to. In the event that you are unable to command as a result of this encounter, I give you my word, for whatever that may be worth to you, that I will continue to function long enough to get the _Enterprise_ and her crew to safety."

"Your word means a great deal to me, and no less so now than when we got here."

"If you mean to do this, there is one other concern. While you may be willing, your body will fight."

"As in, I may end up on the floor, or as in, I may kick you in the face?"

"Either or both."

"That's a problem. Maybe we better start on the floor." As skilled as they were, it didn't take them long to find a way to immobilize Kirk's ability to fight back.

McCoy, however, could take no more of this. "It's bad enough that you're going to fry his brain; you have to do it with a strangle-hold?"

"Bones!"

"Doctor, my concern is that the link be maintained long enough to accomplish its purpose. Physical safety for either of us is secondary."

Kirk sat up. "Bones, we know you care. This must be very hard for you. Perhaps, it would be better if you didn't watch."

"I'm not going anywhere! And yes, I'll try to keep my mouth shut."

The commotion roused the attention of the rest of the crew. "Captain, do you need assistance?" asked Sulu.

Kirk stood up and addressed the crew. "Mr. Spock and I are attempting an experiment that may possibly get us out of here. In the event that both of us are incapacitated as a result, that will leave Mr. Scott in charge. I trust you will do your best for the _Enterprise_ and her crew. One final word: There is to be absolutely no interference. This is not going to be pretty. But I don't care if it looks like he's killing me, you are not to interfere. That's an order. Also, I want it known for the record that Mr. Spock is acting under my orders, and I take full responsibility for the consequences. Any questions?"

Scotty had one. "If I may, sir," (Kirk nodded) "Doctor, do _ye_ know what's goin' on?"

"Yes, I do, and I think it's an absolutely crazy idea, but _you_ try telling these two they can't do something! And now, I _will_ shut up," with a glare at Kirk.

Kirk smiled. "Thank you, Doctor. Ready, Mr. Spock?"

"After you, Captain."

They took up positions on the floor. For several moments, they gazed into each other's eyes, saying their silent goodbyes. Finally, Spock spoke. "Jim, I wish..."

"I know, Spock. Just do it."

Kirk closed his eyes and waited. He tried to open his mind to Spock's attack. It came swiftly. He felt a cold fire racing along his nerves. His back arched. His feet kicked. His whole body jerked in spasms of pain. Then Spock started cutting. Like a very sharp knife, he cut, one by one, all of Kirk's connections to himself. Kirk's head exploded in an agony of pain. This seemed to go on for an eternity, while Kirk struggled to retain consciousness. Just as he lost the struggle, he felt Spock plant a seed, a seed so awful he cringed against it. But his defenses were shattered; he had no power to reject that vicious idea. And then, darkness came.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The circle of onlookers stared in shocked horror. Spock finally finished his mental surgery, withdrew quickly and stood up. Kirk's body jerked a few times, then remained still. Spock stared impassively at Jim's face, his own completely unreadable. McCoy checked Kirk's pulse and said, "He's alive." Spock turned and walked away, retreating into a corner, where he sat on the floor, and put his face in his hands.

McCoy looked up, his face haggard. "I need a nurse. I can't watch them both at once. Anybody feel like sitting up for a while?"

Uhura volunteered. "I'll watch Spock for you, Doctor."

"Thank you. Don't try to talk to him. Just let me know if he stops breathing. And don't get any closer than you have to. I have no idea what he might do."

McCoy sat down next to Jim and waited for him to regain consciousness. About five minutes later, Kirk groaned, turned over, and curled into a ball.

"Jim, do you want to talk about it?"

"No, but I'd better."

"How do you feel?"

"Got anything for a headache?" with a trace of a smile in his voice.

"No, and you know it. You should have thought of that earlier."

"Wouldn't have made any difference. And _you_ know it." Sobering, "That's not really what you want to know, anyway. I feel like a lost and lonely little boy. I feel absolutely devastated, in the pit of despair. The grief of loss is overwhelming. And I expected all this. But there's something else." He turned to stare at McCoy. "I hate Spock, and he planted that seed of hatred himself."

"Why on earth would he do that?"

Kirk sat up. "Because he calculated that simply removing my connections to him would not be enough to destroy my trust in him. Even the violent way in which he did it wouldn't do the trick. Incidentally, Spock can't be brutal, even when he's trying. His work was excellent, as always, efficient, thorough, and clean. Not at all a Klingon-type, slash and burn job. Anyway, he knew all that would not be enough, because he was merely doing what I told him to do. That was not breaking trust. No, what he did was masterfully done. And he was right about Edith, too. By comparison, the first attempt was amateurish.

"To begin with, he didn't tell me what he was going to do. Second, the seed he chose to plant was hatred for himself - not just distrust, but active hatred. Then, there's the timing. He waits until I've almost passed out from the pain of all the cutting; then he drops this little seed and goes on cutting. I almost missed it, but not quite, and he knows that I know what he did. So, he deceived me, attacked unexpectedly when my defenses were non-existent, and forced on me that which I loathe. The combination produced the effect he planned: I now distrust him, and I do hate him for doing this to me."

"You realize you've been analyzing the whole thing as if you were Spock?"

"That's just a residual effect of his presence in my mind. It's happened before."

"I thought you said he severed all your connections to him. Sounds to me like he created a bunch of new ones in the process."

"In which case, the whole thing was a smokescreen! I'm so mad, I could kill him!"

"That's exactly what he wants you to do - get mad enough to kill him!"

"Bones, I'm scared of the hate. I could so easily feed it, and let it mushroom. It would consume and destroy me, to say nothing of how many others I'd take with me. I don't want to go anywhere near him, but I must."

"Why?"

"Because I have to. The reason we did this is to show the being watching us what I will do in the face of betrayal."

"And what _will_ you do?"

"I don't know, but there's only one way to find out."

"Dear God, help us!"

Kirk looked at him oddly, because it sounded more like a prayer than a curse, but he said nothing more, got up and walked over to Spock. Spock rose from the floor and stood impassively, saying nothing. They gazed into each other's eyes for long moments. Spock saw the hatred in Jim's eyes. He also saw him struggle against it. Not against feeling it, or even letting it show in his face, but against expressing it violently. Jim saw Spock's Vulcan mask of calm, and wanted fiercely to punch his fist right through the mask. The effort to control himself left him visibly shaking. The frozen silence continued. Finally, Kirk spoke, quietly but intensely.

"Why!? Why hate, Spock? Why?"

Spock said nothing.

"You expect me to conquer this!? You risked everything on a gamble that I could do it - Well, you're wrong! I can't. I'm not a Vulcan. It's taking everything I have just to keep from attacking you. And it's not getting any easier the longer I stand here."

Spock still said nothing.

"Spock, say something! This would be easier if you would talk to me."

As soon as Spock opened his mouth, Kirk realized how wrong he was. Spock's words immediately made it a hundred times harder.

"May I offer you the dagger, Captain?"

Kirk watched in fascinated horror as Spock extended the dagger to him in an open hand. As he stared at the dagger, his hatred for Spock intensified. He was infuriated that Spock could so calmly suggest he kill him, after all they had been through together. He was equally incensed that he very much wanted to pick up the dagger and drive it through Spock's heart. (That is, if he could remember where that was.) He was appalled that he could think such thoughts, and appalled that Spock put them there. And he was absolutely furious that Spock knew what he was feeling, and was doing this to him on purpose. He wrenched his eyes away from the dagger and back to Spock's face.

"No! I ... will ... not!"

"You hate me. Why do you not kill me?"

"You can make me hate you, but you cannot make me kill you. You can even make me want to kill you, but you cannot make me do it. I refuse."

Immediately, they and the rest of the crew were transported to the holodeck. Kirk looked around briefly, then turned to Spock.

He spoke quietly. "Why am I not surprised." It was not a question.

Kirk had recognized the last of the bear scenes, where he must save Spock's life, at the risk of his own. Without another word to Spock, Kirk turned to the rest of the crew.

"Apologies, everyone. On your feet. Everybody recognize this one?" Various affirmations. "Places, then."

McCoy wasn't satisfied. "Jim! What about Spock!?"

Kirk replied coldly. "What about him?"

"Don't tell me you're going to pretend nothing's wrong!"

"No, I'm not. But what's wrong is between me and Spock, not the rest of you. Besides, the whole point of this exercise is for the watcher to find out whether I will save Spock's life, or let him die."

"And will you?"

"Why don't you ask Spock? He's got this whole thing planned."

Kirk strode off into the trees, apparently to check on the position of Scotty and Uhura. In reality, he couldn't stand to listen to McCoy, or Spock either. He knew he had precious few minutes to get himself under control. So he paced back and forth under the trees close to the clearing, and everybody left him alone.

McCoy talked quietly to Spock, who just stood, waiting for the bear.

"Well, Spock, do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"The Captain is justifiably angry at being manipulated into a situation he cannot control." Spock was keeping himself rigidly unemotional, but McCoy wasn't fooled.

"I see. And will he save your life?"

"Doctor, you know the answer to that question as well as I."

"Which means, you don't know, but you're going to risk it anyway."

"The term 'risk' implies the ability to choose. Having made the one choice, I no longer have choices to make. Therefore, in the present situation, the concept of risk is irrelevant."

"You have no choice?!"

"It has been demonstrated that we cannot alter the programming of any scene. I think it extremely unlikely that that state of affairs has changed. And now, if you will excuse me, the bear approaches."

McCoy took refuge in the trees on the edge of the clearing, while Spock began circling. Kirk was nowhere in sight, until Spock tripped and fell. Kirk then ran from the edge of the clearing and threw Spock to safety, just as he had so many times before. Sulu and Chekov took out the bear, and they were back in their quarters.

Kirk spoke to each crew member individually, encouraging them to eat something. He himself could not possibly eat; there was too much turmoil in his soul. He came to Spock last. Much to his annoyance, the hatred was no easier to control, but he was determined to be civil.

Breathing slowly, he tried to ease the tension in his jaw, but merely managed to move it to his fists. "I apologize for handling you more roughly than was necessary."

"No apology is needed, Captain. I am uninjured."

"Spock, do you really expect him to let us out of here, or was that another lie?"

Spock paused before answering. "No Captain, that was not a lie."

"But it wasn't the whole truth, either. And you're still not going to tell me what's going on." Spock said nothing. "Spock, what made you think I could conquer this hate?" Another deep, slow breath did little to counter the growing fury.

"Captain, you _are_ controlling it."

"Yes, but for how long? I've already lasted longer than I would've thought possible. But it's exhausting. What happens when I can't fight it anymore?" Spock did not reply. "Spock, there's one question I need an answer to. Assuming we manage to survive this, when it's all over, can you undo what you have done to me?"

"Extremely unlikely. On the order of probability approaching the impossible. To do so would require a mind meld. It is very unlikely that you will be inclined to permit such a thing. However, even if you decide to risk it, it is even more unlikely that I will be in such a condition as to be able to perform the task. It is uncertain whether even a trained Vulcan healer could restore you to wholeness. Once unleashed, hatred takes on a life of its own."

"Are you telling me you did this knowing there was no way out?!"

"Is that not the nature of betrayal?"

Suddenly, Kirk was again overwhelmed with anger and hate. Spock silently watched Kirk fight it into submission. It took several minutes. Kirk realized he could not continue this conversation. He was too exhausted.

"I'm not giving up. There has to be a solution! But right now, I'm too tired. So, wake me in four hours."

Without waiting for a reply, Kirk strode to his bed and lay down. He had no idea if the watcher would let him sleep, or if he would be able to, but he was determined to rest if at all possible. Unfortunately, turning off his mind was not nearly as easy as requiring his body to lie down.

McCoy had overheard Jim's conversation with Spock. "So, are you going to wake him, or are you still looking for ways to prove you can't be trusted?" Spock did not reply. "I wouldn't have believed you capable of torturing Jim like this. You keep pushing him and he's going to break." Still no reply. "Spock, he'll kill you!"

"I would rather die by the hand of James Kirk than other present alternatives."

"Lord, help us! You really are crazy."

"I am in full possession of my mental faculties."

McCoy snorted and moved away. Scotty stopped him on his way to bed.

"Doctor, I know ye're tired, but could ye take jest a moment to clue in the rest o' us aboot what's goin' on?

"I'm sorry, Scotty. There's just not been time. And it's pretty grim." He sighed. "But you've a right to know. Pass this on to the others when you can." He outlined the situation as clearly as he could. Understandably, Scotty was shocked and appalled.

"Lord, have mercy! How is the Captain goin' ta get out o' this one?!"

"I have no idea, but I'm not above praying for a miracle."

"A good idea, Doctor, and thanks fer takin' time ta tell me o' it."

As McCoy turned away, Kirk approached from behind. "Bones, can I talk to you?"

"Jim! I thought you were sleeping."

"I can't sleep. But I remembered something you said earlier."

"Well, it looks like I won't be sleeping for a while yet either. Goodnight, Scotty."

They sat on the floor in front of Kirk's bed.

"Bones, I know you're tired."

"It's okay. I probably couldn't sleep either. What did you want to ask me about?"

"It's really two things. First, I need your medical opinion. Is there any chance Spock is being controlled by the watcher?"

"If you're hoping to excuse his actions that way, I'm afraid it won't work. As far as I can tell, he knows exactly what he's doing and is under no outside influence."

"That's what I thought. I just hoped maybe you had seen something I missed. Okay then, he's doing this on purpose, and he can't tell me why. The question is: What does he want me to do?"

"He wants you to kill him! He intends to keep pushing until you do."

"Maybe, but I don't think so."

"He said he'd rather die by your hand than his other alternatives."

"But the Spock I know would kill himself before he'd let me do it. And you know as well as I do that I can't kill him unless he lets me. But I agree that he intends to keep pushing. I just don't want to find out what's going to happen."

"Jim, do you realize there's no hate in your voice when you talk about Spock?"

"That's because he's not in front of me, and I'm thinking, not feeling. Don't be fooled - it's still there, lurking in the wings, ready to take over my behavior if I give it half a chance. Which reminds me of the other thing I wanted to ask you about: You said something earlier about having a way to get rid of emotional baggage. What were you talking about, and do you think it would work with this?"

McCoy's reply was slow. "Yes... I'm certain it would work; I'm just not certain you would be willing to do it."

"Bones, you are looking at a desperate man. If I don't find some way to deal with this, it's going to destroy me. When I break under the strain - and it's only a question of when, not if - I can only hope that I will manage to kill myself before I kill Spock. And I can't be certain Spock will prevent either outcome. Bones, do you have any idea what it feels like to want to kill your best friend?" He wiped a hand over his face in an attempt to get some control. "No, of course you don't, and I hope you never have to find out. Anyway, I would be willing to do almost anything."

"Jim, can you describe for me what triggers the hate?"

"Well, I told you it was there as soon as I woke up, but it seems to intensify every time I have to face the fact that Spock is doing this to me on purpose. I feel manipulated and that makes me mad. It hurts so bad, I can hardly stand it, and Spock knows how I feel, and he's doing whatever he can to make it worse. So, I hate him because I hate him, and I get into this downward spiral, and the only way out is to force myself to stop thinking and feeling anything until I get it under control."

"Can you imagine being in that place where he's making it worse, and just accepting what he's doing to you without having to fight it? Can you imagine forgiving him while he's doing it, so that you don't even remember how he's hurt you? Can you imagine loving him so much that there's no room for any hate in your soul?"

"I can imagine it, but I can't do it."

"If you could though, would you want to?"

"Absolutely."

"Mind you, I didn't say there'd be any less pain in your soul - might even be more."

"Doesn't matter. Victory over the hate is worth whatever the cost in personal pain."

McCoy stared at him to make sure he meant it before continuing. "There's a couple of other things, though. Are you willing to be thought a fool? And I don't mean just doing something foolish. I mean, being held in contempt by others for a lifetime. What if Sulu thinks you a fool? Or Uhura? What if Spock thinks you're a fool? Are you willing to be an outcast to those closest to you?"

Kirk was silent a moment. "I think I understand what you're getting at. You're saying the solution is so ridiculous, that people will laugh in derision. In fact, that's why you don't want to tell me. You're afraid I'll laugh at you. Bones, I won't laugh, I promise you. This is too serious. And if you have to ask whether I care more about what people think of me than about getting free of this hate, then you don't understand how desperate I am."

"Okay, I understand. However, there's one other thing, and this is the biggy. Are you willing to give up control over your life? The thing about this situation that makes you the most angry is that you are unable to control it. Yet, in order to get free of the hate, you have to be willing to give up control, not only over this situation, but every situation for the rest of your life. Every aspect of your life must be subject to the dictates of someone else. Are you desperate enough to give up control of your life?"

"I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at. Are you saying that if I can just accept Spock's control of this situation, that I won't hate him anymore?"

"No. This isn't about Spock, it's about you. And the person to whom you must give control isn't Spock."

"Now I'm sure I don't get it. You mean, I'm to be some kind of puppet on a string?"

"No. You always have a free choice. It's something like when you joined Starfleet. You did that of your own free will, but once you joined, you were subject to the dictates of the person in authority over you. Only this allegiance is on a whole different level than Starfleet, and mostly there's no conflict between the two. The point I'm trying to make is that you have to be willing to acknowledge that someone else knows better than you do what is best for you, and be willing to do it his way even when you don't understand it."

"Okay, and if I'm willing to do that, you have a way out of this hate?"

"Are you willing?"

"Not until I have a clearer idea who this person is and what he stands for."

"That's fair. The person I'm talking about knew a great deal about hate. He was hated by many people, because of who he was, what he stood for, and what he said to them. He said this about hate: Love your enemies; do good to those that hate you. Don't return evil for evil, but return evil with good."

"That's if somebody hates you; what do you do if you hate someone else?"

"The answer I've been taught is that the source of all hate is a deep, deep hurt. Someone has hurt you badly; in this case, we know who. I get the impression you even think you know why, but that doesn't get rid of it. That medical report I was talking about before all this began has changed my perspective on life, and the answer to such questions as this. The person I'm talking about has the power to cast out hate, fear, and any other sin you can think of." McCoy paused, and took a deep breath. "Have you ever heard of a man named Jesus?"

"Of course. I was raised in a little country church. Are you telling me you believe that Jesus has the power to get rid of this hate?"

"Yes, I do. I was raised in the church, too. All I remember hearing about was hell, sin, and if you lived right, hope for eternal life. When I was a teenager, I got tired of it. It didn't seem to have anything to do with real life, and they were all a bunch of hypocrites anyway. But about a month ago, I came across a medical report I couldn't ignore. It was a well-documented study of a series of miraculous healings. It upset me so much, I called the guy who wrote the report, and he gave me a lot of additional data that proved overwhelmingly that God is still in the miracle-working business. So, I started studying the Scriptures for myself, to see what they really said. I've become convinced that Jesus Christ is Who He says He is, that He did what the Bible says He did, and that His power is available _now_, for anyone who asks for it. So, the night before we got that priority one call, I gave my life to the Lord. Then, I asked Him what He wanted me to do first, and He said, "Talk to Jim Kirk." I confess I didn't want to, because as you guessed, I figured you'd laugh at me. Maybe if I'd told you about it that night, it would have saved you some grief today."

"I don't think so, Bones. I think your timing is perfect. I doubt I would have listened then. I wasn't desperate, like I am now. So, if you think Jesus can get rid of the hate, I have nothing to lose by trying. What do I have to do?"

"I want to make sure you understand that Jesus is not Someone you can use to get you out of a bind, and then ignore the rest of the time."

"Yes, I understand that. If this works, I'm sold for life. I recognize my life will never be the same again. But if it doesn't work, I'm not going to have much more life to worry about, so I've nothing to lose."

"Tell me a little about your experience with church."

"Probably much like yours. Bible preaching; went to the altar when I was seven; attended Sunday School until I was twelve. Then, Mom quit making me go, and I lost interest. I suppose locked in memory somewhere is a fair amount of biblical teaching. I certainly recognized Scripture, when I heard you quoting it."

"Did you give your life to the Lord when you went to the altar?"

"Well, I remember a lot of people confessing sin that night, in order to get saved. Trouble was, the same people did it again the next year. Only I didn't; I figured once was enough. I don't recall that they talked about giving your life to the Lord. Likely that was assumed, but I don't recall people's lives being changed much."

"The two things I missed all these years were, one, that salvation is free for the asking - nobody earns it by living a good life. And two, that there is power available for right-now living, not just eternal life after you die."

"I'm asking you again, what do I have to do?"

"As far as I can tell from the Scripture, you just ask. He does the rest. We don't need a church, or a preacher; you just talk to Him - right now, if you're sure you want to do this."

"I'm sure. What do I say?"

"You tell Him that you believe He died and rose from the dead to give you life. Tell Him you want Him to be Lord in your life from now on. Tell Him anything you want to say."

"What if I don't know if I believe it? I'll believe it if He takes away the hate."

"From what I've read, in most cases, He requires the belief before you get the miracle. It's like the belief is the key that unlocks the door to His kingdom. You can't enjoy the benefits of the Kingdom, until you decide to believe the Kingdom is real. You choose whether or not to believe."

"If I believe it, and it turns out to be a lie, then I'm a fool."

"Right, and even if it's true, those who don't believe will think you a fool."

"At this point, I don't care if the whole galaxy thinks I'm a fool. If I don't get rid of this hate, I'm going to end up killing myself, and all of you too. So I'm in. I choose to believe."

"Tell it to Jesus."

"Jesus, I choose to believe You're real, that what the Bible says about You is true, that You died and rose from the dead for me. Right now, I'm asking You to be Lord in my life from this point on, for the rest of my life."


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

McCoy took a deep breath of satisfaction, guessing there were bells ringing in heaven, announcing much rejoicing. "Do you have any sense of His presence?"

"Should I?" Kirk asked.

"Not necessarily, but you might. Why don't you ask Him about it?"

"Jesus, do You want to show me that You're here?" Long pause. "Bones! He is here! He's real! He just talked to me! It wasn't quite an audible voice, and it was different than what Spock does, but I know I wasn't making it up. It wouldn't have occurred to me to say that."

"What did He say?"

"He said, 'Welcome home, Jim.'"

"That's wonderful! I have a word of caution though. Make sure when Jesus is talking that it's Jesus, and not an imposter. Demons can talk to you, too. However, they won't agree that Jesus is the Christ. They'll speak words of condemnation, accusation, and temptation. Jesus will never do that. Do you want to talk to Him about your pain?"

"I'd rather not look at it."

"Do you want to get free of the hate? Talk to him about it."

Suddenly, Kirk started weeping - gut-wrenching sobs of deep, deep pain. McCoy just prayed for him. After about ten minutes, Kirk stopped crying. McCoy said, "Is that all?" Kirk didn't even answer, just started crying again. McCoy let him cry, knowing they were tears of cleansing and healing. Finally, Kirk stopped crying for the last time, grinned weakly at McCoy and said, "Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to cry?"

McCoy snorted, "You were exhausted before you began. Since when did that stop you from doing anything? But let me ask you something. For many years, you've kept your emotions bottled up most of the time. It's a bad habit you picked up. Are you willing to let Jesus control your emotions? Just now, you were open to Him, and He knew you needed to cry, so He just turned on the spigot. Are you willing to trust Him that much?"

"I'll try. Habits are hard to break."

"He knows that. Talk to Him about it."

"He says He'll help me."

"Talk to Him about the hate."

There was a long pause. "It's gone! He told me to give it to Him. So I did, and He made it disappear. It's as if it had never been there! I feel so clean! Praise God! Thank you, Jesus!" He paused. "I've got to tell Spock!"

"Wait a minute, Jim. Go carefully. Spock thinks you still hate him. He hopes you will kill him. He's hurting _real bad_. Remember he didn't grow up in the Church. He doesn't know Jesus. He doesn't understand forgiveness."

"Okay, Bones. I understand."

"I'll be praying."

"Thanks." Kirk rose and went to Spock. As Kirk approached, Spock stood and waited impassively. Kirk was suddenly struck with how awful this must be for Spock. He did not know what to say. So he prayed and asked the Lord for wisdom.

Spock broke the silence. "May I again offer you the dagger, Captain?"

Kirk smiled. "No, Spock, put it away. We gave it to you, and I won't take it back."

"I see. Then you prefer to kill me with your bare hands. I will not resist you."

"I'm not going to kill you, Spock."

"Why not? I have viciously attacked you. I have violated your trust. I have made it impossible to repair the friendship we once had. And I have done this with malice aforethought. Furthermore, even now I am seeking to inflict as much emotional pain on you as I possibly can, and you know it. Why do you not give up the struggle, and take your revenge upon me? You know that is the purpose of my actions."

"Spock, I know exactly what you are doing, and why. You may yet succeed, but not that way. I will not kill you; I don't even _want_ to kill you. Spock, I don't hate you anymore."

"You are controlling it extremely well, for a human. But you said yourself, it could not last forever. And time is something we do not have."

"Spock, I really don't hate you. Come, touch me, and see for yourself."

At this, Spock was appalled and backed up into the wall. "You _invite_ me to touch you, after what I have done to you!?"

"Yes! Please. I want you to _know_ that I do not hate you."

Spock stood rigidly for a long moment, then shuddered and said, "I can't."

"'You can't', as in, you've lost the technique, or 'you can't', as in, 'you won't'?"

"The latter."

"I understand. I won't try to force you. But know that I want you to meld with me, that I am not afraid of you, and I don't hate you. Meanwhile, can we talk?"

"As you wish, Captain, but I have nothing to say."

"Would you like a chair, or do you prefer the floor?"

"It does not matter to me, but you would doubtless be more comfortable in a chair."

Kirk chuckled. "I'm getting used to sitting on the floor. Let's stay here." They sat down. Kirk continued praying fervently, because he had no idea how to reach Spock. "I was wrong. I should never have asked you to do this. The cost to you is too high. I didn't think it through. I couldn't stand to just do nothing. I had no idea what I was really asking you to do. Now you are paying for my mistake."

"You didn't ask me. I asked you. It was imperative that you not know what I really intended. I planned and executed the whole operation without your knowledge or approval. And I was well aware of the cost when I chose to do this. However, there was obviously a flaw in my thinking. I cannot explain why the operation has failed."

"The plan was brilliantly conceived, beautifully executed, flawless! And it worked exactly as you intended. Doubtless with your encouragement, I would have reached the breaking point well before noon. But something has happened to me that has short-circuited your plans. I would like to explain it to you, but I cannot, if you refuse to look into my mind. This thing which has happened, you will not believe without personal direct evidence."

"I will forego the explanation, then. You cannot want a mindmeld with me."

"Spock, you're bleeding all over the carpet! Please, let me help you!"

"I am uninjured. How could I be bleeding on the carpet?"

"'Bleeding all over the carpet' means your emotional pain is as obvious as if you were bleeding enough to drench the carpet. Don't be alarmed; it doesn't show any more than usual. But I can still read you like an open book. You're hurting so bad you can hardly bear to sit here and talk to me. And I know exactly what that feels like."

"How is it that you can still read me? While it was not my primary purpose, I did cut the connections that would enable you to do that."

"Would you like to verify that?"

"No."

Kirk was exasperated. "Spock, I won't leave you like this! Do I have to get nasty?"

"Go ahead. I certainly deserve it."

"You are afraid. Afraid to face the damage you caused. Afraid that you will lose all ability to control, that you'll go berserk and insane."

"You are correct."

"I said earlier that I wouldn't force you. I've changed my mind."

"How can you do that?" Spock was slightly curious.

"You have been trying to bring me to the point of killing you. You have acknowledged that what you have done deserves death. So, you would agree that your life is forfeit to me?"

"Yes." Spock answered slowly, because he could see where Kirk was headed.

"Well then, as payment for your crime, I require you to look into my mind, to examine it thoroughly, especially the site where you planted the seed of hate. If insanity is what occurs as a result, you have only got what you deserve."

Spock was appalled, but Kirk was right; he must comply. Very slowly, he extended his hand to Kirk's face.

_Welcome, Spock. Come in. Look around. What do you see? You don't have to say anything. Just look. Look at it all._ Kirk led Spock in a reluctant tour of his mind. Finally, they approached the place where the seed of hate had been sown. _This, too, Spock, you must see to believe._ Spock saw, and remained speechless. Kirk was aware of Spock's pain, but was careful not to probe his mind. _That is all I require of you, but before you leave, would you show me your pain?_

_ You've been taking the edge off it ever since I began the meld._ Kirk did not know he'd been doing that._ To my knowledge, you do not have the ability to do this. Further, I do not see any trace of it in your mind, as there would be in mine, had I done this for you. I do not understand._

_ Will you show me your pain anyway?_

_ It would overwhelm you._

_ I don't mind. _Kirk waited patiently.

_Why do you not force me?_

_ I have no need to hurt you. _Kirk caught a glimpse of Spock's pain at his words. _Why does the fact that I don't need to hurt you cause you pain?_

_ Jim, when I was last here, I left behind me a sea of agony, which I created for the sole purpose of making you defenseless against my real attack. I cannot forget that even if you can._

_ I remember it all, but there's no present pain associated with the memory._ Kirk continued to wait. Spock opened the door just wide enough for Kirk to catch a brief glimpse inside, before he slammed it shut. What Kirk saw was a raging inferno of agony. The pain which had leaked out washed over him and was gone. Jesus had taken it. Spock withdrew from the meld.

"Thank you," said Kirk. "You are living in hell. Would you like to get out?"

"By giving all my pain to you? Out of the question."

"It would not hurt me if you did, and it would give me joy to do that for you, but no, that's not what I meant. I'm talking about a way to get out and stay out. Much more permanent than what I could do for you today."

"Go on. I'm listening."

"How would you describe the condition of my mind?"

"It is whole. The damage I caused has been repaired in such a way as to leave no scars. And there is absolutely no sign of any hate."

"Do you have any idea what could have caused such a thing?"

"I was hoping you would tell me."

Instead of a direct answer, Kirk approached it from a different direction. "What do you believe about the origin of things?"

Spock didn't even blink at the apparent _non sequitur. _"There are many theories. No one can know the truth."

"Do you think there is sufficient evidence of design in creation to infer a Designer?"

"There is a high probability that this is the case."

"Let us suppose for the moment that there is a Designer, and I will call Him God. Would you agree that, if there is a God, He would be capable of doing what you just saw in my mind?"

"Yes, but that presupposes a personal God, who takes an active part in what He has created."

"Yes, it does. Let us further suppose that God wants to communicate with the beings He has made. He placed a means to do that within each of us, because He desires individual communication. That possibility for communication with God is located in what I will call our spirit. This part is separate from the mind, will, and emotion, which I will call our soul. When you and I communicate, we do so on a soul level. God communicates with us on a spirit level."

"Are you saying God communicated with your spirit and healed your soul?"

"Yes."

"Why would He do that?"

"Among other things, to convince _you_ that He exists," (Spock raised an eyebrow) "that He is a personal God, and His character is good, not evil - not neutral either. He cares deeply about each one of us." He paused. "Spock, can you describe your pain?"

"No. I cannot sit here talking to you and allow myself to feel the pain at the same time. And I cannot talk about it without feeling it."

"Okay. But would it be safe to say that a major component of your pain is a sense of guilt, of having done something wrong?"

Kirk almost missed the shudder across Spock's shoulder blades before he voiced a quiet affirmative. "Yes."

"Would I also be correct in saying that your sense of guilt is not removed by the fact that I forgive you?"

"Yes."

"I think there are three reasons for that. First, you have to accept my forgiveness in order for it to have any effect on you. Second, you have to be able to forgive yourself, and third, there is a higher authority you have to make peace with. Would you agree that right and wrong are absolutes, regardless of what any of us say is right or wrong?"

"Yes."

"We have always assumed that the concept of right and wrong was an abstract. But if God exists as a personal God, then He created right and wrong, and everything that is right is pleasing to Him, and every wrong is an offense against Him, not just those around us. There's an old English word for this, not much in use these days. It's called sin. Would you agree that none of us is free from sin?"

"I cannot speak for others, but I myself am very aware of my flaws."

Kirk decided not to object to the difference between 'flaws' and 'sin'. "Since God is all-knowing, He was aware of this problem with sin when He created right and wrong. In fact, the most basic of sins was there at the beginning: the refusal to acknowledge God as God. He wants to communicate with us, but He can't if sin is in the way, because we can't hear Him. Our spirits are not activated, but are dead. So, He made provision for this problem from the very beginning. When He saw the time was right, He became one of us, partly to provide an 'in the flesh' reality to who He is and what He's like. Much more important, however, was to bridge the gap between Him and us in a way that removes the problem of sin. Because sin has to be paid for. The penalty for sin is death, and we all deserve to end up in hell. But if we're in hell, God can't communicate with us. So, He did the only thing He could do (what He had planned to do from the beginning); He paid the penalty himself. When He was on earth as one of us, He freely gave His life to pay for all sin. Can you imagine the weight of what you're carrying multiplied countless times over? He took on Himself all the sin that ever had been or will be, and it killed Him.

"But the story doesn't end there. After He laid down His life, He took it up again. He rose from the dead, proving that He had conquered death, once and for all. And I don't mean a reprieve from death, like what happened to you. Death is the one thing that happens to all of us, sooner or later. I've spent a good part of my life trying to ignore it, hoping it will go away. I tend to think of death as the end of existence, and it certainly is the end of life as we know it. Suppose it's not the end of existence at all, but merely the transformation from one kind of existence to another. And suppose the kind of existence we get transformed into is either with God in heaven or without God in hell, depending on whether we acknowledged Him in this life. And further suppose that existence without God would be everything we think of as bad, and existence with God as good. (since God created the concepts in the first place.) Then, it would be in my best interest to acknowledge Him in this life. But there's added benefit to doing that. Once we acknowledge Him, His spirit dwells with our spirit all through the rest of this life, working to make us ready for what He has for us in the next life.

"This personal God, that I'm postulating exists, has created us with the ability to choose. We can decide to believe He exists, that He has paid the price for our sin, and that we owe Him our highest allegiance. We can invite Him to dwell with our spirit, take control of our lives, and make whatever changes He wishes. Or we can decide to believe He does not exist, that we owe Him nothing, and we will keep control of our own lives. The choice is ours. I have made that choice. He has healed me, because He's not finished with me in this life yet. Now, I've talked for quite a while. Do you have any comments?"

"I learned long ago not to argue with a man's religion."

"Is that what you think, that this is my religion?"

"It is a pretty succinct summary of Christian doctrine. My mother keeps a Bible and seems to find comfort in it. I read it as a child. But I have always thought of it as something for humans. There is no similar legend in Vulcan history."

"Some of the Jews thought He was just for the Jews, because He was a Jew, and they were the chosen people. Paul understood that He was for everybody. I don't think he's just for humans. If God is God, then He made all beings, not just humans. His salvation is available to all sentient beings, not just humans. I haven't done any research on it, but it would not surprise me to find signs of His appearance on other worlds besides ours. I do not know why He does not appear in Vulcan history. Perhaps, the story was successfully repressed. I suspect there are major parts of Vulcan religion that would be in conflict with Christianity. However, I'm not really talking about religion, as in traditions and ritual practices. I'm talking about reality. A short time ago, we were both in the pit of despair. I found a rope, and I've climbed out. I'm throwing you the rope. You have to choose whether to grab hold or not. But it's a crossroads decision, and it will affect the path of the rest of your life. So, take your time. I'll wait."

There was silence for many minutes. Finally, Spock spoke. "When it became evident that nothing short of a real betrayal would satisfy the watcher, I made my decision, knowing my life was forfeit. I have considered whether the present condition of your mind relieves me of responsibility for what I did, and I have concluded that it does not. The idea that someone else would take on what is my responsibility, even if that someone is God, is disturbing to consider. However, if God _does_ exist, then I must alter my thinking and behavior to conform to that fact. You have raised sufficient evidence to at least put the answer to that question in doubt. Were we on the _Enterprise_, I would seek to answer the question through research. Since we are not, suicide seems the logical choice."

"Why do you feel suicide is an acceptable solution to your problem?"

"It is partly that sin must be paid for, partly that I can no longer function as your First Officer, and partly that I cannot live with myself and what I have done."

"Why can't you be my First Officer?"

"I am barely controlling now. Every moment that you treat me as trustworthy, when I know myself to be not trustworthy, increases the difficulty. I do not think I can be a reliable officer under these circumstances."

"I'll consider your request to be relieved of duty when this mission is over, not before then." He paused. "Spock, why can't you just stop trying to control? Nobody's perfect, not even Vulcans. Surely, this situation allows for a lack of perfect control."

"You do not understand what you are suggesting. It is not a question of what would be acceptable behavior. It is simply not safe. Perhaps, if I were in a padded cell where I could hurt no one but myself - but that is not the case."

Kirk sighed. "Then, there is absolutely nothing I can do to help you?"

"No, there isn't."

"Okay, then I'll leave you alone for now. Just one question: What do we do now?"

"I have no idea, Captain."

Kirk stared at him for a moment, shocked that Spock would admit to such a lack of ideas. He was aware that this was a measure of where Spock's mind was. Without another word, Kirk left Spock and went to confer with McCoy.

"Well?" McCoy inquired.

"He's definitely the walking wounded, and I'm not even sure he can walk. And he's still talking suicide."

"I saw you melding. Was that wise?"

"I had to make him see. He wouldn't have believed it otherwise. As it is, I don't really know how much he believed of what I said. I was certainly speaking beyond myself."

"How did you get him to do it - the mindmeld, I mean?"

Kirk grinned sheepishly. "I told him I required it as payment for what he had done to me. And if he went insane as a result, he was only getting what he deserved."

"What!?"

"I tried everything else first. He wouldn't budge. He's very stubborn."

McCoy snorted. "Now that's the pot calling the kettle black!"

"Bones, he's absolutely terrified, and every minute he has to interact with me makes it worse. I don't know what to do, but I'm not giving up!"

"What you need is some sleep, even if it is noon, or thereabouts. I'd prescribe a sedative, if I had any."

"I couldn't sleep. I think I'll pray for a while, though."

"Good idea." As Kirk moved away, McCoy prayed for supernatural rest for them all.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

About two hours later, a figure appeared in their midst, apparently humanoid. It was a young, handsome male, dressed in warrior's garb to match the dagger Spock still had. His demeanor was arrogant and taunting. With hands on hips and chest puffed out, he surveyed them with a taunting smile. "Well, Captain, very intriguing. You are full of surprises. This forgiveness doctrine is most puzzling, but I don't expect it to extend to aliens and strangers. You must wish to kill me. Your officer still has the dagger. Why don't you attack me?"

"Why should I do that?"

"I brought you here against your will. I have used you and abused you. I have caused you great pain. I have destroyed your relationship with your First Officer. I have left him in a state he will not recover from. Yet, you do not wish to kill me? That is not logical."

Kirk almost smiled. "You sound much like my First Officer. And no, I will not kill you. I do have some questions, though."

The figure ignored him. "What about your First Officer? Does he wish to kill me?"

Spock stood and spoke slowly. "Why should I wish to kill a hologram?"

"An astute guess. But I am surprised you are functioning at all."

Spock extended the dagger to him, hilt first. "I believe this belongs to you."

"You do not wish to keep it for future use?"

The hologram refused to take the dagger, so Spock set it on the table.

"There are other, less messy, methods."

"Goodbye then."

And with that, they were all transported back to the Bridge of the _Enterprise_. Kirk recovered first. Ascertaining that all were present and accounted for, he gestured for them to take their stations, told the relief crew to stand by, asked for a status report, and responded to Spock's "Captain..." with "Not yet, Mr. Spock," all in the first thirty seconds.

Lieutenant Tanis stood stiffly at attention. "Sir. We've been completely immobilized since you left. Engines dead - both warp and impulse; weapons inoperative; communications jammed; computer locked up; no power for anything, except life support. For the last thirty-six hours, we haven't been able to do anything, except watch."

"Watch?"

"Yes, sir. The other ship fed us a signal. It was locked on the Bridge screen until just before you returned. We saw everything that happened over there."

"Indeed. Status, Mr. Scott?"

"Ye c'n ha' impulse power whenever ye want it. The warp engines will take a couple o' hours ta restart."

"Sulu?"

"Helm's responding, Captain."

"Chekov?"

"Veapons are fully operational, sir! They cannot be, but they are!"

"Interesting. Uhura?"

"Communications still jammed, sir."

"And the computer?"

Spock had not taken his station, and was staring at nothing, very internally focused. So Lieutenant Martin, who was still at the science station, replied. "Responding sluggishly, sir. Getting data now. Scans indicate the other ship's shields are down. Power levels minimal. No sign of any weapons power-up. Life-form readings, sir. Approximately 800. Atmosphere, not breathable, except for a small pocket of air, presumably where you were detained. Gravity 1.3 standard, again except for the small pocket."

"Thank you. And our shields?"

"Coming up now, sir. We are at 60% and climbing rapidly." He paused. "Shields now at 100%, sir."

"Acknowledged."

Kirk sat down thoughtfully. He was about to ask Spock for an analysis, remembered Spock's mental state, and decided not to push it. "Opinions, anyone?"

Sulu responded, "Seems like he's begging us to shoot him down."

"He's still playing the same game," was Chekov's opinion.

Uhura echoed their opinions. "He wants to know if you will attack from the safety of your own ship. And he's still jamming - you can't talk to him."

"Or Starfleet either. He wants me to attack, so I won't. But I do want some answers. We're not through here yet. Mr. Scott, is the transporter working?"

"Aye, sir, at the moment, but that's nae guarantee we could get back."

"That's why I'm going alone." McCoy started to protest, but Kirk cut him off with a gesture. "Scotty, get down and man the transporter; I'll want an environmental suit, too. Sulu, you have the conn. If he shows his fangs, get out of here - leave me behind! Also, if I'm not back by 2000 hours, get out of range and contact Starfleet."

"Aye, sir."

Kirk spoke to Lieutenant Tanis. "Lieutenant, thank you for taking care of my ship. It's difficult to do nothing. You are to be commended for your patience. I'll want a full report."

"Yes, sir." He was gratefully relieved at having done right.

"Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy - a word with you both." He gestured them into the 'lift, which took them to the Transporter Room.

"Spock, now that we're back on the _Enterprise_, is there anything you can tell me about this, that you couldn't say before?"

"Their technology is sufficiently more advanced than ours that they could wipe out our entire galaxy. That is not their present intent, but if Starfleet sends a force to resist them, the results could be catastrophic."

"And what is their present intent?"

"I believe their present mission to be concluded."

"Why can't you tell me what that is?"

"It would not change the fact that what I have done is inexcusable. I am expecting a court-martial."

"Spock, I'm not going to court-martial you! I just want some answers."

Spock did not reply.

McCoy interrupted the stalemate. "Do you have to go back, Jim?"

"Yes I do, and you know it. These people are extremely paranoid, and they've got a fixation on betraying a trust, but I've _got_ to find a way to make them talk to me. The only way I see is to walk back into their trap. Spock, they seem equally interested in you, but you're in no shape to go with me, so I'm leaving you in the hands of Dr. McCoy."

"I would prefer a maximum security detention cell."

"No, I want you under medical observation. And that's an order."

"Yes, sir."

McCoy and Spock went to Sickbay.

"Well, we might as well get this over with. I'm sure Jim is hoping I'll find some medical reason..." He paused to stare at the biobed's monitor. "Spock, I'm getting some disturbing readings." He approached the bedside. "I've only seen readings like this once before, and we're a long ways from Vulcan."

"Doctor, it is not the _ponn farr_, and going to Vulcan would provide no cure."

"Then what is it?"

"It is a condition called the _kash tau_. Its symptoms are very like those of _ponn farr_, and there is progressive loss of control. My body is merely acting out the turmoil of my mind. I do not know of anyone who had the condition and survived it."

"How long?"

"From what I have read, that depends on the level of exhaustion at the onset. Hours to days. Certainly less than a week."

McCoy fiddled with his medscanner, simply for something to occupy his hands. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Remove all breakable equipment from this room, and strap me down before I hurt someone, rather than afterwards. Do not medicate. It won't help, and it would remove what little control I have. Keep the Captain out of here. It will grieve him and there's nothing he can do. And please tell him, I hope he finds a better friend."

"My personal opinion is that it is not possible to find a better friend than you are to Jim Kirk, but I'll give him the message."

Kirk transported with communicator, tricorder, and environmental suit, but no phaser. He was not wearing the suit, but merely had it along in case. He arrived in the same room they had left a short time before. There was no sign of the hologram figure. Kirk tried the communicator and got nothing but static. He wasn't surprised. Switching on the tricorder, he scanned the vicinity. It seemed to be operating normally, and gave life-form readings in all directions. When he tried to calibrate to locate the door, however, the readings made no sense. He was still working on that puzzle when the hologram appeared.

"Captain, what are you doing here?"

"Trying to get this little machine to tell me where the door is."

"There _is_ no door to this room. But why have you returned?"

"Well, it didn't look as if you were leaving anytime soon, and I want to talk to you."

"You realize that if we left with you on board, you would never see your crew again - or any others of your kind?"

"Yes, I realize that. I'm hoping your plans don't require imminent departure."

"What is that piece of equipment on the floor?" The hologram took a step and almost reached out to touch it.

"That's an environmental suit. I brought it in case you might give me a tour of your ship. Our scanners indicated your air was not breathable for us."

"You want to tour our ship!?" He laughed. "Captain, you amaze me. I do not understand you."

"That's why I want to talk with you - so we can build mutual understanding. Could we agree to take turns asking questions?"

"You realize that we can take from your mind anything we want to know?"

"That doesn't surprise me. What puzzles me is why you haven't already done so."

"Because what we required from you was your interactions with your crew - especially your relationship with your First Officer."

"For what purpose?"

"That's privileged information."

"Because it will ruin your experiment if I know what's going on? Or are you afraid of what I could do with the knowledge? Or maybe you're too proud to admit the truth?"

"That's three questions, not one. Besides, it's my turn to ask a question: Do you enjoy taking risks? In my brief observation of you, it appears to me that given a choice of actions, you will invariably choose the one that involves the highest level of personal risk. Why?"

"Taking risks is part of my job description. I'd much rather take a risk myself, than lose a crew member by letting him take the risk instead of me. But yes, I think life without risks would be very boring." He went on without pause. "My next question is in the form of a request: Would you show me what you really look like? I find it improbable that your true form is that of the humanoid I'm looking at."

"You are correct. It is not. My true form would be very disturbing to you. What purpose would this serve?"

"In my travels, I've encountered many beings: Hortas, Organians, Hamalki, to name a few. I have found that knowing a being's form helps me to understand how they think."

"Very well." As the humanoid winked out and the new picture appeared, Kirk's first impression was of a wild display of colors, pulsing, undulating, ever-changing. And it _was_ nauseating. He firmly told his stomach to settle down, and with concentration, was able to see various snake-like extensions from a cork-screw core. He could not discern anything that resembled eyes or mouth.

"May I be permitted to say, 'I told you so'? My true size is about twice what you see, since I wouldn't fit into this room."

"If that is the case, then I do not see how your vessel could contain 800 of you. Unless our sensors are lying about the size of your vessel. Also, your shape does not seem to lend itself to the high gravity we detected."

"We lied to your sensors, Captain. In reality, there are only nine of us, and we operate in a gravity of about a third of yours. And yes, we lied about the atmosphere too. Our air is much like yours, slightly richer in oxygen."

"Why would you bother to conceal the truth?"

"We wished to be perceived by you as a threat."

"So why are you now willing to tell me the truth?"

"Because you have demonstrated the integrity of your character. Because you did not attack us, when you could have. Because you came back voluntarily, seeking to know us. Now for my next question: Why is your trust of your First Officer so unshakeable?"

"Spock and I have worked together for many years. During that time, under various circumstances, each of us has demonstrated over and over again a willingness to die for the other. The integrity of his loyalty, his devotion to duty, his self-giving sacrifice are simply beyond question. It would never occur to me not to trust Spock."

"You misunderstand me. I knew all that before. What I want to know is why you _still_ trust him, in the face of acknowledged and confirmed betrayal. You still treat him as a close friend, and you trust him implicitly. Why? And how?"

Kirk sensed that this was a crucial question, and answered carefully. "I cannot explain that, except to say it was a miracle of Jesus Christ. And I'm convinced that only a similar miracle will save Spock now. He cannot reconcile what he has done with who he is, so unless God intervenes, he will slowly self-destruct. If it will help you to understand, I invite you to look into my mind. But no memory blocks - I want to remember you."

"You do not comprehend what you are suggesting. However, I find it intriguing that your First Officer was absolutely convinced that nothing I could do would destroy your trust in him. And he was right. What I do not understand is why he then chose to do it himself. Why would he do such a thing? It is not logical."

Kirk laughed. "It is, if you have the right set of facts. Spock has a much more powerful mind than I do. I think your memory block was ineffective. I think he knows what you're still not telling me. And he decided it was worth sacrificing his life for. The fact that he had to risk mine without my consent is what he cannot forgive himself for." He paused. "I want to know what he's giving his life for. The only way I'm going to find out is if you tell me, because Spock won't. He doesn't think it would make any difference anyway. But even if it would, he wouldn't tell me. It was knowledge he gained without your consent, and he won't talk even to save his life."

There was a long moment of silence. "Captain, you and your First Officer bring me to shame. I sought you out with the intent of using you for my own purposes, taking from you what I need, without your knowledge or consent, and without revealing anything of myself or my purposes. You knew this, yet you have acted with honor and integrity, not just towards each other, but towards me as well. Not only that, but you have been consistently unafraid to show me who you are.

"I will tell you what you wish to know. However, you must understand what you are asking for. We are a telepathic race. To communicate as we are doing now requires a computer interface. It is cumbersome and time-consuming. I cannot tell you what you wish to know using this method. It is too complex. To communicate telepathically creates other problems, however. We use the memory block because the experience is too terrifying and painful for your species. The first time we tried it, the victim died before imparting any useful information. Since then, we use the block, and the victim doesn't remember a thing."

"Did you do that to Dr. McCoy?"

"Yes."

"So the experience itself doesn't kill, or damage the mind of the victim."

"That's correct."

"I don't see a problem, then. If I pass out from the pain before we're finished, we'll just have to do it again after I wake up."

"You are very persistent. However, there is another problem. I can take information from you regardless of the state of your mind. But to impart anything to you, your mind must be receptive and your body relaxed. I do not know that you can do this, no matter how much you may want to."

"I have to try, and maybe the Lord will accomplish another miracle."

"Very well. We will attempt it. One last warning: We are touch telepaths. To establish contact, I must encircle you with my many arms. You will probably feel smothered. Do not breathe too deeply, because of the oxygen-rich atmosphere."

Kirk was transported to the place where the being was. His first impression was of the immense size of the creature. The colors were even wilder than the hologram had been. Though he had been more or less prepared for this, the reality was still overwhelming. He was dimly aware of the reduced gravity, and he tried to breathe slowly. Then, the snake-arms began to approach, ever so slowly, almost tentatively. So, he held out his arms and spoke. "Come. I am not afraid of you." And it was true. He was aware that the scene before him should be terror-provoking, but he felt no fear. Instead, he was flooded with a great peace. "Thank you, Jesus!" he whispered.

He calmly watched as the snake-arms reached his feet, and began to circle each of his legs. By the time they reached his waist, he had lost contact with the floor and seemed to be sitting on one of the snake-arms. Then, he remembered that a relaxed body was supposed to be essential. He continued to breathe slowly as he ordered his muscles to relax. As the snake-arms felt his body relax, they snuggled closer. At the sudden constriction, his body tensed in panic. "Sorry. You took me by surprise. It's okay." And again he forced his body to relax, to relax completely. By this time, he was completely encased except for his head. As they began to enclose his head as well, he muttered, "I trust you know how much oxygen I need." He felt his body panic again at the thought of suffocating. He mentally dived into the peace of Jesus, aware that he could not afford to think about suffocating. After several minutes of dwelling on the peace of Jesus, he was again completely relaxed and breathing slowly. And he _could_ breathe.

He remembered he was to have a receptive mind, too. So he closed his eyes and reached out mentally. He felt a warm presence surrounding him, but there was no specific thought to it. He felt rising up in him a fierce wanting to know. He was afraid that would frighten the creature, so he immersed that, too, in the peace of Jesus. And just waited.

Nothing changed for long moments. Finally, Kirk spoke. "Come. Don't be afraid. I will not die. Trust me." Suddenly he felt contact.


	13. Chapter 12

Author's note: Because mental conversations are so prevalent in the rest of the story, I am punctuating them with asterisks rather than putting it in italics.

Chapter 12

Kirk felt as if there were a hundred needle-sharp points sticking into the crown of his head. Immediately, he began immersing the pain in the peace of Jesus. After a few moments, he was able to do it automatically, and devote his attention to the presence in his mind.

*Thank you.*

*For what? Pain?*

*For trusting me enough to do this. The pain is not a problem.*

*What are you doing with it? I can feel it disappearing.*

*I'm giving it to Jesus. He's the spirit of God who dwells in me.*

*This 'God' business intrigues me greatly. But first, I promised to show you my story.*

Suddenly, Kirk felt that he _was_ the other being. He had just completed a routine check of the clan leaders and was returning to Third, who had requested an extended conference. Kirk learned that all communication was telepathic, and First didn't need to physically move to have these various meetings. His arms extended to each of the seven clans (as well as his mate and children) at all times. First and Third weren't really their names, more like positional designations. They didn't have names as such. Position in the clans was by family, and he was First Brother, son of First Brother, son of First Brother - the leader of his entire race.

As First's memory of his conference with Third unfolded, Kirk saw the vision that Third had received. Although neither Third nor First had proper names for what they saw, Kirk immediately translated the pictures into their familiar names. It started with the Milky Way galaxy, and the _Enterprise_ within it. Then the seven of them within the ship standing in a circle, facing outward, holding hands. Kirk was standing between Spock and McCoy, and no one's face held any expression. Kirk got the impression this was symbolic of events, rather than an actual picture of reality.

Then Spock moved, placing his hand on Kirk's face in a mindmeld. A moment later, Kirk fell to the floor, and Spock withdrew from the circle, sitting on the floor with his back to the group. Kirk sensed First's and Third's interpretation of this scene. To them, it was clearly an attack, unprovoked and vicious, and their immediate response was to reject Spock. Kirk didn't see anything in the picture that would force him to interpret it that way, but then he was biased.

The action continued. Bones picked him up. He then went to Spock and brought him back to the circle. While Kirk thought this a perfectly natural thing to do, he was aware that First and Third did not think so. Having rejected Spock, they could not comprehend why Kirk would want him back, much less how he succeeded in bringing him back. But with the circle whole again, the scene moved on. They all dropped hands, walked outward, and each linked with one of these creatures, one from each clan.

First's memory of the conference with Third continued with a heated discussion of the meaning and importance of this vision. While neither understood it, Third was convinced it was of vital importance. First thought the most important thing was the reason for the attack. Third thought the reason the victim brought back the attacker was more important. Third thought these creatures had something of vital importance to their race, and he proposed a search to find them. First was not willing to take such drastic action, particularly since Third could not explain what it was these aliens had. At the climax of the discussion, Third laid down an ultimatum: either search for them, or he and his entire clan would withdraw from the ring. He would choose death before giving up the vision.

Kirk felt the force of First's response: shock, appalled disbelief, anger, grief, a deep anguish. He felt betrayed. Third was his very close friend. Yet Third was rejecting that friendship and defying his authority, for the sake of a vision. A very confusing vision that First knew he did not understand. How could such a vision be more important than their relationship?! Kirk recognized that this was where First had been trying to get him to go, and he had refused. He also knew that had Spock given him such an ultimatum, his response would have been far different from First's. He had more than once gambled all their lives on Spock's intuition.

First, however, took the ultimatum to the Ruling Ring, who were equally shocked and appalled. Not for centuries had there been such a socially disrupting event. It was decided that Third would be cut off. However, in an attempt to save Third Clan, a search would be made. If the vision was proved true, then Third Clan would be restored, and First would be cut off. Either way, Third, himself, would die.

As the days of preparation turned into weeks, First became more and more bitter, because Third was adamant in his refusal to back down. Knowing his own life was forfeit, he still insisted they must search for the aliens. He regretted that First also would die, but he was sure the vision would be proved true.

The day of departure finally arrived. Third was cut off as he entered the vessel. Kirk caught a brief glimpse of the layout of the vessel, with First's room in the center. The delegates formed a ring of rooms around First's, all connected to each other and to First. Third was in a prison cell below First's room. The holodeck and their quarters were above First's room. Now Kirk understood why they needed an instantaneous transporter. They could not tolerate any period of aloneness. It was the physical isolation that was killing Third. Normally, each one was always in contact with at least two others.

The search itself was relatively simple. There were few galaxies in the shape of a double spiral. The third one they investigated contained creatures with four arms and space vessels resembling the one they were looking for. First did not show Kirk his memory of the encounter with the human who died. It was too painful, he said. The other encounters were as Kirk expected: information gleaned, pictures planted, equipment stolen.

First interrupted the memory story to ask Kirk a question. *The rest of the story involves my observation of you and your crew. Perhaps it would disturb you to watch yourself through my eyes.*

*Maybe, but I'll get over it.*

*It isn't really necessary, since you know what occurred.*

*But I don't know why. I want to understand. Why don't you want to show me?*

*I am not proud of what I did to you.*

Kirk had a sudden flash of insight. *You mean, you don't want me to find out that you thought of me as an animal, not a person? Don't worry, I've known that since the first hour. It's a common problem. The thinking that 'anybody who isn't us isn't people' has been around for a long time. But tell me, when did you start thinking of me as a person?*

*When you came back voluntarily, seeking to know me.*

So First resumed the memory story. Kirk saw the vessel approach the _Enterprise_, scan it, match speed, and disable it. He felt First's shock as he discovered that the ship and the seven of them were real, just as the vision showed. So, he brought them to the holodeck for study and analysis. He intended to put them through the same series of tests that had been devised for the study of many other species, but they surprised him at every turn, so he had to keep adjusting the program. To begin with, he was surprised by their level of intelligence. They seemed to understand the situation immediately and were neither shocked nor frightened. When Kirk began running towards Spock, First thought perhaps the vision had got it backwards about who attacked who. He was completely caught off guard when Spock threw Kirk at the wall. It took him a moment to realize they had done it on purpose, proving they understood holodeck technology.

So he had to throw out the whole first section of tests and go straight to the battles with beasts. He was impressed with their teamwork and efficiency. This group had obviously been in battle together many times before. The test was designed to strip them down to savages and gauge their reaction to the loss of one or more of their number. Surprised by Kirk and Spock's willingness and ability to battle the beast without weapons, he decided to change the program. The replay maneuver wasn't supposed to be inserted for some time yet, but this group was so intelligent and responsive, he decided to jump ahead. To his pleased surprise, they recognized immediately what he had done and what he wanted. Further, they willingly complied. He rewarded them with a rest break in their quarters.

The bear scenes and dinosaur scenes followed. Kirk discovered that their guesses about each test were all fairly accurate. First found this surprising, and wasn't altogether pleased. They were almost too smart. Next, he put them in the black boxes, expecting them to panic at the isolation. They didn't. After looking for a way out and not finding any, they each simply waited, some of them looking even bored. Only one showed any sign of stress, and even that did not seem to get any worse with the passage of time. Then, First inserted the first brainwashing tape. Designed to instill a basic distrust, this test had gotten to every other species studied. But not this group. They understood immediately, and battled this internal enemy with the same efficiency and teamwork they had battled the beasts with. When Spock began melding with them, First thought perhaps this was the attack. But no one fell down or exhibited any signs of having been attacked. First noted, however, that no one else had exhibited the hand to face gesture. So apparently, the vision was correct about who and how the attack would occur. But it seemed that not all hand to face gestures were an attack.

He continued with the second brainwashing tape, which was no more successful than the first. They simply refused to believe it. Also, it didn't seem to effect their behavior or ability to work together. Furthermore, they were just as effective, regardless of who was missing. He inserted the fortress scene to see what the Captain would do with the opportunity. He was not disappointed. When he realized what they were doing, he let them finish it, because he wanted them as emotionally strong as possible for the next test.

The marathon was designed to test the breaking point, either physically, mentally, or emotionally. No other species had lasted more than six hours. This group, however, did not seem to understand the concept of surrender or defeat. After hours and hours, they were still mentally alert, physically responsive, and emotionally stable. Only the Captain seemed to be getting physically exhausted. As the hours wore on, First was afraid Kirk would outlast him. Then Kirk stumbled and could not rise. First was so impressed with this creature, he canceled the rest of that scene, rather than let the bear kill him. Then, he ran the lion scene one more time, just to see if Kirk really was finished. To his surprise, even on the point of physical exhaustion, Kirk still moved toward the lion. First admitted defeat to himself, and put them back in their quarters. He was not willing to watch the Captain die, simply because he refused to give up.

He was so mentally tired that he was only halfheartedly following their conversation. Until the Spock creature started yelling. He thought perhaps this was the attack, and it certainly sounded like one. However, he didn't go near the Captain, nor did anyone fall down. He decided drastic measures were in order, so he took Spock out for mental examination.

First interrupted the story again. *When I picked him up, I was puzzled by his emotional state. He was obviously unconscious, but was still giving off a faint aura of emotion. It was neither the anger he had just displayed, nor fear, but curiosity. This, I do not understand.*

*I don't know how he managed to convince you he was unconscious, but I'm certain he wasn't. And curious is exactly what he would be feeling. He would be curious about the means of his own death, if it was something new and different.*

*In any event, I discovered his deep loyalty to you, and concluded the vision must be false. I was surprised by how disappointed I was. I found that I preferred to die myself, rather than lose all of Third Clan. Furthermore, I was still greatly intrigued with your character. I determined to find out how you would respond to betrayal, in the hopes that it would give me insight into what I should have done about Third.*

*You should have believed him. He wasn't betraying you. He was simply more concerned about the survival of your world, than about your friendship, or even his own life.*

*I'm beginning to see that. But at the time, I was angry and frustrated that you would not do what I wanted. I was completely shocked then, when Spock actually did attack you, proving the vision true after all. I found myself hating him for what he had done to you. You, however, not only refused to kill him, you saved his life one more time. I do not understand you, Captain. Then you asked him to attack you again - but that last time did not look like an attack.*

*It wasn't. But you're right, he didn't want to do it.* Kirk asked another question. *What made you decide to release us?*

*The delegation were pestering me. The vision was proved true; our mission was accomplished; they wanted to go home. I could not bring myself to simply take you with us, so I devised one final test. I wanted to know if you would attack from the safety of your own ship.*

*And if I had?*

*We would have destroyed you. If you had fled, we would have let you go. You did neither.*

*That is because my mission was not complete. I still did not know why you were here, or what your intentions were.*

*Now that your questions are answered, you are free to go.*

*It's true that I now have sufficient reassurance to satisfy my superiors regarding your intentions. However, I still have some unanswered questions. The vision isn't complete; we haven't finished it. The vision says each of us links with one of you. Also, what is it that we have that is vital to your race? If you leave without answering that question, then hasn't the vision failed in its purpose?*

*Yes, I suppose that's true. But why are you concerned about what is not your problem?*

*Somebody went to an awful lot of trouble to get us together. I'd like to find out why.*

*Does this mean you are willing to stay, or even go home with us?*

*I'd prefer to stay in this galaxy. My superiors would get seriously alarmed if I didn't. However, we could probably manage several days, before being called to other duties. I do have two requests, however. I must contact my ship within the hour, or they have orders to leave without me. A report to my superiors is absolutely necessary to assure them that you are not hostile. Secondly, I would very much prefer to talk with you, rather than be the subject of further experiments.*

*Quite understandable.* He paused._ *_The delegation are willing to stay and talk. They are listening to everything we say. I will let you go shortly, but the vital question about the vision: Is it the reason for the attack, or the reason you did not reject Spock?*

*It's both really, because it's the same thing. Spock attacked me in order to save the millions of lives in Third Clan. I did not reject him, because I know him well enough to know that only something such as this would have led him to do what he did. We value life, all lives, not just our own. However, I think there's more to this vision than we've seen yet. I think God gave that vision to Third, and He has something in mind that we haven't discovered yet. He used this encounter to show me Himself, and I think He wants to show Himself to you and your people too.*

*This 'God' stuff is intriguing.*

*It's more than that - it's love, goodness, mercy, forgiveness, sacrifice, victory, righteousness, joy, life, peace!*

*What is 'love'? What is 'forgiveness'?*

*Love is putting someone else's needs above your own. Forgiveness is not making someone pay for the hurt they have caused you. Do you love Third enough to forgive him the hurt he has caused you?*

*Yes, I think so. But you - I have caused you a great deal of hurt. You cannot possibly love me enough to forgive such a thing!*

*But I do forgive you, by the grace of God.* And Kirk led First to the Lord.

*Thank you for showing me your God. The vision is validated, regardless of what happens now. I am convinced that Third was right - we need God, and you have shown Him to us. I realize that it's an ongoing miracle that you can commune with me like this. We do not expect seven such miracles.*

Kirk had forgotten that this way of communicating was not normal. *Well, I'll ask Him about it, but I rather think He enjoys performing miracles. I have another question, though. Is there any way to save Third's life? Or yours either? I don't want to undermine your race's justice system, but is there any way to incorporate this new concept of forgiveness into the present situation?*

*I do not deserve to live. The damage I have done to our people is incalculable. And Third is already dying because of me. As is your First Officer.*

*There's someone else you need to forgive, and that's yourself. But I'm concerned about your life. Would your people consider an appeal from me? Would it carry any weight?*

*Yes, an appeal from you would be heard. However, you would have to bond again, and this time with two members of the delegation, in effect joining their ring. This has never been done before with one of your species. I have no idea what the effect would be on you.*

*What about Third? You said he was dying.*

*Yes. It is within my authority as First to grant him a pardon, and I shall certainly do so. But that will not save his life. He has been cut off for so long, that I doubt if he can be revived.*

*Can you show me?* Kirk got an image of another room much like the one they were in, but it was dark. The creature within had no colors, only a dull gray dim light. His arms were coiled tightly about his inner core. Kirk saw one of First's arms slowly approach. There was no response.

*You see? He is almost gone. If he were aware of my presence, his color would brighten and an arm would have reached out.*

*Do you have any idea how much longer he will last?*

*A few days at most. I can see in your mind that you have an idea. But you are assuming the help of your First Officer. Is he not also dying?*

*Spock's a long way from being dead. I'm certain he will agree to help, regardless of the state of his emotions. However, if we can spare the time, I would like a few hours to resolve his problem. What I have in mind will work better if Spock himself is healed. Come to think of it, Dr. McCoy will undoubtedly tell me I have to sleep before I do anything else, since I've been going non-stop for several days. Considering the critical nature of what we are about to attempt, he's right - I should sleep - if we can take the time.*

*I am no expert on this phenomenon. However, I have observed no significant change for several days. I would guess that a few more hours would not matter.*

*Let's make it twelve hours then. Several things you can do for me while I'm gone. Can you rig a computer interface, so we can talk to you in Third's room?*

*Yes, I think so.*

*Good. Also, can you quit jamming our communications? I very much need to contact my superiors with a report. And my crew gets nervous when I'm out of touch.*

*Even when they can see everything that's going on? I sent the image to all the computer screens on your ship. Everything that went on in your room and on the holodeck. I didn't have it set up for my room, so I left a hologram of you with my hologram. Surely they are reassured by seeing their Captain.*

_ *All _the computer screens?! Uh, thank you for your consideration, but my people need those computers for other things. And we're more comfortable with our own methods of communication. Is there anything else we need to discuss?*

*No, I will let you go now.*

First withdrew from Kirk's mind. Before Kirk could assimilate the absence of pain, he was back in the room that had been their quarters. He staggered as he returned to normal gravity and the realization that he had only four arms, that is, two arms and two legs.

"Are you all right, Captain?"

"I'm fine. Just adjusting to the change." Kirk opened his communicator. "Kirk to _Enterprise._"

"_Yes, Captain!_" Uhura responded with a smile in her voice.

"Thank you, First. I'll see you in twelve hours. Ready to beam aboard, Commander. And bring the E-suit. We won't be needing it after all."


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Kirk called Uhura from the Transporter Room.

_"Yes, Captain."_

"Can you send a message to Starfleet now?"

"_Yes, sir. The board is clear."_

"Good. Send this then: 'Singular alien vessel non-hostile. Repeat, non-hostile. Negotiations proceeding. Details to follow.' Got all that?"

_"Yes, sir. Uhura out._

Then Kirk headed to Sickbay to see Spock. McCoy was in his office.

"Jim! You're back! I'm hoping the disappearance of you and that snake creature from my computer screen means you're making progress."

"Yes we are, but we're not finished yet. I need to talk to Spock." Kirk scanned the ward behind him, but Spock wasn't in sight.

McCoy folded his arms over his chest and pronounced, "You need to sleep. But I suppose you want a stimulant instead. And do you realize that everyone on this ship knows about that fiasco between you and Spock?"

"I will get some sleep, but I need to see Spock first. Do you think he knows the whole ship saw it?"

"No, I doubt it. He seems entirely internally focused. It won't matter anyway, unless God does another miracle. Jim, he's dying!"

"I know. He's on an internal self-destruct countdown. How long do we have?"

"How do you know that? Never mind; I should stop asking how you two know things about each other. I don't know how long. He thinks maybe a few days, definitely less than a week. And Jim, he doesn't want to see you. He asked me to keep you out of there. He said it would grieve you, and there was nothing you could do. He also asked me to give you a message. He said he hopes you will find a better friend than he."

Kirk sat down in shock. "A better friend?! Never!"

"That's what I told him. He didn't believe me."

"A week ago, I would have stormed in there and slapped some sense into him. Now, I think we should pray. The only thing that's going to help Spock is a healing from God. I want to help, but I don't know what to do."

"You're right. We need wisdom. Let's pray." There was silence for many minutes. "The one thing I'm sure of is that you're the only one Spock's likely to listen to. I know it's difficult, because you're the source of the problem. But the solution has to come from you, too. I've tried talking to him - he just tells me to go away. I think he would feel obligated to at least listen to what you have to say."

"I keep thinking, if he could just unload all that emotional baggage, he'd be free to make a real decision about the Lord." He paused. "I suddenly remembered something Spock said about a padded cell. I think I know where we can get one. Do you think Spock can walk to the gym?"

"I have no idea if he will, but he certainly can. We can always threaten a stretcher."

Kirk went to the intercom. "Kirk to Recreation."

"_Tanzer here, sir."_

"Harb, is the free-fall court in use? I'd like to reserve it."

"_No problem, sir. How long do you want it?"_

"Put me down for four hours. Harb, I'm bringing Spock down there. It would be better if we didn't have an audience."

"_Understood. Give me five minutes and I'll have the place cleared out."_

"Thanks. Kirk out." He went to the door. "Now, let's go see Spock."

"Jim, I've got him strapped down. I didn't want to, but he insisted."

"It's okay, Bones. I understand."

They entered Spock's room and approached the bed. Spock opened his eyes and gazed at Kirk, who said nothing. McCoy broke the silence.

"I tried, Spock. But he doesn't listen to me any more than you do."

Spock did not take his eyes off Kirk. "I did not expect you to succeed, Doctor. The Captain can stay as long as he wishes. His presence is merely hastening the end."

Kirk flinched mentally, but tried not to let it show. Instead, he smiled casually.

"Spock, I'm taking these restraints off. You don't need them. I want you to come with me to the gym."

Spock sat up. "For what purpose?"

"I'll tell you when we get there. Can you walk that far, or shall we get a stretcher?"

Spock paused. "I do not require a stretcher."

"Good. I didn't think so."

Kirk left, clearly expecting Spock to follow. Spock looked at McCoy, who gave him a 'don't ask me' look. So Spock went, mildly curious at what Jim had up his sleeve. When they arrived at the free-fall court, Kirk took off his boots and gestured for Spock to do the same. They entered the room; Kirk closed the door and flipped the 'occupied' light on. Spock walked to the center of the room, glared at Kirk, and turned his back. Kirk walked around to face him.

"This is the best I can do on a padded cell. There's no listening ears, or watching eyes. We're not leaving here until you get rid of all this emotional baggage. You have three choices: Give me your pain by mindmeld, kick and scream, or talk. And maybe you need to do all three, but I'm not taking 'no' for an answer. You know how stubborn I can be when it comes to fighting for your life, so don't even think about refusing. Now, I can tell you're angry. Tell me what you're angry about."

"I'm angry because you won't leave me alone."

"That's right. And I'm not going to leave you alone. Look at me. If I asked you to express that anger by hitting me in the face, would you do it?" Spock shuddered, but said nothing. "I didn't think so. But why not? You didn't hesitate to deliver that verbal slap up in Sickbay. Why is this different? Because it's less civilized? Spock, you know I would gladly let you beat me up if it would help. But the anger is a surface issue. The pain goes much deeper. I want to see what's under the anger, and if we have to go through the anger to get there, then let's have at it. If you can shed the anger and go straight to the deep stuff, so much the better. Either way, I'm here, and you're not going to drive me away."

Kirk waited patiently to see what Spock would do. As he watched, Spock's anger just melted away. In its place was a look of deep anguish, mixed with panic. Kirk could not ever remember seeing panic on Spock's face.

"I ... am losing ... control."

"It's okay. Let it out. Don't be afraid. I'm here, and I'm staying."

Suddenly, Spock let go, and the dam burst. He screamed, picked Kirk up bodily and threw him against the far wall. Then, still screaming, he hurled himself against another wall and began pounding the wall with his fists. Kirk picked himself up and returned to Spock. As soon as he got within range, Spock turned, and again picked him up and threw him. Kirk noticed that Spock wasn't trying to hurt him. If he had been, Kirk might have felt it necessary to resist. As it was, he could handle this indefinitely, and Spock knew it. After throwing him half a dozen times, Spock gave that up and threw himself on the floor. He began beating his head against the mat. Kirk didn't try to stop him; he just put his own hands between Spock's head and the floor. When his head connected with Kirk's hands, Spock threw himself backwards, away from Kirk, and that was the end of the head-banging.

But Spock wasn't through yet. He began flailing around with arms and legs in an attempt to keep Kirk away. Kirk didn't try to restrain him. He just moved with him, keeping his body within range, so Spock kept connecting with him. Finally, Spock gave up. His body went limp and he began to weep - great, deep sobs, that went to Kirk's heart. As he prayed for Spock, a great peace welled up in his soul. The Lord told him to place his hands on Spock's back. He did so and began feeding him the peace of the Lord. The immediate response was an increase in the agitation of Spock's weeping. This went on for a long time. Finally, the sobs grew quieter and eventually ceased.

"Can you tell me about it?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm praying and sending you the peace of the Lord."

"I am powerless to resist you."

"It's not me; it's God, and He's more powerful than you or I. But why do you wish to resist Him?"

"I do not deserve to live."

"Tell me. I want to know your feelings."

"Intense self-hatred and condemnation. I had no right to do what I did to you. It was unthinkable and should have remained so. There must have been a solution I did not see."

"Do you see any other solution in retrospect?"

"No."

"What is it about what you did that makes you deserve death?"

Sitting up, Spock looked deeply into Kirk's eyes. "My own life was mine to risk, but not yours. While your immediate survival was almost a certainty, I had no assurance that you would be able to conquer the hate. And if you could not, it would destroy you, just as it is destroying me."

"Spock, unleashing that hatred was a terrible thing to do. But you are committing an even greater sin right now. It is a sin of pride. You are claiming for yourself the right to decide whether you deserve to live or die. I have told you that I do not hold you accountable for wrongdoing. Indeed, I hold myself responsible, as will Starfleet. But you are letting the self-hate control you so much, that you can't accept the gift of life. There's only one thing that can conquer that hatred, and that's the love of God through Jesus Christ. He conquered it in my life and He can do it in yours.

"But first, you have to acknowledge that you can't do it yourself. Second, you have to believe that He exists. You can do your research, and you'll find plenty of evidence, but you won't find proof. You have to decide to believe or not believe based on incomplete evidence. God set it up that way. Third, you have to accept that He loves you, forgives you, and wants to give you life. Finally, you have to acknowledge that accepting His gift of life means that forever after, your life belongs to Him. If you can do all this, then God Himself will abort your countdown to self-destruct. There is no other abort sequence that I know of. Spock, I want you to choose life. I will grieve deeply if you choose death.

"I would like to give you as much time as you need to make a decision, but there is a time constraint you need to be aware of. In a few hours, I'm going back to the other ship to try to save the life of someone who's a lot closer to death than you are. I want you to go with me. But I doubt that you can do for him what he needs, if you, yourself, have not chosen life. Do you have any comment or question?"

"Why did you insist on my venting all that emotion?"

"Two reasons: You were so tied in knots emotionally, that you wouldn't have heard a word I said. Secondly, you needed a physical demonstration of the love of God."

"Thank you for enduring my illogical behavior."

"Anytime. After all, what are friends for? And you are my friend, Spock, the very best of friends. There's a briefing at 0600. That doesn't give you much time."

"It is enough."

"I'll be in my quarters if you need me."

They left the gym, each going to his own quarters. Kirk prayed briefly, then fell into a deep sleep. He woke four hours later, refreshed as if he had slept for eight hours. He spent an hour in prayer, asking the Lord about the upcoming briefing, and what he was planning to attempt with First and Third and the delegation. He prayed also for Spock, Bones, Scotty, Sulu, Uhura, and Chekov. He prayed for their safety and their souls. He had just finished dressing when Spock showed up at his door.

"Good morning, Captain. I have a question, if you have the time."

"Certainly. Ask away."

"I have decided to choose life, but I do not know how to contact this Jesus spirit."

"Spock, that's wonderful! Words cannot express how glad I am! As to contacting Jesus, you talk to Him the same way you talk to me, except you don't have to speak aloud, unless you want to. He has several ways of responding. Sometimes, it seems almost like an audible voice in my head, other times just a thought or picture. But you'll be aware of His presence by some means. You'll want to study His written Word in the original Hebrew and Greek. I'm not sure how it works, but He can speak to me through the Scriptures, too. One thing I know for sure, His voice is never condemning, accusing, or tempting. It's full of love, joy, and peace. Do you want to talk to Him right now? Or you would doubtless prefer the privacy of your own quarters. I understand."

"I have nothing to hide, and you will wish to know the results, but I do not need to take up your time."

"I'll _take_ the time. The briefing can't start without us anyway. Here, sit down. Just pretend I'm not here."

"Why should I wish to do that?"

"Never mind. I'll shut up."

They both sat; Kirk began praying silently. He assumed Spock would do the same, but to his surprise, Spock spoke aloud.

"Jesus, God of James Kirk, I greet you. I am Spock. I confess that I was unaware of Your existence before yesterday. I read about You as a child, but I did not believe You were real. When twice presented with physical evidence, I still did not want to believe. I have caused this man great suffering; yet he has remained steadfast. I did not believe our friendship could withstand the damage I inflicted on it, yet he continues to be my friend. He says that You have done this. I choose to believe him. I am in a pit of my own making, and I cannot get out. I have tried. The hatred is too strong. I cannot conquer it. On the strength of Jim's testimony, I believe You are more powerful than this hatred. If You choose to remove this hate from me, as You did for Jim, then whatever life remains to me will belong to You. I await Your reply."

In the silence that followed, Kirk watched Spock's face. As he observed a look of intense anguish be replaced by profound surprise, he realized Spock had dropped all his shields in order to be open to the Lord. He felt awed and very privileged to witness Spock's coming into the Kingdom of God. The surprise was replaced by indescribable joy. Kirk thought his heart would burst. He tried to contain it, but couldn't. He began laughing and dancing around the room and cheering. What was even more astonishing was that Spock joined him, and they carried on for several minutes. Finally, Kirk realized they were about to be late for the briefing. He grabbed some pills for breakfast, and they headed out the door.


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

When McCoy saw Jim and Spock enter the room together, he knew immediately that something had happened. Jim was unsuccessfully trying to conceal how happy he was, and Spock's eyes looked brighter than McCoy had ever seen them.

Uhura noticed it, too. "Mr. Spock, you seem -" She stopped, not wanting to offend. "Are you all right?"

"I have never been more alive. I would be glad to share my experience with you when there is time."

Kirk opened the meeting. "Thank you for coming, everyone. Let's get started. We have a lot to cover in a short time. First, a brief overview: These beings came to this galaxy for the purpose of seeking out the seven of us, to determine the truth of a vision they had received. This vision showed the seven of us standing in a circle, holding hands. In the vision, Spock attacked me with a mindmeld. I fell down, and Spock withdrew from the circle. Dr McCoy picked me up; then I drew Spock back into the circle. Lastly, we each mindlinked with one of them. The person who received this vision was convinced that we had something that was vital to the survival of their race. So convinced that he was willing to die for it and take his entire clan - millions of people - with him.

"To avoid a civil war, they sent out this delegation to determine the truth of the vision. If it was found to be false, all those millions would die. Spock discovered this when they took him out and mind-linked with him. To save these lives, we staged the attack you all witnessed yesterday. It worked. They released us, and the one I have talked to now believes the vision was real. A few problems remain. The millions are saved, but two lives are still in danger. The one I talked to, for not believing in the vision, and the one who received the vision, because he's been isolated for so long. They are a telepathic race, and to be isolated is to die. Incidentally, they don't have names as we do, only family positions. So I'm calling the one I talked to 'First', and the one who received the vision 'Third'. I've been given permission to appeal to the delegation on behalf of First, and that's scheduled for later this morning. We've also been given permission to try to save Third's life, but they do not think we will succeed. Mr. Spock has agreed to assist in this attempt. Now, I've left out a lot of detail, so I'm sure you have questions."

McCoy muttered, "I'll say you did."

Uhura asked, "What about the rest of the vision?"

"How could they receive a vision about us in another galaxy?" Sulu wanted to know.

Chekov inquired, "Vhat vas it that ve have, that they need?"

Scotty was practical. "Any chance o' gettin' a look at their engines? I'd like ta know how they got here."

Spock said nothing, merely raising an eyebrow at what Kirk chose to leave unsaid.

Kirk laughed. "All good questions. Scotty, yours is the easiest. We didn't get to a discussion of exchanging technical and scientific information, although he laughed when I first suggested a tour of his ship. But I'll keep your request in mind. Uhura, First has assured me that they do not need us to finish acting out the vision. I am not convinced he's right about that. I think it may become necessary to attempt it, in order to save Third's life. It may be that only the completed vision will be sufficient to draw him out of death's door. Before you all rush to volunteer, let me tell you more. The first human they tried to mind-link with died of shock. Since then, they have always anesthetized the victim, who then remembers nothing. To do what I'm talking about, you would have to not only be conscious, but relaxed and mentally receptive. Having experienced it myself, I can tell you that there's only one person in this room who could sustain a mind-link with these people without passing out from the pain, and that's Mr. Spock. But I didn't pass out!

"To explain that, I have to go back to what happened after Spock attacked me. You all saw what kind of a mess I was in. Dr. McCoy told me that Jesus could deliver me. He encouraged me to give my life to Jesus. I did, and He healed all the pain. As a result, when I linked with First, I was able to give Jesus the pain, and it didn't interfere with our conversation. Which brings me to your other two questions. The only way I can see that Third could have received such a vision is if God Himself did it. I know of no technology that could achieve it. Also, I know of no reason why anyone would want to do such a thing, except to bring God to their attention. As a result of this encounter, they will go back to their galaxy knowing God and a new way of living."

"Permission to speak freely, Captain?"

"Of course, Mr. Spock."

"I believe you are withholding essential aspects of the story in an attempt to protect me. That is unnecessary, and perhaps unwise. To accomplish what you have in mind, these people will need all the faith they can get. Your story lacks the credibility and power it would have if you told them the truth."

"You're right, as usual. Would you care to fill in the details?"

"As you wish. The Captain would not have needed supernatural assistance to recover from the pain he suffered. Pain is, after all, merely pain. And he has suffered much worse. Nor would he have needed Jesus because that pain had been inflicted by me. He was aware that what I planned to do would be painful, and he trusted my judgment that it was necessary. He needed Jesus to defeat my real attack, which was much more vicious and deceitful. At the time, he knew nothing of the millions of lives at stake. He knew only that I wanted him to agree to let me do this. He knew nothing of what I really planned to do. He trusted me, and I deliberately betrayed that trust. My frontal assault was merely a diversionary tactic. When he had almost lost consciousness from the pain, I planted the idea in his mind that he hated me. He was powerless to resist this idea, and it was this hatred that he felt compelled to call on Jesus to defeat.

"And he was completely healed. I left his mind in a sea of agony. When I returned, his mind was whole. Not a sign of the damage I had done, and no hatred at all. I cannot account for this other than to call it a miracle. But at the time, I did not believe the evidence of my own observation. In loosing hatred in Captain Kirk's mind, I also unleashed it in my own. This hatred was directed at myself, with an intensity I could not control. By the time we returned to the _Enterprise_, I had convened judge, jury, and executioner; found myself guilty as charged; and had set in motion an irreversible countdown to self-destruct.

"When the Captain returned from the other ship, I had very little control left. He endured verbal and physical abuse, and refused to let me drive him away. My behavior was most illogical, and included repeatedly throwing him across the room, as well as actions you would expect from an undisciplined young child having a temper tantrum. To explain what happened next, I must remind you that as a touch telepath, I receive the emotional condition of anyone with whom I am in physical contact. I was weeping uncontrollably, and the Captain placed his hands on my back. Normally, he would not consider doing such a thing, so I was surprised. But I was absolutely astonished to discover that, while I was aware of the Captain as a carrier, I was principally aware of a great sense of peace. It was extremely powerful and I could not resist it. Having melded with the Captain numerous times over the years, I can assure you that I have never encountered anything of this nature or magnitude in his mind.

"This morning I had a personal encounter with this presence he calls Jesus. I cannot explain to you how He did what He did. I can only report to you that I, too, am completely healed. This Jesus has removed all the self-hate, and replaced it with an indescribable joy. The countdown to self-destruct has been successfully aborted, and it was not my doing. I know virtually nothing of this Jesus, but I shall spend the remainder of my life getting to know Him better. I wish to state publicly that if it were not for the persistent, self-giving loyalty of Captain Kirk, I would not be here this morning. Jim, once again, you have saved my life."

Kirk smiled. "That's what friends are for."

"Indeed. You have proved yourself the greatest of friends, while I have not." Kirk started to protest. "Please, Captain, this needs to be said." Kirk subsided with a gesture of assent. "The Captain has said he will not initiate court-martial proceedings. That does not mean that one or all of you should not do so. Indeed, as witnesses, it may be your duty to do so, under paragraph 3, sub-paragraph 2, of regulation #348. Charges would include assaulting a superior officer, withholding vital information from said officer, and endangering the life of same officer."

Chekov asked, "If the Keptin's not going to press charges, vhy should ve?"

"Beggin' yer pardon, sir, but we all heard the Cap'n take full responsibility," said Scotty.

Uhura responded quietly. "Mr. Spock, this isn't really about a court-martial, is it? You want to know if we still trust you."

"That is correct. It would be illogical for you to continue to trust me."

"Well," McCoy drawled, "if we don't, we might as well stay home. We can't go over there and hope to accomplish what Jim's asking for, if we can't go in complete unity. If our circle's not based on rock-bottom trust in each other, then we've got nothing to sell."

Sulu stood up. "I can only speak for myself, sir, but yesterday I gave you that dagger, because I trusted you with my life. I have no dagger today, but I have heard nothing this morning that changes my opinion of your trustworthiness. Were I in such a situation, I doubt I would have the courage to do what you did. I greatly admire you, sir."

Spock received words of affirmation from each one. The doctor was last.

"I told you last night that I think you're the best friend Jim could ever have. I meant it then, and I still mean it. What's more, I'm proud to call you my friend, too."

With tears in his eyes, Spock turned to Kirk. "They trust me, because you trust me."

"No, Spock. They trust you, because you're worthy of trust. To be otherwise would kill you, literally." He addressed the group. "There's one other question for which I need an honest answer from each of you. This is not religious persecution; it's for your safety and the success of this mission. Do you know Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord? Bones?"

"You know the answer to that. I do indeed."

"Sulu?"

"No I don't, Captain."

"Scotty?"

"Aye, Cap'n, that I do. And may I say that I've been prayin' fer this day fer years!"

"Thank you, Scotty. Chekov?"

"My grandmother vas a Christian, I think."

"Uhura?"

"I'm sorry, Captain. I grew up thinking Jesus was for western cultures."

"Thank you all for your honesty. We have worked together for many years, and encountered many strange situations, but none stranger than this. If this mission is to succeed, we must act in a unity and a level of trust greater than anything we have ever attempted. Let me describe for you what it's like to bond with one of these beings. They are quite large, standing about fourteen feet tall. They radiate light in strange color patterns that are nauseating to look at. They have fourteen arms, each resembling a thirty-foot-long boa constrictor. They breathe air that is slightly oxygen-rich for us. Their gravity is about one-third of ours. To bond with me, First wrapped four of his arms around me, beginning with each leg and working his way up to my head.

"I was trying hard to relax, when suddenly he tightened around me, and I reacted with panic. Perhaps, if you can think of it as snuggling rather than constricting, you can avoid the panic attack. The second problem arose as he enclosed my head. I felt as if I would certainly suffocate. I could not allow myself to even think those thoughts, because they would communicate tension to my body. And I found that I _could_ breathe with no problem. I realized later that what came next was the most crucial step in the whole process. I think First was afraid that I would die, because that was his previous experience. I think they can sense emotions, just like Spock does. And it was only the complete absence of fear, and the absolute certainty that I would not die, that convinced him to make contact. You have to really want this, and be absolutely unafraid of it, or they will refuse.

"Contact itself is a different kind of problem. Physically, it feels like a hundred needle-sharp points sticking into your head. The pain is intense, and except for Jesus, I would have lost consciousness within a few moments. Because Jesus took the pain, I was able to converse with First without interference from the pain. To resist or deny the pain would be counter-productive. You have to accept it, and let it flow through you to Jesus. After doing this for a few moments, it becomes automatic enough that you can converse, much as you would be able to while eating lunch. Now that you have a better idea of what's involved, let me say that this mission is entirely voluntary. If any of you wish to back out, now is the time. I will not think any less of you as a person for making that choice."

Complete silence and nobody moved. Finally, McCoy spoke.

"Jim, you've accomplished the impossible so many times, they think it's normal. You obviously think this can be done, so they have no reason to doubt you can do it again."

"Maybe you should certify me unfit to command."

"The thought occurred. But I'd have to certify everybody in this room, including myself, and that didn't seem practical."

"Okay. My next question is for you, Scotty, and Spock. Do you believe that Jesus can accomplish a miracle in the life of a non-believer?"

"Yes." "Aye." "Of course."

"Then Sulu, Uhura, Chekov: Do you believe that if Jesus is indeed God, He could do for you what He did for me, even though you do not know Him? And if so, do you want Him to?"

Sulu answered. "If I understand the concept correctly, by definition, God can do anything. Do I also infer correctly that if I don't want Him to, He won't?"

"It is my experience that God is a gentleman. He won't force you."

"And is it true that if even one of us says 'no', we call the whole thing off?"

"That's correct."

"Then it seems to me, we have nothing to lose by trying. I say, go for it."

Chekov raised an objection. "I have no problem vith the vanting part. It's the believing part that's giving me trouble. It seems to me there's a big difference between knowing God can do anything, and believing He vill do this, such that my belief affects my behavior, my responses."

"I'm with Chekov," said Uhura. "But Captain, do you think that my faith in your faith would be sufficient? Because, I do believe that you believe we can do this."

"I believe Jesus can do this, using us. And that He wants to, and if we cooperate, He will do it."

"I can believe that you believe, Keptin," said Chekov.

"Okay, then. Anybody have any other comments, questions, or objections?" Silence. "Then if you don't mind, I'd like to pray before we go." He paused. "Lord Jesus, I believe you sent these people to us, to show Yourself to both them and us. Now, we're going over there to complete this mission, and we won't succeed if You do not undertake this on our behalf. Lord, I believe You want us to do this. If I'm mistaken, please tell me now." He paused. "Help us, Lord, to save the lives of First and Third, and enable us to be carriers of Your love to these people. Thank you for the sacrifice of each one here, and I'm trusting You for their safety. Amen."


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

They transported to the room where they had been kept before. First was on audio.

"_Good morning, Captain. You have returned with your ring. May I inquire concerning your First Officer?_"

Kirk gestured for Spock to respond.

"I am well, thank you. May we inquire concerning your Third Brother?"

"_His condition appears to be unchanged. I am most curious concerning how you came to be well."_

"When time permits, I would be happy to discuss it with you."

"May we see Third now?" inquired Kirk.

"_There is a problem with that. While you were gone, the delegation met, and refused to grant my request to pardon Third. Additionally, they have removed me from office and cut me off, so that I, too, have begun to die."_

"I am grieved to hear this. Have they refused to listen to my appeal then?"

"_No, but they do not believe you can sustain contact long enough to make your appeal. However, they feel obligated to allow you to try."_

"So, they will not refuse contact?"

"_Captain, I will not deny they are afraid. They have no direct experience with aliens, only through me. They remember the victim who died and how upset I was. They do not know enough of God to believe in a repeat of yesterday's miracle, especially since what you are attempting today involves twice as many contact points. This has never been done before. They are afraid of the unknown. And yes, Captain, they are afraid of _you_."_

"Afraid of _me_! But why?"

"_You are strange. They do not understand you. And you are powerful, with a power they do not understand. Whether their fear will outweigh their sense of obligation, I cannot say. But the obligation is strong, or they would not even agree to attempt it."_

"I understand. Whenever you're ready then."

They were transported to a place Kirk had not seen before. It seemed to be a kind of short hallway, because it opened into much larger spaces on either end. But it was not a hallway in human proportions (15'w x 30'l x 20'h). Kirk looked around and saw four snake-arms approaching slowly from each open end of the room. He turned to reassure his crew.

"Jim, are you sure you want to..."

Kirk interrupted him. "It's okay, Bones. I was going to do this anyway. I was hoping to save Third's life first, that's all. But we'll just have to do it this way." He turned to the group. "I'm sorry you all have to watch this, but it's important to them that you be here."

"What do you want us to do, Captain?" asked Sulu.

"Relax; get comfortable. Get used to the air, gravity, and lights. Dr. McCoy has anti-nausea pills if anybody needs them. Don't interfere, and don't go exploring. Remember, we're guests, and these people are paranoid. Act interested, but not worried. Your job is harder than mine. I pray God's peace on each of you as you watch and wait. Any questions?"

There were none, so Kirk turned and walked to a point equidistant from the two ends, sat down, and waited for them to approach. They came to within a foot of him, then rose up about four feet, leaning towards him slightly at the top, but not enough to be touching each other. It felt a little like he was in a cage, and he had to quickly reject that image, before it affected his emotional state. The arms swayed a little, but did not come closer. Suddenly, Kirk had a thought.

"Spock, do you suppose this is the extent of their reach?"

"One moment, Captain." Spock went to the doorway and looked out. Returning cautiously, he approached Kirk. "I believe it might be. My observations indicate this one would have to move his base to come any closer. Shall I check the other room?"

"No. I think we can assume they are alike. Which poses a problem. We do not have enough length to wrap me up the way First did. They need a great deal of physical contact to be reassured. They don't want to come any closer, and I don't think they have any better idea how to do this than we do."

"Are you absolutely certain you are not projecting any anxiety about the success of this attempt?"

"Good point. I'm trying too hard." He paused. "Lord Jesus, tell me what to do."

Kirk did not speak again. He slowly reached out to one of the snake-arms, drew it around himself, and hugged it. Then he did the same with one of the arms from the other side. Next, he wove the two of them together in such a way as to leave the open ends centered over his head. He repeated the process with each of the arms. When he was finished, he had constructed a helmet of the ends of the arms, and a harness of the arms that would support his weight and provide as many points of contact as possible, given the length limits. He settled himself in the harness and pulled the helmet over his head. He relaxed completely and concentrated on sending the peace of Jesus.

Nothing happened. After a while, Kirk asked the Lord what he should do next.

"Spock, they're still frightened. Gather the crew in a tight circle around us. The Lord said to surround them with His love."

"Yes, Captain." Kirk didn't hear the reply, but assumed Spock had heard him.

Spock went to the crew, told them what the Captain wanted, and spoke the peace of the Lord to each of them - eye to eye, but without any mindmeld. Then the crew moved to encircle Kirk. They sat down as close as they could get, touching each other as well as several of the arms. Kirk was aware of their presence, although the helmet blocked his vision, as well as his hearing.

Suddenly, Kirk felt all the arms constrict around him. *Yes!* he said mentally, then calmed his excitement and sent a quiet welcome: *Come. Do not fear. I bring you peace.* When he felt the pain of contact, his response was so full of joy, that he forgot the pain. He had almost blacked out before he remembered what he was supposed to be doing.

Those watching heard him gasp, saw his mouth widen in a big smile, tears stream down his cheeks, and his breathing become very ragged. Then for a moment, he didn't breathe at all. When he resumed breathing, it was much more calm and peaceful. Spock couldn't see his face, but he knew Jim Kirk well enough to know exactly what happened, just from hearing him breathe. He raised an eyebrow at how close Jim had let it go.

*Sorry. I was so glad you had come, I forgot to control the pain. Please forgive me.*

*We do not understand.*

*Please explain this 'forgive.'*

Kirk heard two distinctly different voices in his mind.

*It means I acknowledge that I've done something wrong that damaged you. It's asking if you can release me from responsibility for this wrong. It's asking if you can accept the consequences of the damage I caused you, without letting it interfere with our relationship in the future.*

*In what way have you damaged us?*

*It seems to me that we have damaged you.*

Kirk mentally numbered the voices 'one' and 'two'.

*Do you not feel everything I feel as long as we are in contact?*

*Yes.* Kirk thought it was voice one. *But physical pain does not distress us. As a matter of scientific curiosity, is it twice as much pain as with just one of us?*

Kirk concentrated for a moment on the pain, and was immediately overwhelmed. He paused before replying, to get the pain under control again. *I cannot say precisely, but it is definitely much more intense. Were it not for the miracle of Jesus taking the pain, I wouldn't last one minute. Incidentally, if I do lose consciousness, please stay as long as you need to. My mind is open to you. I have nothing to hide. But I'm curious: If you don't fear the pain, then what were you afraid of?*

Voice two answered. *We caused you and your officer a great deal of real pain.*

*You mean you feared an emotional attack from me? Like what Spock did? I'm sorry you do not know us well enough to understand how appalling an idea that is. But does this mean you are taking responsibility for what First did?*

Voice two again. *Yes. That is why we felt obligated to meet with you. It was only when we felt the emotional state of your officer that we were able to overcome our fear and be open to you.*

*Now that we are here, can you tell me how the others are included in this conference? I can only sense the presence of the two of you.*

Voice one answered. *I send a complete record of everything we say, as we are saying it, to the next one in the ring. He sends it to the next, and so on, until all know. Any comments or questions they have would be received by Sixty-five here. He is of Third clan, and I am of First clan. You can call me Fourteen. Do you wish name designations for all the others?*

*That is not necessary at this time, although I hope to have the opportunity to meet each of them individually.* He paused. *I requested this conference with the intention of appealing to you on behalf of First. This morning I learned that you had refused to pardon Third. May I ask why you have refused First's request?*

Fourteen answered. *There was nothing in our instructions from the Ruling Ring that provides for this. Under the circumstances, no one but the Ruling Ring can pardon Third. First is no longer the ruler, since by his own admission, he was wrong about the vision.*

Sixty-five interrupted. *I am receiving a question. Captain, why do you care what happens to Third or to First?*

*We value all of life, not just our own. We stand ready to do anything we can to save the lives of First and Third. Do I assume correctly that Third will not live long enough to get home to receive a pardon?*

*That is probably correct,* responded Sixty-five.

_ *_Will First be still alive when you get home?*

*Very likely, but not for much longer. They both knew that, when we left home.*

*So, the idea of a pardon did not enter anyone's thinking, until after you met us?*

*That is correct.*

*The rulers did not give you any contingency plan for dealing with new information?*

Fourteen answered this time. *Actually, yes, they did. By a unanimous vote, we can change the instructions in light of unexpected information.*

*Ah, I see. Then the vote was not unanimous. Do you all agree that the vision was accurate?*

*I believe so.*

*I'll wait while you get confirmation.*

Sixty-five reported. *Five, yes; two, abstain, on the basis that the vision was not completed.*

*We'll come back to that. Of those who believe the vision is accurate, how many also believe that we have something vital to your survival? Other than First and Third.*

*Only one.*

*I contend that if even one of you believes it, you solve nothing by killing First and Third. And I don't believe killing people ever solves anything. I believe that God Himself, Creator of all that is, sent you that vision, which drew you to us. I believe He wants to show you Himself this day, so that you may begin to know Him. If you reject the message, you make the same mistake First did. If First dies, which of you will carry the knowledge of God to your people?*

Sixty-five burst out: *I wish to know God. I am the one who believes. Though they will kill me, too, I wish to know God!*

*There, you see? There will always be one who believes. God will see to it. How much better to abandon this killing and choose life! Sixty-five, you can know God simply by asking Him to reveal Himself to you. I hope to have the opportunity to discuss this with you further, but the essence of God's character is a self-giving love that cannot be shaken.*

*I am receiving another question. How do you propose to show us your God?*

*To answer that, I must ask another question: How many of you believe First's testimony that humans do not have the ability to sustain contact with you long enough to carry on a conversation?*

*There is unanimous agreement that the first human we tried to contact died from the attempt. But we do not know whether he was abnormal, or you are abnormal.*

*Then I must lose consciousness to prove to you that it is only by the power of God that I can talk with you. In a moment, I'm going to stop giving the pain to the Lord. I will very shortly thereafter lose consciousness. While I am out, I want you to take from my mind everything I know about God. The Lord will know when you have finished, and He will wake me up. Then we can resume our conversation. Are you willing to do this?*

Fourteen said, *You seem very confident. What do we do if God doesn't wake you?*

*Nothing is too hard for God. If I'm not awake within two minutes after you finish gathering data, you can kick us out of here, and we'll all go home. By the way, about how long will it take you?*

*A few minutes.*

*Good. Then Bones won't have time to get worried. I'll talk to you again shortly.* He paused. *Okay, Lord, I set it up, now the ball's in Your court.* He waited for the pain to overtake him. It did, suddenly and powerfully. He barely had time to gasp for air, and he was out cold.

McCoy heard the sharp intake of breath and looked up to see Kirk's mouth slack with unconsciousness.

"Spock! Jim's unconscious."

"Yes, Doctor. Do not be alarmed."

"Why not?"

"He almost lost consciousness twice before. Do you observe a difference between those two occurrences and this?"

"This happened suddenly, almost instantaneously."

"Precisely. If my conclusions are accurate, he should regain consciousness shortly."

"And what are your conclusions?"

"The other occurrences were essentially accidents. At first, he was too excited to deal with the pain. Then, they probably asked him about it, and he made the mistake of thinking about it. This was deliberate. There is a high probability that he did it on purpose."

"And what is the other possibility?"

"That it was an attack. However, logic indicates they would now be attacking us, which they are not, so that is an unlikely possibility."

"But why would Jim do such a thing?"

"Discussion has undoubtedly reached the point at which he must prove that it is God's power that sustains him in the meld."

"But you said he would regain consciousness shortly."

"He will have asked the Lord to wake him at a pre-determined point in time."

"That's medically impossible!"

"No more so than what he's been doing. And with God, nothing is impossible."

Fourteen and Sixty-five discussed what to do.

*We didn't even agree to do this.* That was Fourteen.

*No, but now that he's done it, we should go ahead and obtain the data.* Sixty-five was more practical. *I am recording at fast speed for future playback.*

*I can't decide if this being is a crazy fool or the most courageous one I've ever met.*

*Why don't you take a vote?* He paused while the vote was collected. *The vote is two for crazy fool, one for most courageous, and two abstainers. You know who they are. They say, if he wakes up, they'll vote courageous. If not, he's a fool. That leaves you and me. I'm voting courageous. The only thing I can't decide is whether the Captain or his First Officer is more courageous. And if you asked them, they'd probably each say the other was. One thing I'm certain of, and that's that I could never do the things I've seen them do since we met. They have a power we know nothing about, and I vote we do whatever it takes to find out.* He paused. *I'm almost finished recording, and before you have to ask, yes, I'm getting an entire record, not just what he knows about God, but everything. That's it then. I'm done.*

*How long was I out?*

Fourteen was astonished. *Less than four minutes, and less than three seconds after we finished.*

Kirk smiled. *Thank you, Lord. What is the vote now concerning the power of God to do this miracle?*

*You have a majority, but it's not unanimous. The vote is four to three.*

*I'd like to clarify just what it is I'm negotiating for. Do you all agree, that if I can convince all seven of you that the power of God is real, then you will permit us to attempt to save the life of Third? And not only permit it, but help us to do so?*

Fourteen asked, *In what way would you want our help?*

*I think it's going to take the combined efforts of all of us to convince Third to choose life. In fact, I would like the help of First as well. Although, I am willing to postpone any discussion of First's death until after Third's fate is known.*

Fourteen summarized. *So, you wish us to reverse our decision about Third, and hold in abeyance any conclusions about First, on the basis that the power of God is sufficient new information to warrant such a reversal.*

*That's correct.*

*Please wait while we vote.*

There was a long pause.

_ *_It is unanimous. If you can convince all seven, then we will do as you ask.*

*Thank you. My next question is for the three who are still unconvinced. What will it take to convince you?*

Another long pause.

*There are two problems, Captain. One is that the vision has not been completed. We do not really know in what way your First Officer has re-joined the circle. Also, while your ring is all here, only you have bonded with us, rather than each of your people with one of us. The other problem is that we have so little experience with humans that we cannot be certain that what you did was by the power of God and not an innate ability.*

*Would the direct testimony of my First Officer satisfy you concerning his re-joining? And if so, are you willing to bond with him in order to get that testimony?*

*Yes, and Yes,* replied Sixty-five.

*I also,* added Fourteen.

*Good. About the rest of the vision, we talked about that this morning. We came prepared to complete the vision by each of us bonding with one of you. I believe the Lord will do this for us, even though three of our number do not know Him personally.*

Fourteen asked, *Are you saying that some of you do not believe in God and yet believe He will do this miracle?*

*They believe that I believe, and they're willing to act on that belief. We call it faith. Just as we will need you to act, to take the initiative to bond with us, even though some of you do not believe. Are you all willing to bond with us?*

*Yes, we have unanimous agreement. Captain, I'm curious. How do you get people to do what you want them to, simply by asking, when you know they don't want to do it?*

Kirk chuckled. *I don't know. Maybe because I always try to meet people more than half-way. And I never ask my people to do anything I'm not willing to do.* He paused. *But I don't know how to solve your second objection. Would the testimony of my medical officer help? Do you need to see us all out cold on the floor? What will it take to convince you that humans can't do this?*

There was a long pause.

*Not all of you, but a sample of three. These three.* Sixty-five showed him mental pictures of Uhura, Sulu, and Scotty. *And afterwards, we would like the testimony of your medical officer as to what occurred.*

*Two of the three you selected are among our non-believers. I assume you do not want any of them to seek help from God to control the pain. Are you are willing to initiate bonding with them in order to carry out this experiment?*

Fourteen answered. *Yes, provided you can give us assurance there will be no emotional counterattack.*

*If my people agree to do this, they will not blame you for the results. I am certain of that. In fact, I can predict that Chekov will feel slighted that you didn't pick him.*

Sixty-five replied, *You can tell him he is too much like you.*

_ *_One other question: Will you want the three of them to bond with the two of you together, as we are doing, or with just one of you, as I did with First?*

*With the two of us,* said Sixty-five, *so the contact will be communicated to the entire delegation.*

*I understand. If there's nothing further we need to discuss, I'll send you Spock first, then each of the other three. After they regain consciousness, I'll send you Dr. McCoy. After that, I'll be back myself to discuss the next step. Any questions?*

*None, Captain. We are releasing you now.*


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Kirk took off the helmet and felt the harness loosening. He looked around at his crew and smiled reassuringly. He was not looking forward to telling them what came next. It was always easier to do such things himself, than to ask his people to do them.

"We're making progress, but we're not there yet. Spock, they want to talk to you. Can we switch places?"

"Of course, Captain."

Kirk wriggled out from underneath and Spock took his place, adjusting the harness to fit his own body. He calmly placed the helmet on his head, the harness tightened around him, and contact was initiated. Kirk motioned the crew to withdraw, knowing they weren't needed here. He explained briefly and concisely what had been accomplished, what still needed doing, and what they had been asked to do and why.

"I can't ask you to do this. I would do it myself a dozen times, before I'd ask any of you to. Unfortunately, that wouldn't help. They already think I'm some kind of superman. They need to broaden their database, so you're elected."

"It's okay, Captain," encouraged Sulu. "We understand. We also know what it's like to watch. You'll survive it." He smiled.

"You're right. And I _will_ watch. I promise you. Scotty, the point is to prove humans can't do this, so don't ask Jesus to help you maintain contact."

"Aye, Cap'n. I understand."

Uhura suggested, "Age before beauty, Scotty. You get to go first."

"I'm neither old nor beautiful, so I'll go last," volunteered Sulu.

Uhura laughed. "Suit yourself, Sulu."

Kirk had known there was never any question that they would do it. He was grateful they understood each other so well, that many words were not necessary.

He turned to McCoy. "Your job is the hardest. After watching these three get knocked out, and monitoring their recovery, you have to maintain contact long enough to give them a medical report. So, you're the next miracle we need to pray for."

They drifted back towards Spock, to be on hand when he was finished. Shortly thereafter, Spock removed the helmet and climbed out of the harness.

"Fascinating means of communication. Each tentacle contains thousands of -"

Kirk interrupted, "Never mind the technical explanation. Did they believe you?"

"Indications tend toward the affirmative."

"I'll take that as a 'yes'. Which means, we're on to the next step. Scotty?"

Scotty took his place in the harness and put the helmet over his head. Nothing happened.

"Okay, people, we're going to have to help again. Scotty, you probably can't hear me, but you need to relax. Everybody, put one hand on Scotty and the other on a snake-arm, and think relaxing thoughts. There is no need to fear. We want them to do this. We want to save the lives of First and Third. We choose life, joy, and peace."

As Kirk finished speaking, the harness tightened, Scotty took two or three gasping breaths, and was out cold. They gently removed him from the harness, and laid him out on the floor. McCoy examined him, predicted he would wake up with a headache, but no permanent damage.

"Which reminds me, don't you want something for your headache?"

"Bones, I don't _have_ a headache. I feel fine."

"Are you telling me you felt no pain?"

"No, I felt it when it was happening, but there are no residual effects. Which is not to say Scotty won't have a headache. He probably will. But you're satisfied it's safe?"

"That depends on your definition of safe. There's no sign of permanent damage. And yes, I've scanned you, too. As far as the scanner can tell, you could do this all day without any effects. But common sense tells me this has got to be dangerous."

"Okay, Bones. I'll keep it in mind. Meanwhile, Uhura's next."

Kirk hoped it would get easier. It didn't. Especially because she smiled at him in sympathy before putting on the helmet. It got immeasurably worse when she lasted several minutes, certainly longer than he himself would have lasted. And her agony was obvious, though she made no sound.

*I (gasp) am Uhura. (gasp, gasp) Who are you?*

*I am Fourteen, and this is Sixty-five. Why are you doing this?*

*Communicating (gasp) with other (gasp) life-forms (gasp) is my favorite (gasp) activity. (gasp, gasp) It's also (gasp) my job. (gasp, gasp) But (gasp) I'm really (gasp) doing this (gasp) for the Captain (gasp, gasp) and I (gasp) count it (gasp) a privilege (gasp) to serve him. (gasp, gasp) We all do. (gasp, gasp)*

*I understand. You seem to be in distress.*

*Not (gasp) really, (gasp, gasp) but (gasp) I can't (gasp, gasp) last (gasp) much (gasp) longer. (gasp, gasp) I hope (gasp, gasp) we (gasp) can (gasp, gasp) talk (gasp, gasp, gasp) again (gasp, gasp, gasp, gasp) soon.* And she lost consciousness.

They removed her from the harness, with McCoy shaking his head at her. However, he found no more sign of damage in her than in Scotty, so they went ahead with Sulu.

"Don't worry, Captain," Sulu grinned. "I'm not trying what Uhura did. Name, rank, and serial number is all they'll get from me."

"They're not enemies, and we're not prisoners, but this is torture. Can you relax? It's easier if you can accept it, not fight it."

"Stop worrying, Captain. I'll be fine."

He put on the helmet, and the harness tightened almost immediately. Sulu lasted longer than Scotty, but nowhere near as long as Uhura. McCoy monitored the three of them, as they waited for them to wake up. Kirk was really rattled by watching Uhura go through it. He noticed that Chekov was, too.

"I vould have wolunteered, sir. She should not have had to suffer so."

"I know you would, Chekov. I didn't pick them. They did. They said you were too much like me."

"I am honored, sir."

"_Why_ did she have to try to talk to them?!" Kirk was frustrated.

"For the same reason Mr. Spock approaches problems logically," Chekov responded.

McCoy put in, "Or you, Jim, insist on taking all the risks yourself."

Spock was encouraging. "There is this benefit: We now know that humans _can_ maintain contact long enough to deliver a short message."

"I feel guilty because my contact with them was so easy."

"Captain, it is illogical to feel guilty about something you did not do. Jesus did it. Also, it is unlikely they would have the patience to endure a conversation interrupted every few minutes by periods of unconsciousness."

"Jim, you may think it's easy, but it doesn't sound easy to me, and I don't know if I can do it."

"Bones, all you have to do is give the pain to Jesus. He does the rest."

"There is one other thing, Captain. Before you can give the pain to Jesus, you must first receive it and accept it. It is the opposite of denying the existence of the pain."

"You both have far more experience in dealing with personal pain than I do. My job is alleviating the pain of others. I don't know _how_ to do what you're talking about."

"It starts with wanting to. How badly do you want to save Third's life? Secondly, you have to trust the Lord completely. Is He present with you now?"

"Yes."

"Is He going to run and hide when you put on that helmet?"

"No, but I want to."

"What is it that you fear?"

"I'm afraid the pain will be so overwhelming that I won't be able to think, much less give the pain to Jesus."

"He knows that. Nothing is too hard for Him. Can you trust Him? Can you give Him your fear?"

"I'll try."

Chekov interrupted, "Keptin, Doctor, Mr. Scott is vaking up."

They moved to his side. The doctor scanned him with the medical tricorder.

"Don't sit up, Scotty. Can you hear me?"

"Aye."

"How does your head feel?"

"I've had worse hangovers, but nae verra often."

McCoy prepared a hypo. "I'm going to give you something that should help. I want you to lie still for five minutes. Give it a chance to start working before you get up. And keep your eyes closed. This weird light will make it worse. Here's the Captain. He wants to talk to you."

"I'm sorry, Scotty."

"What are ye bein' sorry aboot, Cap'n? It's a privilege ta serve. And there's nae harm done, or is there?"

"No, McCoy said there was no permanent damage in any of you."

"How are the others?"

"They'll be fine, but you're the first to awaken." He paused. "Scotty, I have a question. Do you think this experience will make it more difficult for you to participate in the next step?"

"You mean, havin' experienced it, am I more afraid o' doin' it again? Nay, I dinna think so. We knew this mornin' that the thing was impossible. Merely havin' it confirmed doesna' change anythin'."

"And the pain?"

"The headache's gettin' better already. Oh, ye want ta know if I'm afraid o' the pain? Cap'n," he chided reprovingly, "surely ye know, we wouldna' be yer crew if'n we were more afraid o' pain than o' failin' ye. Dinna ye worry none, I'll be right there when ye need me."

"Thank you, Scotty."

Kirk moved to talk to Uhura, as soon as McCoy was finished with her.

"Are you angry with me, Captain?"

Kirk sighed. "No, I'm not. But tell me, was it worth it?"

"Oh, yes, Captain. Telepathic communication is so intriguing. My mind translates it into words, but there's so much more. They each only said one sentence, but I know things they didn't really say. One of them, Fourteen, he said he was, doesn't want to be doing this, but his sense of duty is very high, like Mr. Spock's. The other, Sixty-five, has a great deal of compassion, like Dr. McCoy."

"And you have a great deal of discernment." Kirk smiled. "I'll try to remember that you know things about me that I don't say."

"Don't worry, Captain. I'll never tell."

Kirk went to speak to Sulu also.

"How are you feeling, Sulu?"

"The doctor says I'll be doing much better in a few minutes. But if you've got a way to fight that kind of pain, I'll be the first to admit it's miraculous."

"You don't fight it; you accept it. And trust Jesus to take it, before it overwhelms you. You let it flow through you, and you feel it as it goes past, but it doesn't affect you."

"I don't begin to understand that, and I don't see how you can make it happen in us, just by believing it can be done."

"I understand. Dr. McCoy will be grateful we're calling it off."

"Hold on, Captain. Don't get me wrong. Just because I don't understand it, doesn't mean I'm unwilling. I thought we settled that this morning."

"We did, but that was before you had experienced what it's like."

"And you think I would change my mind!?"

"You have every right to," Kirk smiled, "but no, I didn't really think you would."

"Good. Now that's settled, what's next?"

"You sit tight for a few more minutes. I'm going to talk to Chekov; then Dr. McCoy has to give a medical report."

Kirk left Sulu and sought out Chekov. "I'm just checking with everybody to give you one last chance to back out. We don't have to do this. Now that you've seen what it's like, are you wishing you'd stayed home?"

"I'll not deny, Keptin, that it scares me. I don't know if I can face that kind of pain. I don't know if I can do vhat you need me to do. I don't know Jesus personally, so how can I trust Him to do this thing for me? I believe that you believe He can do it, but is that really enough? As I stand here asking myself these questions, one thing is clear to me, and that is that it's not in me to quit. Logic tells me that ve cannot do this, and ve are crazy to try. But this von't be the first time ve've done something that vas crazy. So even though I am afraid of failing, I vill stay. Do not call it off because of me."

"Thank you, Chekov. I am overwhelmed by all of you."


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

All three patients were on their feet.

"I suppose I have to do this," the doctor complained.

"No, you don't," Kirk answered. "But if you refuse, I doubt we'll be given the chance to save Third's life."

"Right. Keep reminding me that's why we're doing this."

They got McCoy into the harness. The rest closed in a circle around him, sensing the contact would be difficult. McCoy put on the helmet, and they watched him try to relax. Kirk began to pray.

"Lord, we need You to undertake on Dr. McCoy's behalf. I believe You planned this encounter from the beginning, and we're just taking each step as You show us what to do. Right now, I'm asking You to show Your power by enabling Bones to talk with Fourteen and Sixty-five, and through them to the whole delegation. We ask for a supernatural peace to be present in all of us right now."

As he spoke these words, the harness tightened and contact was made. McCoy took one sharp breath. Otherwise, his breathing was even and uninterrupted. Kirk and Spock exchanged looks of pleased surprise, but said nothing. A short time later, McCoy took off the helmet and crawled out of the harness.

"Jim, you're not going to believe this! I didn't feel any pain at all!"

Kirk smiled. "That's wonderful, Bones! What did they say?"

"Oh, I gave them a brief medical report, confirming what they basically already knew. They seemed satisfied. Now, they want to talk to you again."

"Did they have any response to your lack of pain?"

"They seemed about as surprised as I was, but they didn't say anything about it."

"Okay, everybody relax, while I confer with them. This shouldn't take long."

Kirk wiggled into the harness and donned the helmet. He barely had time for one deep breath before contact was made. Kirk had managed to forget how intense the pain was. As he asked Jesus to take the pain, he sensed a whispered, 'Are you sure?'

Recognizing his own divided heart on the subject, he replied that he wanted to remain conscious, to be able to communicate, and, remembering Uhura's face, to be able to control his breathing, so that those watching would not be troubled. And the Lord did as he asked. He found that he could control his breathing, with difficulty, and manage to think about what he wanted to say to Fourteen and Sixty-five, but just barely.

Sixty-five was concerned. *Captain, are you all right? We sense a higher level of pain than before.*

*I'm fine. And it's my own fault. Does it distress you?*

*No, if it doesn't distress you.*

*The Lord is not averse to showing me my own foolishness. I was complaining earlier about how easy this was.*

*You _wished_ it to be more difficult?!*

*I felt guilty about Uhura. I do not ask my people to do that which I'm unwilling to do.*

*So, this is to prove to her that you are willing to endure?*

*This is to prove it to myself. She would be horrified. Can we talk about something else?*

*One other question: Why did your medical officer have no pain, while you have so much more?*

*The Lord understands us both. Bones hates pain. He has battled the pain of others as an enemy all his life. Also, the Lord wanted to show me what is possible, if I will ask Him. Now, I have a question: Do all of the delegation now believe that humans cannot sustain contact with you for any length of time, unless the Lord intervenes?*

He waited while they collected responses.

*Yes, provisionally. Given the limited database, they are willing to concede, pending evidence to the contrary, that this is likely to be true.*

*Does this mean that even if we succeed in completing the vision, that you will say this only proves that humans _can_ do this after all, and not that the Lord had done it?*

*I'm afraid that is a real possibility,* replied Fourteen.

*Does the delegation agree that Spock has rejoined the circle?*

*His testimony was most persuasive,* responded Sixty-five. *All are agreed on this point.*

*Good. Then are you willing to let us attempt to complete the vision?*

Fourteen protested. *You still wish to, even though we cannot promise you the results you desire?*

*Yes, I do.*

*Are your people still willing after what they have experienced?*

*Yes, all are willing.*

*In that case, we cannot deny you the opportunity to attempt it.*

*Does this mean your people promise to initiate contact? Do we need a group of us to help with each contact, as we did with you?*

*That should not be necessary if each of you maintains a relaxed body and peaceful emotions. However, I will take a vote.*

Sixty-five reported. *It is suggested that their ability to do this unassisted would support the theory that God is responsible for their success.*

*Is there any other way we can lend support to that idea?*

Fourteen asked for suggestions. Sixty-five reported the response.

*One idea is to join their non-believers with ours. Another is to ask their God to do this without any pain being experienced by any of them, but not to let the Captain tell anyone in advance, that's what he's asking for. And nobody gets help from their First Officer either. The last idea offered is that their First Officer would have to do this the same way the others do, not using his own abilities to control pain or communicate telepathically.*

*How do you propose making sure the Captain doesn't tell anybody anything?* Fourteen was skeptical. *We can't monitor their conversations, you know.*

*I can solve that problem for you,* responded Kirk. *I'll give instructions aloud while we are still connected. You will then hear everything I say to them. We won't disconnect this contact until all of them have left the vicinity. Is this satisfactory?*

*Yes, except I understand you have some kind of distance communications device.*

*We'll take them off and leave them here. Our non-believers are Sulu, Chekov, and Uhura. What are your instructions for placing them?*

*Really; I assumed she was a believer.*

*No; she just wants very much to talk with you.*

*Very well. These are my recommendations. Please wait while we get a vote. Counter-clockwise beginning with myself, and using their name designations: Spock, Scotty, Sulu, Uhura, Bones, Chekov, Kirk.*

Sixty-five reported. *This order is approved. You may proceed, Captain.*

*"Spock, Bones, everybody, gather round. They want to monitor these instructions, so I'm leaving the helmet on. This means I can neither see nor hear you. But if you can hear me, somebody squeeze my arm."* Sulu did. *"Okay, from here on there is to be no talking among yourselves. Spock, they especially do not want you to assist in any way, or give an appearance of assisting anyone. Understood?"* Spock lightly touched his shoulder. *"Chekov, please collect everybody's communicator and place them on the floor by the wall. Spock, take mine, too."* He paused while Chekov complied.

*"In just a moment, I'll give you the placements they have assigned. You can reach your designated position by walking through the rooms from here to there. Once everyone is in position, they will initiate contact. I imagine it will be more like what I did yesterday with First than this helmet and harness we're using this morning. But any way they want to do it is fine with us. Please maintain contact for at least ten minutes. Talk about anything you like. Then if you don't get any other instructions, come on back here. Sulu, if everyone understands, give me another squeeze."* Everyone nodded assent, so Sulu squeezed Kirk's arm. No one asked how Kirk knew it had been Sulu the first time. *"There's one other thing. Spock, they want you to do this the same way we're doing it, without using your abilities to control pain or communicate telepathically. Can you do this?" * Spock slowly and deliberately placed his hand on Kirk's arm and squeezed. *"Good. I'm praying for each one of you. And may God show Himself strong through us on behalf of Third and his people.

*"Now, your positions: Uhura, you're farthest away, so you can leave first. You're the fourth room down in either direction."* Uhura squeezed his arm and left. *"Sulu, you're next: third room down on my right - that's counter-clockwise. Bones, you're the third room on my left."* Sulu and McCoy left. *"Scotty, you're second room on my right, and Chekov, second room on my left."* They also left. *"Spock, that leaves you and me. You get Fourteen, the room on my right, and I take Sixty-five, the room on my left. I'll give you a minute to get out of here, before I take off this helmet."* Spock touched his shoulder lightly and was gone.

*Any further instructions, questions, or comments?*

*Very nicely done, Captain.* Fourteen replied. *All is in order.*

*Do you need to take this helmet apart in order to bond with Spock and myself? And if so, do you need help?*

*Yes, we will take it apart, and no, we don't need your help. Disconnecting now.*

Kirk took off the helmet, and the whole harness fell apart as they retreated to their own rooms. Kirk had a headache and realized again how foolish he had been. But he put that aside as he walked into Sixty-five's room. He began fervently praying for what they were about to do. He prayed for each of the others; that they would have no fear, but would instead experience a profound peace; that from the moment of contact, there would be no pain for any of them, including Spock and himself.

He was so busy praying, that he didn't notice Sixty-five winding his arms around him until his face was covered. Then he realized what was happening and relaxed his body suddenly and completely. As he prayed that the others would be able to do that, Sixty-five initiated contact. He felt a light pressure on his head, but no pain. In fact, the pain of his headache was gone, too.

*Feel that, Sixty-five?! No pain! Thank you, Lord! Praise you, Jesus! Hallelujah! Can you tell about any of the others yet?*

*Most of the others don't have contact yet. They are proceeding cautiously. Fourteen reports he has contact with Spock. Spock reports no pain, but Fourteen doesn't know how to tell whether Spock is controlling.*

*I could tell. Can you connect me with them, and would Fourteen believe my word?*

*We have strong taboos against what you are suggesting, in order to protect confidential conversations.*

*What if Spock gave his permission?*

*I'll ask.* (pause) *Fourteen would value your assistance, and Spock gives permission, so I am connecting you.*

*Spock, are you there?*

*Yes, Jim, I am here.*

*And Fourteen, are you with us?*

*Yes, I am.*

*Fourteen, to the best of my knowledge, what I am about to ask Spock to show you, he has never revealed to anyone other than myself. Spock, are your shields down?*

*Yes, my mind is open to you.*

*Spock, will you show us the door behind which you hid all that pain?* And Spock did. *Fourteen, the last time I was here, Spock opened this door for me, and I saw the raging furnace of agony that was here, because of what we had just gone through. Spock, I know what's on the other side of this door, but Fourteen doesn't. Will you open it for him?*

*Certainly, Captain.*

Spock calmly and deliberately opened the door. The room beyond was empty and clean, a slight smell of flowers, but not a sign of the raging furnace. Kirk encouraged Fourteen to enter and look around. It was spotlessly clean.

*Spock, is it true that if you were controlling any pain, there would be evidence of it here?*

*That is correct. After the Lord cleaned this place out early this morning, I decided I liked it this way. So, after my interview with the delegation, I asked Him to clean out the pain from that encounter, also. Not at all necessary, you understand, but it frees me to devote more attention to other things.*

*So you see, Fourteen, there is no pain, because the Lord has done this for us.*

*I see in your memories what this place was like before. You say your God did this? You almost have me persuaded.*

Kirk asked, *Sixty-five, can you get us a report on any of the others yet?*

*I have reports from your medical officer and your engineering officer. Both have contact with no pain. I am getting a report from your helm officer. He also has contact with no pain. No report yet on the other two.*

*While we wait, can we discuss what could be done for Third, if you allow us to make the attempt? Sixty-five, he's from your clan. Do you have any suggestions for reviving him?*

*He needs light. We generate our own light, but his light is very dim.*

Fourteen said, *Only First can enter his room, and he does not wish to, because of his bitterness over Third's betrayal.*

*If my conversation with him yesterday is any indication, that may have changed.*

Spock asked, *If you cannot enter his room, how do we show him the completed vision?*

*Oh, we can extend our arms into his room, but only First can _go_ into his room.*

*Could you do that and maintain our contact, or would we have to reconnect after we were in his room?*

*You would have to enter his room through First's room, and I would have to reconnect with you there.*

*Is this true of each of the seven?*

*Yes.*

Kirk interrupted, *It's been too long. Sixty-five, why don't we have a report on Chekov and Uhura?*

*There are difficulties, Captain.*

*What kind?*

*The report on your navigation officer is that he cannot relax.*

*Lord, I ask you right now to speak peace to Chekov, complete peace of soul and body.*

Fourteen protested, *Chekov cannot hear you.*

*He doesn't have to. The Lord hears.*

*I have a report of contact! It must have happened just as you began speaking! And there is no pain.*

*Welcome to the party. What is the problem with Uhura?*

*We have one among us who is afraid of pain,* Fourteen admitted.

*You hooked him up with Uhura on purpose, didn't you?*

*Yes.*

*Nothing is too hard for God. May I have a name designation for this one?*

*You may call him Twenty-nine.*

Sixty-five reported, *He admits that Uhura is completely relaxed and projecting warm encouragement, but he just cannot force himself to initiate contact. He's tied in knots with fear.*

Kirk spoke quietly. *Jesus, I ask You to speak peace into Twenty-nine's heart. Take away the fear and untie the knots, so he is free to choose whether to talk to Uhura.*

*I have contact! He did it! I didn't think he would. And Captain, there is no pain. Your God has done what you asked.*

*Yes, He has. May I be allowed to guess which of you are the non-believers?*

*Of course, Captain,* replied Fourteen.

*The one with Chekov, Twenty-nine, and yourself, Fourteen.*

*How did you know?*

*I've known all morning that you did not believe. The others, I didn't know, but the Lord knew which ones needed extra convincing. And now, will you vote again on whether to allow us to attempt to save Third?*

*Yes, we will vote again.*

*We have unanimous agreement. You win.*

*It was the timing of those last two miracles. You could not possibly have engineered them. Any God that can free Twenty-nine from his fear is Someone I want to know.*

*Praise the Lord! We'd like to introduce Him to you right now. Spock, I'll let you do the honors, while I talk to Sixty-five.*

They led them both to the Lord. When they were finished, more than ten minutes had elapsed.

*Now, if you'll point me to First's room, I want to discuss Third's situation with him. And pass the word to tell my crew to meet me there.*


	19. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

They disconnected, and Sixty-five used an arm to show him to the broad steps leading up to First's room. He found the room dark and empty, lit only by the seven doorways, one of which he had entered by. Also, there was light coming from a large hole in the floor to one side. As Kirk approached the hole, Spock was right behind him.

"It appears that First is already in Third's room."

"Yes. The question now is how do _we_ get down there."

"Jump," replied Spock.

McCoy was just approaching. "Are you crazy?! It must be twenty feet down!"

"And we are in one-third standard gravity, Doctor."

"One at a time," Kirk instructed; "we don't want to land on each other." And he jumped.

"When do we worry about getting back out?" McCoy objected.

Sulu had just come up. "Later, Doctor." And Sulu jumped. Uhura was next. Then McCoy decided to quit stalling and he jumped next. Then Chekov, followed by Scotty, and Spock was last. Kirk was looking around. He observed that the delegation were sending in their arms, and that his crew was all there. So, he devoted his attention to First and Third. McCoy had his medical tricorder out. Third looked truly far gone. First did not look quite his cheerful self - something a little droopy about his arms, and his light was missing some brightness. Obviously aware of their presence, he was backing into a corner and wrapping his arms around himself. Kirk became alarmed.

"First! Don't do that! I want to talk to you. Spock, Sulu, give me a hand!"

He grabbed one of First's arms and wouldn't let go. So did everyone else, except McCoy and Scotty, who couldn't move fast enough.

"Since he's not talking, I assume he wasn't able to set up the PA system, so there's only one way to talk to him."

They helped him create a helmet; Kirk didn't bother with a harness. He wasn't in the mood for politeness. He placed the helmet on his head, faced squarely toward First, and glared at him with his hands on his hips. His entire body language communicated that he was in no mood for nonsense, but he didn't say a word. He just waited. Finally, the crew saw him relax and sit down. He said something to Spock in sign language, which Spock evidently understood. They left Kirk to talk to First. Spock helped them sort out whose arms were whose. They all reconnected with their respective partners, and Spock connected with both Fourteen and Sixty-five. Then they waited for Kirk.

*I thought we were friends. Why didn't you want to talk to me?*

*I have been cut off. If you bond with me, they will reject you, too.*

*I'll risk it. We're here to save Third's life, and I want you to help us.*

*I don't think he can be saved. You have no idea what it's like to be so alone, and he has been alone for so long!*

*You don't sound like you have the faith I left you with yesterday. Have you talked to Jesus today?*

*No. Yesterday, I did not know what this was like. I've been trying for hours to talk to Third and he won't talk to me. I did this to him; I hated him because he betrayed me. And I tried to make you do the same.*

*Do I hate you?*

*No, but I don't understand why not.*

*Does Spock hate you?*

*I do not know. I have not bonded with him.*

*"Spock! Come here. I want First to talk to you." I have five of your arms. I really only need one. Will you take four of them and bond with Spock?*

*How do you know only one is needed?*

*Because that's all you need to bond with each other.*

*But you have no telepathic abilities.*

*Try it anyway. I'd like to know if it works.* So he did.

*What do you wish to ask me?* inquired Spock.

*Do you hate First, and if not, why not?* Kirk replied.

At the same time, First responded, *The Captain wishes me to ask if you hate me.*

*No, I do not. Why should I?*

It was clear that Kirk could hear but not be heard. Well, that answered that question. Kirk wondered if it could be done with two connections, rather than four. Meanwhile, he was content to listen.

Spock was talking. *...not hold you responsible. Your problem is that you hold yourself responsible, not only for what you did to us, but for what you have done to Third. I, too, held myself responsible for what I had done to Jim. But he would not let me go until I saw where help was to be found. Then he let me choose. He will do the same for you, but you will have to choose life or death. If you cannot forgive yourself and release your bitterness, you will die.*

*I will die anyway!*

*We all will die sometime, but to die because you refuse to live is a serious sin indeed. I understood the Captain had introduced you to Jesus. Am I mistaken?*

*No. I'm just a slow learner.*

*Perhaps you wish to speak with Jesus before resuming your conversation with the Captain?*

*Yes, I think so. Thank you for your help.*

*I am glad to be of service.*

First disconnected with Spock, who returned to Fourteen and Sixty-five. After a brief pause, First connected one arm back to Kirk.

*Does this reestablish the link?*

*Yes. With only one arm connected, I can hear, but you can't hear me. But two arms seems to work just fine. So, have you talked to Jesus? Are you ready to choose life?*

*Yes, I am. You said you needed my help. What do you want me to do?*

*If Third is as far gone as I think he is, Spock will have to dive deep to get him back. That means he needs a lifeline. I want you to be that lifeline. You have fourteen arms - there are seven of us - that's two for each one. If you will link us all together, with Spock as point man, we can pull Third out of the pit. But it's going to take all fifteen of us, and your part in it is absolutely essential.*

*Do the delegation know what you plan to do?*

*No, but they've given permission for us to attempt to revive Third.*

*What you are asking has never been done before.* He paused. *I'm beginning to understand why your people will follow you anywhere. You simply refuse to accept the idea that something can't be done.* Still Kirk said nothing. *I would have to know that the delegation give permission for my participation, since I remain cut off.*

*I'll go ask them. Don't go away.*

They disconnected and Kirk went to join Spock, where he asked for two links with each of them, so that Spock would also remain linked.

*I need to ask the delegation's permission for First's involvement in this rescue mission.* He explained briefly what he had in mind.

Fourteen asked, *Your people have all agreed to this?*

*They don't know the details, but yes, this is what we came here to do. And nobody will be surprised. They've all seen Spock do this kind of thing before.*

*And you, Spock, have you agreed to do this?*

*We have not discussed it, but we do not need to. The Captain knows I would make the attempt even without a lifeline.*

*I doubt that First will agree to do this. He is not a risk-taker. But we will vote.*

Sixty-five reported. *All are agreed. You have our permission.*

*Good. One other question: Do you all agree to participate in this rescue, if First agrees to do this?*

After a pause, *Yes, we do.*

*Thank you. I'll go back to First then. Spock, check with Dr McCoy. See if he has any suggestions.*

*Yes, Captain.*

Kirk resumed his conversation with First. *Okay. We have permission for you to participate, and their agreement to also participate. Although, Fourteen doesn't think you will do this. He says you're not a risk-taker.*

First chuckled. *I wasn't, until I met you. You not only like to take risks, you challenge everybody around you. You make it seem normal. Yet, I don't so much feel pushed into it, as encouraged to jump in. But I'm rambling. Let's get on with it. Here comes Spock.*

Spock sat down, placed two links on his head and waited for First to plug in.

*Captain, the doctor has two suggestions. He says Third's body temperature is way too low. He wonders if First could wrap him up in his arms, thus warming Third with his own body heat. Then, if that warms him sufficiently to allow us to uncoil his arms, perhaps massage would also help. His second point is that the emotional attitude of First is critical. I concur with the doctor's opinion. I would add that we should try this first, and if we are successful in unwinding him, we should have each arm prepared to link with us, in the event I am able to draw him out.*

*Good idea. First, can you tell us what your attitude is toward Third at this point?*

*I'm not sure I understand the question.*

*You said earlier that you hated him for betraying you. Is there any hatred left in your soul now?*

*No. The Lord has washed it away.*

*How much do you love him? Is your love for him deep, strong, and unchanging?*

Spock explained. *When I was in a similar place, it was the expression of love that was stronger than my self-hate, that drew me out of the pit. I believe I can reach Third. I do not know that I can convince him to come out, if you are not here for him.*

*In all honesty, I don't think I love him the way you're talking about. I am too selfish.*

*We need to pray then, because there's only one source for that kind of love.* Kirk prayed for First.

*We also need to be prepared for 'throwings across the room,'* Spock added.

*Understood.*

*I don't,* First objected. *What are you talking about?*

*Third may very well violently reject your love in an attempt to test its reality. If that happens, do not back off and leave him be. Press through until he can receive your love.*

*Okay, but what is the reference to throwing across a room?*

*You brought it up; you tell him.*

*The Captain is embarrassed, although whether for me or himself, I'm not sure. In the course of our recent encounter, I became violent and threw him across the room, not once, but repeatedly. Every time, he came back and let me do it again.*

*He's making it sound worse than it was. We have trained together in hand-to-hand combat for years. The walls were padded. He wasn't hurting me. We could have kept it up all night, but he got bored and changed tactics. The point is, we don't know what Third will do. But whatever he does, stay with him. Don't give up. Any questions?*

*I don't think so, but I don't mind telling you, I'm way out of my depth here. I'm relying on the two of you and your God.*

*We're relying on Him, too. Okay, let's commence Phase I. Is there anything you need us to do?*

*I don't think so. How long do you want me to hold him?*

*About ten minutes, I think. Then we'll see if we can pry loose his coils.*

*Okay. Disconnecting now.*

Kirk went to each of the crew and explained briefly what they were doing, what he needed them to do, and what might happen. He asked the delegation to strengthen their circle by using two arms each to link with each other. Then, he began praying in earnest for what they were trying to accomplish, and for all those involved. Shortly thereafter, he noticed First begin to unwind. Kirk began loosening and massaging Third's arms, with First helping to uncoil them. It was surprisingly easy, and within a short time, they had loosened all of Third's arms. Kirk continued to pray, and began sending the peace of the Lord to Third, much as he had done to Spock. There was no resistance in the arms, but no sign of life either. The core held a dim light, gray in color.

First helped him extend the arms to each crew member. They were close enough to wind Third's arms around their waists and still have plenty left. First was linking to each one as they went. When Kirk got around back to where his own place was, he discovered Spock had taken up a position nearby, and had wrapped two of Third's arms around himself in such a way as to leave the open ends draped across the back of his neck, leaving both hands free. First had just linked with Spock. Kirk took one more look, saw that all were in place, and donned the helmet of Fourteen and Sixty-five. First linked immediately thereafter. Kirk was distracted from what First was saying by the fact that he was aware of the presence not only of Fourteen, Sixty-five, and First, but also of Spock and all the rest of his crew, as well as what he assumed were the rest of the delegation.

*I may no longer be First, but I am still First Brother, son of First Brother, son of First Brother. I have the power, in time of great need, to overrule all our customary barriers. I believe there is no greater time of need than this. Since we are all in this together, I must know from each of you the answer to this question: Do you truly wish to be here? Because, if there is any weak link, we may all die. Please answer yes or no: Spock? Yes. Captain? Yes. Dr. McCoy? Yes. Mr. Scott? Yes. Mr. Sulu? Yes. Ms. Uhura? Yes. Mr. Chekov? Yes. Fourteen? Yes. Seventy-two? Yes. Sixty-five? Yes. Forty-six? Yes. Twenty-nine? Yes. Eighty-three? Yes. and Fifty-one? Yes. I also say Yes. Spock, we are ready when you are.*

Kirk saw Spock place his hands on Third, and felt him begin to probe, seeking the core of who Third was. Spock moved slowly, calmly going deeper and deeper. Kirk continued praying and gradually realized that others were praying with him: Fourteen, Sixty-five, First, Scotty, and Bones. The rest were merely listening, waiting in tense silence. Spock ignored them all, yet Kirk was sure he was aware of their presence. Finally, Spock approached the place where Third was and stopped.

*I am Spock, one of those from your vision.*

Third answered, *You are who? No! You are many! Too many! You have all come to attack me!*

Seeming to realize suddenly that his arms were being held, he jerked violently to free himself. Kirk and his crew were flung onto their backs, but no one let go. Kirk was afraid Fourteen and Sixty-five would lose contact, but they managed to stay with him as he was violently jerked in all directions.

Third screamed, *Let me go! First, why can't you let me die in peace!*

Third plunged himself into a deep well, and the violence suddenly stopped. Kirk sat up and noticed that Spock had remained motionless throughout the violence.

*First, release me please.* Spock's voice was a command.

*Spock, no!* Kirk knew what Spock was going to do.

*Jim, I must. He is frightened.*

*How will you get back?*

*I don't know. I only know I must go.*

*God go with you!* It was both a prayer and a goodbye, because Spock might not get back. But that was the nature of risk-taking. There was no guarantee of success. And Spock was as much a risk-taker as Kirk was. Although, he usually had a logical reason for the necessity.

First released Spock, and without any hesitation, Spock dived after Third. As he came close, he braked to a stop some distance away.

*I am alone now.*

*Why are you here?*

*I wish to talk with you.*

*Who did you say you were?*

*I am Spock, from your vision.*

*Are you real?*

*Yes, you saw me in your vision. I and my shipmates are all quite real.*

*Which one are you?*

*I am the one who attacked my Captain.*

*Then, you have come to attack me also?*

*No, do not fear. I will not harm you.*

*How do I know that?*

*Think about the rest of the vision. At the end of it, was I someone you need to fear?*

*Your Captain didn't fear you.*

*That is correct; he does not. Were he here, he would assure you, there is no need to fear either of us.*

*Are you telling me the vision is true? These things have actually happened?*

*Yes, they have. We believe God sent you the vision to draw you to us, so that He could show Himself to your people.*

*Why couldn't He just show us Himself? Why did He have to use you?*

*Would your people have believed?*

*No. They did not believe the vision.*

*But you did, and were willing to die for it. God has seen your faith and wishes to reward you.*

*What reward is any good to the dying?*

*Life. I have come to offer you life, but you must choose whether to accept it.*

*And if I do not?*

*Then you will die, and very shortly.*

*And you?*

*Very possibly I would die also, since I am linked to you.*

*Then, you better get out of here while you can.*

*I am not leaving until you answer my question: Do you wish to live?*

*If I say 'yes', how do you propose to accomplish it?*

*I will ask God to get us out of here.*

*Do you mean that you came down here to get me without having any way out?*

*Affirmative.*

*Why would you do such a thing?*

*A short time ago, I also had to choose between life and death. I chose life, and now I serve the God who gave me life. I came because He asked me to. My life belongs to Him, to do with as He thinks best. Will you choose life?*

*I do not know whether I wish to live, but I do not want you to die because of me.*

*You do not have much time left to consider.*

*Okay. I do not want to see First or any of my people, but if you can get us out of here, go ahead.*

*Please take my hand. Lord, Third is not sure he wishes to live, but he has agreed to come with me. Will you get us out of here?*

Spock turned and began swimming upward, taking Third with him. It was slow going, because while Third was not resisting, he wasn't helping either. Spock continued to pray for strength, and kept going. About half way, he stopped to wrap several of Third's arms around himself to more firmly attach him, and give more freedom for himself to swim. These were all mental images, of course, but real nonetheless. As they began to approach the surface, Spock felt Third resisting him. The closer they got, the more resistance he felt. Finally, almost within reach, he stopped. His strength was almost entirely spent.

*You are resisting me. If I let go of you now, you will fall to the bottom and die. I might or might not make it to the surface before you hit bottom. If I do not let go of you, but continue fighting to reach the surface, I might eventually succeed, or I might run out of energy and plunge us both to the bottom. However, I do not wish to take you where you do not wish to go. Why do you wish to die?*

*It's not that I wish to die, but I am afraid of living any longer. It has taken me a long time to die. I do not know if I can endure any more loneliness, hatred, and rejection.*

*I do not reject you. Third, you were willing to die for the vision. Are you willing to live for the vision? I and my shipmates are here because of you. We have met your people and begun interacting with them. We very much want to interact with you, too. My shipmates have risked a great deal in the hopes of saving your life. If you choose death now, the vision will have failed, at least in part. Because the vision is about choosing life.*

*I never did understand what the vision means. I only knew it was more important than anything else in my life. I still don't understand the vision, but I understand something of what you have risked for me. You say your shipmates have also taken such risks for me. I do not understand this, but I recognize a debt when I see it. I will choose life, because of what you and your shipmates have risked. But I have no strength to endure the rejection.*

*Praise God! He has all the strength you need. I have no more strength left to get us to the surface. Lord, we need You to intervene. Show Yourself strong, so that Third may believe You are God.*


	20. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Kirk had been watching Spock intently and continuing to pray fervently. Suddenly, he knew Spock was in trouble. There was no outward change, but he was as sure as if he had audibly heard him call for help.

*Spock's in trouble! Fourteen, Sixty-five, release me, quickly!* They did. *First, I don't know if you should stay connected. Third seemed most afraid of you. Yet we may need you to rescue Spock. Let's ask the Lord.* They each prayed for direction. *I think I'm supposed to do this alone.* First concurred and disconnected. Kirk reached Spock in two strides, grasped Spock's upper arms, careful not to disconnect him from Third, and whispered urgently.

"Spock! What can I do?"

"Jim! We need strength!"

"Shall I get First?"

"No! Get my left hand."

Kirk dropped to his knees, placed his head against Third next to Spock's left hand, and carefully turned Spock's hand to connect with his own face. Immediately, he was in the water, next to Spock and Third. Spock was just barely keeping them from sinking. Kirk needed no explanations. He quickly wrapped several of Third's arms around his torso, as Spock had done, and began swimming upward. He guessed rightly that if he could keep Third moving upward, then Spock would be able to come along. He looked up and estimated the surface was about thirty feet up. He didn't stop to wonder why he could breathe, or worry about getting the bends from changing depth too fast. He just swam.

Progress was slow, but steady. Distance was deceiving. This was taking too long for the apparent distance. No matter, the only important thing was getting to the surface. He concentrated all his energies on the task. Now they were visibly closer. He found reserves he didn't know he had, and realized this was costing him every last ounce of strength. But there was no hesitation, only determination. Finally, he had used up all his energy, and they were still not there yet. He cried out to the Lord, and suddenly felt new strength surging within himself. The swimming became easy. He looked over and saw Spock swimming vigorously again. Even Third seemed to be helping a little. Suddenly, they broke the surface, and there was a look of great joy on Spock's face that he suspected was mirrored on his own.

*Now what?*

*Help me get Third onto dry land.*

Kirk looked around and saw a stone dock a short distance off. They swam toward it. With Kirk pulling and Spock pushing, they managed to roll Third up onto the dock. But they were all shivering with cold and exhaustion.

*Lord, we need some heat.*

Immediately, there was warm sunshine, which dried them almost instantaneously. Kirk saw two steaming mugs of liquid and some substance that Third ingested too fast for Kirk to see quite how he did it. He handed one of the mugs to Spock and they drank in silence, just resting. The liquid was like nothing he had had before, and he felt it restoring the energy he had consumed. He also noticed that Third now had a bit of color, pale to be sure, but definitely no longer gray.

*Apparently, whatever you just ate was as good for you as this drink is for me. Thank you, Lord.*

*Who are you?*

*James Kirk, Captain, _USS Enterprise_.*

*You are his Captain?*

*Yes. Spock is First Officer.*

*You just saved his life, and mine.*

Kirk chuckled. *It's a habit we have; but no, I helped, but the Lord saved all of us. I couldn't do it; I tried.*

*I know; I felt you giving absolutely everything, with no reservation. Why?*

*Because Spock is worth it; because you are worth it; because that's what the situation called for; because the Lord asked me to; because I know no other way to tackle a problem. But tell me: Are you still afraid of us?*

*I have no more strength to endure rejection.*

*I do not reject you, but you are afraid your people will still reject you. Would it help you to know that they gave their permission for us to make this rescue attempt? Also, that every one of them was willing to risk his life in helping to make this attempt successful? When we first contacted you, we had everybody hooked into a lifeline for Spock. First was the key, linking everybody together.*

*That's why you were all there! First removed the barriers! He did that for me?!*

*Yes, and they are all anxiously waiting to see if we are successful. Since we both disconnected with First, they don't know what's going on.*

Spock asked, *Do we need to keep them waiting any longer?*

*No! I am really ready now to choose life.*

*Good. Can you start by linking up the two arms on the back of my neck? Is that link working well? Now the two that Captain Kirk has.*

Kirk found himself sitting on the floor with his back to Third, when he felt Third connect. He had a vague memory that this was supposed to be painful, but he couldn't remember why.

*Who would you like to talk to next?*

*First, definitely!*

*You can do that one of two ways. The rest of your arms are in the laps of our five shipmates. Each of them is connected to First, and to one of the delegation. Or, if you wish a direct connection, take one of the arms connected to me. I don't need it.*

Kirk saw Third remove one arm from Spock and wave it in the air. First descended to connect swiftly. Almost immediately thereafter, First reconnected to Kirk and Spock. Kirk heard such a joyful racket of yelling, he couldn't sort out any one voice. Underneath it all he heard Spock, who was still connected to his face.

*Better get back to Fourteen and Sixty-five. They're missing all this. I'll stay here for awhile, just in case.* Spock withdrew from the meld.

Kirk crawled back to Fourteen and Sixty-five, connected with them and tried to apologize and explain over the noise, but it was hopeless. They gave up trying to talk and joined the noisemakers. And there was much rejoicing.

First finally restored order by threatening to replace the barriers, if everybody didn't be quiet. More or less instantaneous silence.

*I am very glad to hear you all rejoicing with me at the restoration of our Third Brother. However, since communication is impossible with everyone talking at once, I will restore normal communication methods shortly. Before I do that, one or two things need to be said publicly, if you will permit me.* There was a murmur of assent. *I wish to publicly apologize to Third for my disbelief, my hatred, and my treatment of him during this time. Third, I am truly sorry for what I have done to you. I have just recently learned about forgiveness. I do not deserve your forgiveness, but I do desire it, if you ever come to the place of being able to forgive me. I want you to know, that I am willing to bond with you anytime you wish it, for as long as I live.*

*I do not know this word 'forgiveness', but I do wish to bond with you, and I accept your apology.*

*Thank you. Captain, do you have any words for the group?*

*Yes. I want to thank each and every one of you for your participation today, and the personal risks you were willing to take. I am proud to have had this opportunity to work with you. I want you to know that the Lord God engineered the encounter we have had today, and He made it possible. He also completed the rescue of Third. Spock and I could not have brought it to a successful conclusion. However, lest you think your part in this was not vital, let me tell you that it was your presence here that helped to convince Third to choose life. Finally, a word to the delegation, who have yet to decide whether to reverse their ruling. My personal opinion is that your people need the wisdom and leadership of both First and Third, but should you decide to the contrary, I would like to have either or both of them aboard the _Enterprise_ as ambassadors to the Federation from your people.*

This idea created such a stir that First was forced to shut down communications, which he did simply by disconnecting from everyone except Third, Spock, and Kirk. This immediately reduced the group from sixteen to six, since Kirk was still connected to Fourteen and Sixty-five. None of them spoke for a moment, and the silence was startling.

Fourteen broke it. *I assume that was a serious suggestion, and not just a ploy to get us to appreciate what we have?*

Kirk chuckled. *I admit, it was both. I would really like to have one or more of your people as ambassadors, but I would not suggest such a thing for anyone whose life was not already forfeit, since without God's intervention, they would not survive it.*

*What would the purpose of this ambassador be?*

*An exchange of cultural ideas is always beneficial. It keeps us from being too sure that ours is the only right way to do things. And yes, my superiors would appreciate the assurance that your people are not mounting an attack against us from another galaxy.* He smiled. *But I'd guess they'll take my word for it.*

*Captain, you have given us much to ponder, and you continue to challenge us that ours is not the only right way of doing things.*

*My people need a rest period, and you need time to meet with the delegation. When would you like us to return?*

*Would 1200 hours tomorrow be suitable?*

*That would be fine.*

*Captain, I do not require rest at this time. If I may request permission to stay, I would welcome the opportunity for a longer discussion with First and Third.*

*Permission granted. I can handle the briefing without you.*

*What time?*

*0900.*

*I shall attend. That is more than fifteen hours from now.*

*Fine. Now First, can you tell us how to get out of here?*

*The only way out of here is through the hole you came in by. That section of floor acts as an elevator, but it cannot be operated from down here. This is a prison cell.*

*You came down here without any way out?*

*I did not plan to get out.*

*Could Fourteen get to the controls?*

*Possibly, although not without disconnecting. However, he would be unable to operate them, even if he got there. You see, I was somewhat suicidal last night. I locked all the controls, so nothing would work.*

Fourteen was alarmed. *_Nothing_ will work? You mean ship's operations as well?*

*Yes, I'm afraid so.*

*Is this a computer-based lock?* asked Kirk. *Or a mechanical device of some kind?*

*It's both, and I threw away the code. I can't tell you how to undo it.*

*Spock?*

*If you will permit the probe, I may be able to recover your memories sufficiently to learn what we need to know.*

*Certainly, but will you know what to do with the information if you get it?*

*Given sufficient time, Spock could figure it out on his own. But this will be faster.*

*Captain, this may take some time. May I suggest you pursue other alternatives? I will still have to get up there where the controls are.*

First disconnected from Kirk, but retained his connection with Third. However, Kirk could not hear Spock and First any longer, because Third was not a carrier, like First was.

*Third, how much strength is in your arms? Or would be if you had recovered your strength? Could First lift any of us out of here?*

*I doubt if I could lift any of you. First probably can, assuming he would.*

*Well, I'll keep that as a possibility then. But if we can get a rope from the _Enterprise_, we won't have to depend on that.* He didn't voice the concern, but First's reliability was currently somewhat questionable. *Fourteen, is there any way you could get us one of the communications devices we left outside your room?*

*Yes, I think so, if it doesn't matter which one. I doubt that I could tell them apart.*

*Any of them would do. However, I don't know how well they would survive being dropped twenty feet.*

*That wasn't what I had in mind. I'll be back shortly.*

He disconnected one of his arms and withdrew it through a small opening in the wall. A few minutes later, he returned with one of their communicators cupped in the end of his arm. He dropped it into Kirk's hand and reconnected.

*Thank you very much. "Kirk to _Enterprise_."*

_ "_Enterprise_ here, Captain. Is everything all right? We've been unable to reach you."_

*"Yes, we're fine. A small difficulty at present, however. I don't suppose you can get a fix on us?"*

_ "I'll check with the Transporter Room. Please hold. _(pause)_ I'm afraid not. There's still too much interference."_

*"How about a room about twenty feet above us?"*

_ "One moment. _(pause)_ If you were up there, and the other life-forms retained their present position, we might be able to beam you over. I'm sorry, sir. That's the best they could promise."_

*"Understood. Could you beam in equipment to those coordinates?"*

_ "I'll ask. _(pause)_ Yes, sir. What do you need?"_

*"A climbing rope from the gym, about thirty feet long, attached to a weighted magnet that can handle two hundred pounds. And there's a large hole in the floor to be avoided."*

_ "I have the picture. Anything else, Captain?"_

_ *_"Let me know when it arrives."*

_ "Yes, sir. _Enterprise_ out."_

*May I ask how you plan to get to this rope when it arrives?* inquired Fourteen.

*Gymnastics. Or I'll beg First for a ride. And don't worry, between them, Spock and Scotty can unlock anything. We won't leave until the job is done. Third, feel free to stay. I'll let you know if you're in the way.*

Kirk gathered his crew and told them the situation and what he had in mind.

"This tower will have to be four high. We can try it with just four of you. If that doesn't work, we'll use a pyramid. Weight isn't the issue. The problem will be balance. Any volunteers?"

"I'll anchor the bottom," offered Scotty.

Sulu had some advice. "I did some of this in school, Captain. The first two layers are easy; we might manage a third; but four high, I doubt it. The problem is getting up there, not balancing, once you're there. To do a four high pyramid, you need ten people, and we only have seven. But we have nothing to lose by trying."

"Okay, Sulu, you're in charge. Bones and I will watch this first round."

They tried it several times with different placement of people. Nothing worked. Twice they managed a third layer, never the fourth. Kirk received word that the rope had been delivered, but he wasn't ready to give up on the pyramid yet. Then Spock arrived in the middle of the fourth try. Sulu saw him and aborted that attempt. Kirk glanced at Spock, who nodded briefly; question and answer, with no words required.

Everyone gathered around Sulu, who gave instructions concisely. It became clear to Kirk that he couldn't keep contact with Third when Sulu mentioned that Spock would be stepping on his head on the way up. He apologized to Third, who didn't appear to have any problem with it. Kirk was pleased to observe how well Sulu employed his people to best advantage, maximizing strength and minimizing weakness, while making each one aware of their necessary role in achieving success. He made a mental note to include this in his commendation report. Sulu had one final instruction for Spock.

"If you feel it start to go, and I'm within reach, just throw me in the right direction. Questions, anybody?"

There were none, so they took their places. Kirk stood between Scotty and Bones, who clasped arms at his back. Spock and Sulu assisted Uhura and Chekov in climbing onto their shoulders. Uhura's left foot was on his right shoulder, and Chekov's right foot on his left shoulder. He held their ankles with his hands. Then he felt Spock climbing - a hand, then a foot, on his head, and he was past him. He felt Chekov and Uhura sway, then stabilize as Spock reached the top.

Sulu went up the side. Kirk saw him out of the corner of his eye, and felt Chekov overcompensate as Sulu was climbing over him. Uhura felt it, too, and tried to fix it. This alarmed Dr. McCoy, who zigged when she zagged, and Kirk felt the whole thing tumble down. Spock and Sulu hit the floor side by side. There had not been time for Spock to throw Sulu at the hole in the ceiling. As they regrouped, Sulu addressed the Captain.

"We can try that again, or there's one other thing we might try."

"It's your call. Tell us what to do."

Sulu turned to Spock. "Is there any chance you could throw me from here?"

"Possibly, although the opening is too narrow to guarantee sufficient accuracy."

"We're not looking for guarantees. Just a high enough probability to warrant the risk. How close would you have to be? Could you do it, if you were standing on the Captain's shoulders?"

"I would prefer not to have to try. We are not in a padded cell."

McCoy snorted and Kirk smiled at Spock's dry humor. Everybody else realized it was an inside joke, whose punch line they didn't entirely understand, but they were used to it.

Scotty suggested, "What about a single tower like what we tried before, but with Spock and the Captain in the middle?"

"The problem is getting up there without toppling the tower," Sulu replied. "I'm just not that good."

Sulu looked at the Captain, and tried to figure out what the Captain wanted him to do. But Kirk wasn't giving him any clues. In reality, Kirk was debating whether to abandon this project and ask First for a ride. Not knowing that, Sulu was left to make his own decision. So, he quit trying to second guess and went with his instinct.

"Okay. We'll try it one more time with everybody. Just exactly like the first time. Pavel, your position is key. When I'm going past you, don't try to help, don't move at all if possible."

"I'll try, sir."

Sulu smiled. "You don't have to 'sir' me, and I know you're doing your best. Okay, places everybody."

They tried it again, and it worked. Their combined height still didn't reach quite far enough, so Spock did have to throw Sulu the last several feet. That action toppled the pyramid, but Sulu was up by then, so it didn't matter. Shortly thereafter, Spock and Scotty had both climbed the rope (Spock with ease, Scotty with difficulty), and were working on unlocking the controls. Sulu fetched the rest of the communicators, and jumped back down into their room. (It's faster than the rope, he said.) Kirk gave them a few more minutes, then pulled out his communicator.

"Kirk to Spock."

Scotty answered. "_Spock says ta tell ye, it'll be several hours._"

"Thank you, Scotty. That's what I needed. Kirk out." He addressed the rest of his people. "Okay. It looks like several hours. Anybody that wants to go up the rope can probably get beamed out of here from First's room. Otherwise, feel free to wait here."

Uhura wanted to stay. "I'd like to spend some more time with Twenty-nine, and maybe meet some of the others."

"I have no idea whether the Lord will enable you to do that. But I know that wouldn't stop you from trying, so go ahead. Let me know how it goes."

The others all expressed a desire to stay. Kirk wasn't surprised. He went to report to Fourteen and Sixty-five. Contact was pain-free.

*Spock says it will be several hours. Meanwhile, my people would like to get better acquainted with yours. Can you put off your meeting for awhile? It appears we still have pain-free contact. It seems a shame to waste the opportunity.*

*Of course, Captain,* Fourteen replied. *We intended to wait until the controls are unlocked anyway. You could do me a favor, however. First's action surprised me. Could you talk to him and get back to me? I'm not sure of his emotional condition.*

*Certainly. I'd be glad to.*

*Captain,* interrupted Sixty-five, *before you go, I have a confession to make. It's been bothering me for hours. You see, I'm the historian - the data keeper; and this morning, when you were ... that is, when you told us to ... I mean, you gave us permission, but ... I'm not saying this very well.*

Kirk smiled. *Take a deep breath and just blurt it out. I promise you, I won't be shocked.*

*Okay. When you were unconscious this morning, I didn't just take what you knew about God; I made a tape of everything. Every memory, every fact, everything that makes you who you are. I see now that it was wrong of me to do that. I am sorry.*

*I forgive you. In fact, I forgave you before you did it. Because you did exactly what I expected you to do. This morning we were adversaries. Now we are friends. Jesus forgave us while we were still His enemies. He tells us to forgive our enemies. We can do that because our trust is in the Lord. If He didn't want you to have that tape, He could easily have prevented you from getting it. You have similar tapes on Spock and Dr. McCoy?*

*Yes, we do. I owe them apologies, too.*

*May I ask what you plan to do with these tapes?*

*I had thought of destroying them, because of the manner in which they were obtained, but I am reluctant to destroy such historical data.*

*What use would be made of these tapes were you to keep them?*

*Study and analysis, of course. History books, songs, legends, I don't know. But unless I am much mistaken, this encounter with you will change the history of my people, and any data on you, who have caused the change, will be very valuable indeed.*

*While I don't relish the idea of being a legend in your galaxy any more than I like it in mine, I will let you keep the tapes under certain conditions: First, you have to get permission from Dr. McCoy and Spock. I cannot speak for them, only myself. Secondly, you must promise me that you, yourself, will always treat me like a person, not a legend. The third condition is more complicated. My mind contains certain information that is what we call military secrets. The Federation would be very unhappy if it were to get into the hands of enemies. I do not wish to have to report to my superiors that I let that information out of my control. So, if you will permit Spock to review the tape and delete that information, you can keep the rest of it.*

Fourteen was shocked. *You want Spock to review your tape? You amaze me, Captain.*

*Why? He can do it ten times faster than I could, and he knows what to look for. The same information is on his tape, unless he was able to block you from getting it.*

*I am amazed that you are so free with yourself. No one in our society would willingly permit the existence of such a tape, much less give it away. The technology was developed to study criminals and foreigners. There is such a tape on Third, for example. I can just barely comprehend that you think it's okay for us to have this tape, since we are relative strangers and you may never see us again. But that you want your close associate to read your entire tape is completely beyond me.*

Kirk nearly lost it. *Do you mean to tell me that you still don't believe that I trust Spock?! What more could we do to convince you!?*

*It's not that I don't believe you. It's that your actions and thinking continue to prove to me that we don't even know what the word 'trust' means.*

*I'm sorry. I'm beginning to understand that just because you communicate telepathically, doesn't mean you do it the way Spock and I do. Let me explain something. Spock has a very powerful mind, much more powerful than mine. When we join minds, I have no ability to hide or block anything from his access. Over the years, we have joined minds on numerous occasions. He never likes doing it. He does it because it's necessary. As a result of these mindmelds, he already knows everything that's on your tape. He will take no pleasure in reading that tape, but he will do it because I ask him to, and because it needs doing. Does that help you to understand us?*

*Yes, thank you. But I will probably never understand how you tolerate that level of openness.*

Kirk smiled. *I not only tolerate it, I wouldn't have it any other way! Sixty-five, can you tell me where these tapes are? And are there multiple copies?*

*The original hard copies are in my room. The computer contains copies.*

*Are these copies accessible from First's room, or only your own computer?*

*If you knew how, they could be read from First's computer.*

*Can you bring me the originals, or shall I send someone after them?*

*I will bring them.* He disconnected, returning shortly with three pocket-size tape cartridges.

*Thank you. I'll see that you get them back as soon as possible. And Fourteen, I'll let you know what I learn from First.*


	21. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"Kirk to Spock."

"_Yes, Captain."_

"I have another project for you. I'm sending Chekov up with three data tapes: yours, mine and McCoy's. When you get the computer working, please review and delete the classified. They can have the rest of it. What you do with yours is up to you. Bones doesn't even know they exist yet."

McCoy approached to hear the last few words. "Doesn't know what exists?"

"A data tape of your entire life. You can have it back, destroy it, or let them keep it. Your choice."

"What do they want that for?! I sure don't want it."

"Sixty-five's a historian. He thinks we're a legend. He wants to write a book or two."

"You two are the legend, not me. On the other hand, maybe we have a medical secret they don't know. Sure, let 'em have it. I don't mind."

"Okay. Spock, there are multiple copies already in the computer."

"Understood. Spock out."

"You didn't even ask him how much longer."

"If he knew, he would have told me."

"Well, since it's obviously going to be awhile, the doctor is prescribing food and water for everybody. We've been here all day without a break. The rest of them got some sleep last night, but you and Spock didn't."

"I got four hours."

"That's supposed to be sufficient?! Considering the previous forty-eight hours? This has not exactly been what I'd call a stress-free vacation!"

"Are you trying to tell me to go home to bed?"

"No, because I know you won't. It's just ... Jim, I don't know how else to tell you I care."

"It's okay, Bones. I understand. The Lord sustains us."

"Which reminds me. I got the story on that rescue from Third. If I understand it correctly, you should both be flat out exhausted, and you're not."

"You got the picture right, okay, but you're missing an important ingredient. Yes, it took everything we had, and even that wasn't enough. The Lord supplied the difference. But what Third probably didn't tell you is that the Lord also renewed our strength with a hot drink that tasted like nothing I've ever had before. I can't tell you what was in it, and you won't find it in my bloodstream, but it worked. Does your med-scanner tell you I'm exhausted?"

"No, it doesn't, but what does it know? It's only a machine!"

Kirk laughed. "Don't fight it, Bones. Some things are simply beyond medical science."

Kirk sat down to talk with First.

*How are you holding up?*

*Well enough, I suppose. I keep thinking about Spock trying to figure out how to use my computer. It wasn't built for humans, you know.*

*Spock can do it if anybody can.*

*I can hardly fathom what insanity made me do what I did. To contemplate suicide makes a kind of sense to me, but to condemn all the rest of them too is not logical. It's not their fault that I am to die; they are only following instructions.*

*I learned a long time ago that matters of the heart are rarely logical. But what happened? Yesterday, you were so full of faith, and today, it had evaporated. Can you tell me about it?*

*I just went crazy. You can have no idea what it means for us to be so alone.*

*I don't, but I'd like to. You can show me if you will.*

*You want me to ... You want to feel what I ... Why?*

*I want to understand. Jesus wants to take your pain. It seems apparent that you can't give it to Him, or you would have. Can you give it to me instead?*

There was a long pause. Then suddenly, Kirk _was_ First. He felt each of them - Fourteen, Sixty-five, Seventy-two, and all the rest - withdraw from him one by one, until he was all alone. He was absolutely terrified. He was suffocating, he was drowning, he was falling, falling, falling. The part of him that was still Kirk recognized this pit as the same one they had hauled Third out of. He kept thinking that eventually he would hit bottom, and then he would be able to breathe. But there was no bottom; he just kept falling, and the terror became more and more overwhelming. The Kirk part of him wondered how this terror could result in any behavior, rational or otherwise.

But then, things changed. He felt welling up within him a fierce rage. Kirk recognized the rage as First's attempt to battle the terror. The rage built and built until it exploded and crushed the terror out of existence. Then the rage became a cold and calculating anger. Kirk watched as First reprogrammed the computer, engineered a complex fail-safe device, monitored the inner room, talked to Kirk and Spock and transported them to the hallway. Then he retreated to Third's room. The anger disappeared, replaced by a deep, dark despair. Occasionally, he tried to talk to Third, but he knew it was hopeless. Finally, he saw Kirk and his crew arrive.

Back in his own body, Kirk asked, *How are you feeling now?*

*Mostly guilty for what I've done. Some despair, for I'm certain they will not reverse their decision. The terror is kept at bay as long as Third is here. Please make sure that you and your crew leave before he does. Then, there will be nothing to vent my rage on, except myself.*

*I understand. But before I leave, I hope to show you a better way to deal with the terror. Meanwhile, thank you for showing me your pain.*

*He told me you would ask.*

*Did you show it to Spock?*

*No, but he warned me you wouldn't take 'no' for an answer.*

Kirk chuckled. *He knows me very well.* He sobered as he saw Spock descending the rope. *Here he comes now, and unless I'm mistaken, he has bad news. Success he would have reported by communicator.*

*"Do you need to talk to me or to First?"*

"Both, if I may." He picked up two arms, and placed them on his head. First plugged in. *We have succeeded in disarming the fail-safe device. However, I am completely unable to operate the computer. My fingers simply cannot do what theirs can do. And for obvious reasons, their computers are not coded for voice commands.*

*So you need a command decision. What are the options?*

*Life support systems seem to be on automatic, so First and his people are in no immediate danger. We could tow them to the nearest Starbase, where perhaps a means could be found to operate this elevator.*

*Scotty can't do it?*

*He made some reference to his track record with alien technology which was illogical, but by which I deduced the answer to be negative.*

*If Scotty can't do it, chances are the Starbase can't either. What's the other option?*

*It involves considerable risk, and were there any other feasible way for them to get home, I would not suggest it. During our previous conversation, First, I gathered that you are the resident computer expert aboard this vessel.*

*Yes, that's correct.*

*No other delegate has sufficient expertise to do what must be done?*

*No. I'm sorry.*

*Then, Captain, the only solution I see is to meld with one of the delegates, so as to use his hands and my expertise to accomplish the task.*

*You mentioned risks.*

*Yes, sir. Were this to be done by you and me, the risk would be minimal. You have considerable experience with this kind of thing, your mind is very receptive, and you are not afraid of me, or of the experience itself.*

*The same cannot be said of the delegates.*

*They have many barriers and many fears. The operation is made more difficult by two other factors. I would need this person to physically come to First's room, and I would need him disconnected with any of the other delegates.*

*Spock! Do you know what you're asking for?*

*Yes, Captain, I believe so.*

*I haven't talked to Third yet, but if his experience was anything like First's, then we can assume they all would react the same way. That's an awful lot of emotional turmoil to control, before you could get anything done. What is the risk of permanent damage?*

*Insufficient data to be certain, but relatively low probability, assuming we can control the terror.*

*And the risks to you, Spock?*

*The usual risks associated with any meld are compounded by the fact that this will be the seventh meld in less than two days. This is a deeper, stronger meld than what these people are used to. It is not a conversation, or even a probe for information. To be successful, I must exert sufficient control to be able to use his body as if it were my own. In a sense, I must become him, and he must lose any sense of self apart from me. I do not know if I can achieve this level of control in addition to controlling his emotions.*

*And if you can't?*

*There is a possibility I would crash and be unable to extricate us from the deep well we would fall into.*

*What about separating yourselves when you are finished?*

*That would become increasingly difficult with an extended time in the meld.*

*How long?*

*A few hours should be safe enough. Of course, I have no way of knowing how long the job will take.*

*Guess.*

*The time factor may become a significant element before we are finished.*

*Back to another issue. Why do you have to have him disconnected? He'll be fighting the fear of losing himself anyway, but the fear of aloneness makes it doubly overwhelming.*

*I am quite certain I cannot control seven minds.*

*What about mine? Could you do it if he was connected to me? Would that make enough difference to alleviate the fear of being alone? And would that difference be sufficient to warrant the added risk of having three minds in the mix instead of just two?*

*Probably. I don't know. And if so, yes.*

*First, do you have an opinion about that?*

*My opinion is that you are both absolutely crazy! What you are calmly sitting here discussing is an utterly appalling idea, and you will never convince any of my people to do such a thing.*

*But if we could? Would being connected to just one person, even if it isn't one of you, make a difference?*

*I'm sure it would help. But whether it would be sufficient, I have no idea.*

*We could find out.*

*Do not ask me to do such a thing.*

*I won't. However, I have another question: Which of your people would be most suitable for what we have in mind? Assuming we could get their cooperation.*

*I'm not sure. Twenty-nine probably has the weakest mind, but he's afraid of everything.*

Spock responded, *We do not necessarily want someone with a weak mind. On the contrary, it takes a very strong will to refuse to fight the takeover of your mind. And a strong personality will have less fear of loss of self, and be more able to conquer it.*

*In that case, you want Fourteen. But I would say he's the least likely to do this.*

*Nevertheless, he has the right to a choice. The alternative is permanent exile.*

Kirk went to talk with Fourteen.

*So, Captain, were you able to talk with First?*

*Yes. I now know why he did what he did, and he needs healing. Right now, however, we have a slightly more pressing problem. As you know, Spock has been working on unlocking the controls. He has succeeded in dismantling the mechanical part of the lock. However, he cannot operate the computer, because it is not adaptable to five-fingered hands. The elevator is apparently completely inoperable, so we cannot get First up there to undo the damage. Also, we cannot simply transport him up there, for the same reason that we cannot operate the computer. We understand there is no one else aboard with sufficient computer expertise to accomplish the task. Mr. Spock has the knowledge, but not the hands. We could tow you to the nearest Starbase, where an alternative solution might be found. Neither Mr. Spock nor Mr. Scott are very hopeful on that score. Mr. Spock has another alternative that requires your assistance. It entails considerable personal risk, but you need to understand that the alternative is very likely permanent exile.*

*Go on.*

*Mr. Spock is proposing a mindmeld with you or one of the other delegates, in which he would take over enough of your mind to operate the computer with your hands.*

*Why couldn't he just tell me what to do?*

*Because the process is too complex, and the probability of errors in translation too great. You do not know what he is looking for, and he cannot tell you until he has found it. And if you are doing the looking instead of himself, he probably won't find it. However, there are two other requirements you need to know. He will need you to physically come to First's room. Your arms are not long enough to do it from your room. A further problem is that you must be disconnected from your people. He must be able to deal with your mind alone, and not all seven of you.*

*This is not an easy thing to contemplate. How long would I have to endure this separation?*

*A matter of hours. Spock does not know how long it will take. You should also know that First's reaction to this separation was an overwhelming terror that he could not control. Assuming this terror would be a common reaction among you, we have discussed a possible means of controlling it. We would like to find out if the presence of my mind alleviates the terror sufficiently to be manageable.*

*If you will wait a moment, we can find out.* He was silent for many minutes. Finally, he spoke. *It does, but just barely. It is taking all my energy to battle the fear; I almost don't have enough left to talk with you.*

*You have disconnected with Sixty-five, and whoever's on the other side?*

*Yes. Sixty-five and Forty-six. With instructions to reconnect in five minutes.*

*You think you can last that long? And why don't I feel your fear?*

*Because it is my fear, not yours. I did not realize how intense it would be. After all, Third survived it for weeks. Five minutes did not seem long.*

*Yes, and he almost died. First battled it with rage. But then, he couldn't control the rage either. If you let me in, I can help you battle the fear.*

*I can't. The barriers are too solidly built.*

*Then I will pray for you. Lord, we've gotten ourselves into a mess and we need Your help. Please take the fear that Fourteen is experiencing and replace it with Your peace.*

Kirk continued to pray until Fourteen interrupted him.

*They're back and the fear is gone. Thank you. Sixty-five wants in on this conversation.*

*He's welcome. There's lots of room on my head. Well, that experiment was nearly a disaster. But it leaves me with a greater concern than your fear. If you cannot let the barriers down enough to let me share your fear, how can you hope to take them all down for Spock?*

Sixty-five arrived and Kirk explained briefly what they were talking about.

*So, I have two concerns: controlling the terror, and knocking down the barriers. Because he will not force his way in. You must open the door.*

*I do not know if I can do such a thing,* Fourteen lamented.

*Would a demonstration help? Are you concerned about loss of identity?*

*Yes, I suppose I am. What kind of demonstration?*

*I could ask Spock to demonstrate on me, while you and Sixty-five listen in. We would need to think of something that Spock knows how to do, but I don't. Then you could observe what Spock has to do to take over my mind, and what I have to do to let him do it; you would have the physical evidence of my hands doing something they don't know how to do; and afterwards, you could see whether I had lost my identity.*

*You do not appear to have any concerns about that, or about your ability to do this.*

*I don't. Spock thinks I can do it, and he said it was safe. I believe him.*

Sixty-five urged, *I think we should let them demonstrate. It certainly would give us a clearer picture of what they're asking us to do.*

*Very well.*

Kirk called Spock over, told him what had happened with Fourteen, and explained what he had in mind about a demonstration. Spock concurred it could be done, provided Fourteen and Sixty-five did not interfere, but merely observed. They promised to do so. They asked around for suggestions on what to demonstrate. Uhura suggested playing Spock's harp. It was well-known among the crew that Kirk did not have a musical bone in his body. Word spread that Spock was going to make Kirk play his harp, and they all gathered around to watch. The harp was sent for. Sulu was admonished to bring it down via the rope, rather than jumping.

Kirk and Spock sat on the floor with the harp nearby. Sixty-five and Fourteen each had two hands on Spock's head and two on Kirk's head. As Spock's hand approached his face, Kirk had a momentary sense of self-consciousness, because everybody was watching, but he rejected the thought as a distraction.

*Welcome, Spock, come in.* Kirk remembered briefly the last time he had said those words, and all that had occurred since.

*Jim, are you sure you want to do this?*

*Of course, why not?*

*I, too, am remembering.*

Kirk received a brief picture of the seed of hate falling into the pool of agony. He responded quietly. *Yes, I'm sure. Spock, I trust you.* He smiled. *What do I do?*

*As you sense me taking control of your mind, your natural instinct will be to fight me. I want you to exert every ounce of your willpower to refuse to do so. With every breath you take, actively release control to me.*

*I can probably keep that up for several minutes, but do you expect Fourteen to be able to do that for several hours?*

*No. That is why, when I have established control, I want you to stop working at it. Just relax and do nothing. Whatever happens, happens. You are not in control.*

*Just sit back and enjoy the ride. Okay, ready when you are.*

Kirk felt Spock begin to exert control. He experienced it as a pressure, a pushing, a squeezing. All he had to do was not push back. At first, it was easy. But as he was squeezed into a smaller and tighter place, it required more and more effort. He realized with gratitude that there was not the slightest shred of fear, not even any uncertainty regarding his ability to do this. Though he would not have been surprised to find it otherwise, the essence of who he was remained unchanged. There was no loss of identity, merely a compression. Suddenly, the pushing stopped. The pressure remained constant, but was no longer increasing. He relaxed with confidence. An inquiring thought, an 'I'm fine' response.

What followed was an unforgettable experience, but hard to describe. He felt Spock-himself pick up the harp and begin to play it, hesitantly at first, as one tests a new tool. As Spock infused his fingers with a skill they did not have, his playing grew in confidence. And Spock poured his soul into the music. Kirk had never heard him play like this before. There was a haunting melody, as of a child growing up with the hurts of a mixed heritage, but also as of the beauty of his desert home. The music changed, acquired more freedom and confidence. Out of that came two melodies intertwined together. They played back and forth for some time, finally rising in a crescendo of dissonance. And stopped. When they went on, it was low and quiet. But the music built again, this time in an expression of pure joy, ending on a final note of triumph. Spock-himself laid the harp on the floor and slowly began to retreat from Kirk's mind.

As the pressure eased, Kirk took several deep breaths to avoid rushing Spock. Finally, Spock removed his hand from Kirk's face, and he opened his eyes. He gazed into Spock's eyes for a long moment. Gift given and received; no words necessary. Spock knew that Kirk would treasure this memory for the rest of his days. Kirk knew that Spock had given him a priceless gift of himself, far more than was required for the demonstration. Spock was an amazingly complex creature, and Kirk counted it a privilege to call him friend. As Kirk smiled briefly at the crew, he could tell by the looks on their faces that they too recognized what Spock had done. Then he turned his attention to Fourteen and Sixty-five.

*Any comments or questions, gentlemen?*

Fourteen began. *Once again, you amaze me, Captain. I am gratified to observe that you can do this with no loss of identity, and you obviously have no barriers against Mr. Spock. But that you can do this without any sense of fear is beyond my comprehension. And I'm afraid that your ability to do this does not give me sufficient assurance that I can do it. Nevertheless, I suppose I will have to try.*

Sixty-five interrupted. *Excuse me, but is there some reason it has to be Fourteen, and not someone else?*

*No, it does not have to be Fourteen. I was discussing it with him, because I got the impression he was your leader.*

*Well he is, because he is First Clan. However, if this could be done by any of us, I would like to volunteer.*

*Why?*

*Because I think the experience is worth the risk. Because I want the kind of courage you have, and the only way to get it is to do the things you do. I think if you had been absolutely terrified, you would have done it anyway. I know you would have done it knowing it meant agony, because you did before.*

*Knowing something is going to be painful, and actually experiencing it are two different things. But you're right; I would do it again, if it was necessary.*

*God forbid!* prayed Spock.

*Indeed. Fourteen, do you have any objections to our using Sixty-five?*

*None, Captain. I think he's a little crazy, but then I _know_ you're crazy - no offense intended.*

Kirk laughed. *None taken. I think it would be a good idea to work with Sixty-five on taking down some of the barriers. Spock, while I do that, I think you should get some rest. I do not want to have to make it an order. You haven't slept in four days, and this doesn't have to be done tonight.*

*Four point nine days, Captain. I should like to inquire as to whether Sixty-five should also rest.*

He knew better than to suggest the same for Kirk. That was Dr McCoy's job.

*We do have rest periods,* explained Fourteen, *but at much longer intervals than yours. None of us is due to rest for several days yet.*

*Very well. I shall return at 0600.*

Kirk decided that had been much too easy. Spock must have some other reason for wanting to return to the _Enterprise_. Well, he could hope that Spock would rest for at least part of that time. Because they both knew that the demonstration had been child's play, compared to what was yet to come. Kirk spent the next couple of hours with Sixty-five, coaxing him to open doors and take down walls. This involved reliving some experiences he would rather not have to remember. But for every such experience, Sixty-five opened up more of himself, so Kirk figured the price was worth it. Finally, Kirk told him he'd be back in a few hours, and they would find out how fast Sixty-five could open up. Kirk hoped the second time wouldn't take as long. They disconnected.

Kirk wanted to get back to First and his need for healing, but Uhura was talking to him, so Kirk decided to make the rounds of the other five delegates. He spent some time with each, sharing the Gospel in exchange for whatever they wanted to talk about. Somewhat to his surprise, each of them wanted to discuss his relationship with Spock. He shared stories of their various narrow escapes, as well as tidbits from their everyday life. They were interested in all of it, but each one eventually asked about Spock's attacking him. None of them could understand why Spock did what he did, nor why Kirk seemed to approve his actions. Above all, after what he had done, how could Kirk still trust him? Kirk promised a joint session later, where he and Spock would try to explain to all of them.

Meanwhile, it was well past midnight when he finally got to First. He prayed for wisdom and energy as he shared with First. He walked him through forgiveness, and giving Jesus the pain. However, he knew that the acid test was facing the terror. Since he was not ready to take that on, he didn't even mention it. Finally, he got back to Sixty-five about 0200. He was pleased to find Sixty-five able to open up right away, so he didn't spend much time.


	22. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

When Spock returned at 0600, he found Kirk sprawled in sleep, with his head encased in eight tentacles: two each from Fourteen, Sixty-five, First, and Third. Uhura was similarly ensconced, with Dr. McCoy, Chekov and Sulu each having only one monitor. Mr. Scott had returned with him to the _Enterprise_, and so had not been in on this. Spock connected to First.

*Good morning. Do you consider the sleep study a success?*

*It is very intriguing. The Captain's dreams are very different from Uhura's.*

*Indeed. With your permission, I will now wake him up. Usually, he wakes with an auditory stimulus. But since he cannot hear me, I will use a tactile one.*

He reached out and placed his hand on Kirk's arm. Kirk moved slightly, a brief stiffening of muscles, and Spock knew he was awake. He withdrew his hand.

"Good morning, Spock. Be with you in a moment."

*Good morning, gentlemen. I trust your study was worth-while. Spock is here and we have a computer to fix. So, if you'll excuse me - Sixty-five, I'll join you in your room in a few minutes.*

And they disconnected.

"Whose idea was the sleep study?" Spock inquired mildly.

"I'm not sure. Everybody else was already asleep when I turned in. Which was after two. Did you get any sleep?"

"I am adequately rested." (which in Spock's case might or might not mean sleep) "I took the liberty of providing breakfast. It is up in First's room."

Kirk woke Sulu, who woke the others, so that before he had finished eating, they had all joined him in First's room. He explained briefly what they would be doing that morning, offered them the option of returning to the _Enterprise_, was not surprised that all chose to stay, and assigned them to babysit two people each. He wasn't sure it was necessary, but he didn't want any unexpected interruptions in Spock's work. He also wasn't sure how they would handle the break in the circle when Sixty-five disconnected. So, better to be safe, etc. Leaving Spock and Scotty in First's room, (the others having returned to Third's room), Kirk went to Sixty-five's room. Sixty-five was waiting for him.

*Good morning, Captain. Is Mr. Spock ready to proceed?*

*Yes, we're ready. Before you disconnect, can you tell me about your method of locomotion, so I can be best prepared to stay out of your way, while maintaining contact?*

*I will wind most of my arms around myself. I use two of them as aids in travel. I move rather slowly compared to you. However, considering the relative sizes, it would be better if we didn't both try to go through the door at once.*

*I'll let you go first, and I'll stay behind you. Now before we proceed, I need you to let down the barriers and let me in. This is very similar to what we did last night, only that was past events, and this is present reality. Show me what you see; let me feel what you feel. Fourteen's on one side; who's on the other?*

*Seventy-two.*

*Show me your connection to Seventy-two.* He did. *Now, withdraw from him.* Kirk felt the loss, and panic started to rise. *Do not be afraid. I am still here, and I'm going to stay with you. Hold on to me.* The panic subsided. *Now, show me your connection with Fourteen. Before you disconnect, let me tell you what is going to happen next. You will probably be suddenly overwhelmed with terror; you may feel like you're drowning, or falling, or both. Hold on to me; push me under if you need to; but remember this: I will be neither drowning nor falling, and I will not abandon you. You can count on it. Any questions?*

*I don't understand. If you are feeling everything I am, how can you not be drowning, if that's what I'm feeling?*

*Because of the power of Jesus. He will preserve me, for your sake.*

*How can you know this?*

*In one sense, I don't, because God can do whatever He pleases. I believe I am doing what He wants me to do, but even if I'm not, He has promised to be with me, and that's a good enough guarantee for me. In another sense, however, I've been through this three times already, and I know what to expect. First showed me what had happened to him, and I recognized it as the same pit we had hauled Third out of earlier. Fourteen wouldn't show it to me, but it was so overwhelming, he could hardly talk. Do you want to take a moment to talk to Jesus about this?*

*Yes.* Long pause. *He says to trust you. So, if you're ready, here we go.* He disconnected from Fourteen.

Immediately, they were plunged into the pool that Kirk expected. Also, as expected, he felt Sixty-five's overwhelming terror, as if it were his own. But in the inner core of his being, there was a great peace that would not be shaken. As the waters closed over them, Kirk again found that breathing was not a problem. However, he could not swim, nor even move, because Sixty-five had so entangled his legs and arms in his own. Sixty-five was hanging on for dear life, which was exactly what Kirk had told him to do. So far so good.

Then, he felt a prompting to ask for buoyancy, which he did. He envisioned himself as a life preserver for Sixty-five. He sensed them begin to rise to the surface. After a few minutes, they stopped rising, but Kirk was still under water. Sixty-five's arms were holding him under. He made no effort to free himself, but began sending Sixty-five the peace of the Lord. Eventually Sixty-five began to relax his tight hold. When he was released, Kirk felt himself bob to the surface. Unfortunately this sudden move frightened Sixty-five, who immediately grabbed him and pulled him under again.

Kirk refused to panic, but accepted the situation as it was. He again poured the peace of the Lord into Sixty-five. The response was sooner this time. Kirk again bobbed to the surface when Sixty-five released him. When he observed that Sixty-five was not going to grab him again, he wrapped two of Sixty-five's arms around his torso, leaving his arms and legs free. Looking around to check his direction, he began swimming toward the dock, with Sixty-five in tow. Getting him onto the dock required diving under him to push. But they succeeded eventually, and Kirk sat down to rest.

*You are safe now. There is no need to fear.*

*Then, why am I still afraid?*

*Are you afraid of falling in again? Or, are you afraid I will leave you alone? Or, are you afraid of what is yet to come?*

*Yes, all of that. But also, afraid that I can't do what you ask of me. What I am asking of myself.*

*Ah - the fear of failure - I know it well. The only cure I know is to make absolutely sure that I try my very best. Then if I fail, it isn't because I didn't try. Also, I have to refuse to entertain the 'what if's and the 'if only's.*

*Why do I have the impression that you rarely fail?*

*I fail every time I lose a member of my crew. It has happened many more times than I like. Any at all is too many.*

*Yet it doesn't stop you from risking your life and theirs repeatedly. Why?*

*I would much rather risk my life than theirs, and they all know it. But sometimes the situation calls for risking someone else's life, or even all our lives. I will do what I have to do for the greater good, and they all know that, too. Fear and courage are two sides of the same coin. If there was no fear involved, there would be no need for courage.*

*So, courage is doing the very thing you fear.*

*Yes, just like you're doing now. I can assure you that I won't leave you, and you can wrap yourself around me, so you will float if you fall in, but you are still having to choose not to reconnect with your people. That takes real courage and strength of will. Spock is waiting. Do you think you could get us into First's room? I'm not going to waste time trying to convince you not to be afraid of Spock. Just remember, all you have to do is try.*

*Okay.*

The next few minutes were a strange experience. Kirk felt himself in three different places, or persons, simultaneously. He was sitting on the dock, wrapped in Sixty-five's arms. He was standing in Sixty-five's room, with two of Sixty-five's hands on his head, and he was Sixty-five, as he slowly moved toward First's room. The dock scene faded to the background as Kirk had to concentrate on getting himself up the steps into First's room without losing contact with Sixty-five, or getting in his way. As he saw Spock through Sixty-five's eyes, his attention returned to what Sixty-five was feeling.

*Why are there two of them?*

*Scotty's here to assist Spock in his work. His contact with you will be conversational only. Scotty can no more do what Spock's going to do than I can. But he's the best engineer in the Federation. He and Spock work well together.*

Kirk settled himself on the floor in a corner where he would be out of the way, and returned to the dock scene to await Spock. Scotty stayed by the computer, while Spock approached Sixty-five, picked up two arms, and placed them on his head.

*Good morning, Sixty-five, I am glad you have come. Since you are here, I assume you have successfully disconnected from your people. I trust the Captain was able to be of assistance.*

*You have a gift for understatement. Were it not for your Captain, I would not be here. Even now, I am mentally clutching and clinging to him.*

*Does he object?*

*No, but I am finding it difficult to resist doing so physically as well.*

*I see no reason why you should resist it. We certainly do not need all your arms for our task. Just be sure to leave him an air intake. If he loses consciousness from lack of oxygen, he will be of less help to you.*

*Is that your only concern? What about his life?*

*I would be able to rescue him long before his life were in danger. And yes, our concern is that you be as relaxed and comfortable as possible. Ask his permission if you like, but he would not consider it necessary.*

There was a long pause, during which Sixty-five enclosed Kirk's body.

*As a matter of interest, I didn't ask first. As soon as he felt what I was doing, he apologized for not thinking to suggest it. Why should I be surprised that you two think alike? And his trust in you is absolute. I can feel it.*

*I know. It is an awesome responsibility, and I am not worthy of that trust. Nevertheless, my life now belongs to the Lord, and I will do as He wishes, and leave the care of James Kirk in His capable hands. Which brings me to the matter at hand. I wish to be certain you understand the risks involved in what we are attempting. The demonstration last night was simple by comparison. The amount of control required to make his hands play the harp was considerably less than what we require this morning. Last night, though severely compressed, he retained his sense of self. This morning, you will not. Neither of you will have any sense of self apart from me.*

*Other than enduring the experience itself, there are two risks. One is that I will be unable to establish complete control. If this occurs, we may be plunged into the depths. I do not know whether we would have the combined energy necessary to extricate ourselves. The other risk is that the task will take too long. In that event, I must either leave the task unfinished, in which case we would have failed, or risk being unable to separate ourselves after the task is done. In this case, we would likely be plunged into the depths, and be unable to get out, since I would have no energy left. As there is no one else on this vessel with the ability to rescue us, we would die.*

*Does your Captain know all this?*

*Yes, he does.*

*I do not sense any fear in him at all. He is completely calm and peaceful. He's not even impatient!*

*That has to be the Lord's doing, because the Captain Kirk I know would be impatient to get on with it. I too, have sensed that peace in him. It is founded on the unshakable rock of Jesus Christ.*

*Having been just introduced to Him, I do not have much experience with Jesus. But the power I have seen displayed this morning gives me some idea why the Captain believes without fear. So I choose to accept the risks. What do you want me to do now?*

*I am going to break this connection, move to your side, and reestablish my own connection. As I do so, I need you to relax as completely as you can and take down all your shields. As you sense me asking, I want you to actively give me control. I will need control of your mental processes as well as your physical movements. Do not be concerned about your ability to do this. You do not actually have to do anything. But I want your mental attitude to be one of giving. Do you have any questions?*

*How is this whole thing complicated by the presence of the Captain?*

*We discussed that. It is my opinion that the advantage his presence creates in your emotional state outweighs the risk of doing this with two minds instead of one. Practically, my control of his mind will happen simultaneously with yours, rather than consecutively. As I establish control, there will not be any period in which you are separated from him. Does that answer your question?*

*Yes. You are very perceptive. You answered the question I didn't ask, rather than worry me with the answer to the question I did ask. No further questions.*

Kirk was aware of Spock as soon as he reestablished contact. He sent a wordless greeting, then continued to concentrate on Sixty-five's feelings, and sending him the peace of the Lord. He felt Sixty-five's automatic resistance when Spock began to take control.

*Don't fight him. Trust him. Give with the pressure. Release control to him.*

Gradually, Sixty-five was able to release control to Spock, with Kirk giving encouragement at every step of the way. It was a slow process, but they were patient, knowing this way was safer than trying to force it. Finally, Kirk felt they had reached the point at which they had quit last night. Spock had physical control. But Kirk knew he needed more than that. This was uncharted territory, however, so Kirk looked to Spock for direction. Without any need for words, Spock knew what Kirk wanted to know.

*I must now merge your minds with mine. You must be one with me. But Jim, you must not leave Sixty-five behind.*

*Understood.

I don't understand,* Sixty-five objected.

Kirk explained. *My natural inclination is to jump in and hope everyone else follows. Spock is just cautioning me not to do that. After this next step, we will not be three entities talking together. We will be one entity. We will be Spock's mind in your body. Yet your mind will be part of the mix. Spock will know what you know. Your will, however, will be displaced by Spock's. You must trust that he can and will give it back to you when he is finished.*

*What about you?*

*I will not leave you. Whatever you are experiencing, I will be feeling right alongside of you. I do not expect to able to talk to you, but you should be able to sense my presence.*

*Thank you. Just in case I don't survive this, I want you both to know that I count it a great privilege to have this opportunity to work with you. I have never encountered people with the selfless courage and compassionate consideration that you have displayed. I admire you. I wish I could emulate you. If I survive it, I will never forget this.*

Kirk laughed. *I like you, too. I hope you get to write your book. Just don't forget to include yourself in the list of heroes. What you're doing is far more difficult emotionally than what I'm doing.*

*That may be, but you have nothing to gain and everything to lose, whereas I have everything to gain and nothing to lose. And in the midst of risking your lives for us, you have the patience and consideration to wait until I'm comfortable with each step. Well, I'm as comfortable as I'm going to be, so let's get on with it!*

*Jim?*

*Not on purpose, I didn't.*

*I mean it. Just do it! Before I change my mind.*

*Okay, Spock. We release control of our minds and our wills to you. Take over.*

Spock did. Kirk felt Sixty-five's momentary panic, before Spock's iron will took over. His last independent thought was, 'Let me help.'


	23. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Spock/65/Kirk took a long moment to settle his emotions. He was pleased to note how little energy it required. The peace of the Lord was working overtime on Sixty-five's behalf. Then, he turned his attention to the task at hand, knowing that the time element was critical. First, he established contact with Mr. Scott. Then, he began the tedious process of breaking into the computer. Even knowing what First had done to sabotage the system, it took him nearly two hours to gain access. His use of Sixty-five's hands was awkwardly slow, and it took additional time to access Sixty-five's knowledge of the language.

Once he had access to the system, there were several things that had to be done. First, he unlocked the ship's operations controls. Then, he pulled up schematics, so that Mr. Scott could work on the elevator. These required interpretation and translation; their technology was based on completely different principles. The better part of an hour was devoted to a discussion with Mr. Scott, during which they decided to deactivate and bypass the elevator's controls, and install new controls that were based on standard technology, and would be operable by human hands.

Eventually, he was able to focus some of his attention on establishing an interface with the _Enterprise_ computer. He began downloading all the data he had prepared the night before concerning Christianity; also English, Hebrew, and Greek language studies. Then, he turned to the three data tapes, looking at his own first. As he suspected, the data was in text format, rather than graphics. He would have to review the tapes now, while he had Sixty-five's language.

His own was done in a few minutes, since all he had to do was confirm that his blocking had been successful. Then, he turned to the Captain's tape. This took him over an hour, even though he skipped all the early years, and knew exactly which incidents had to be deleted. It took him several minutes to find the current security codes, because they had been purposely disguised in the Captain's memory.

He had just started on the doctor's tape, when Mr. Scott informed him that he was almost ready to test. He finished the doctor's tape at breakneck speed, and was done in just under thirty minutes. The doctor's tape contained no security codes, and the incidents to delete were the same as for the Captain's tape. Mr. Scott's work was exemplary, as usual. The elevator now worked, although Mr. Scott complained that he had had to practically rebuild the thing from scratch.

Spock/65/Kirk took several more minutes to delete all copies of the tapes, and verify that the download from the _Enterprise_ was complete. There remained only the delicate job of restoring Sixty-five and the Captain. He disconnected with Mr. Scott, who promptly fetched Dr. McCoy, but all they could do was watch and pray.

Spock had thought through this problem the night before, but considered his options one more time. Simply withdrawing and leaving Sixty-five and the Captain to sort themselves out was too risky. He had no assurance that Sixty-five would be able to separate them, and he was sure that Jim could not do it. Spock did not have the capability of separating all three of their minds simultaneously, while withdrawing his own and leaving theirs intact, but separate. Therefore, he must release them one at a time.

The question was: in what order? He knew without even thinking, that Jim wanted him to do what was safest for Sixty-five. That meant releasing Sixty-five first, dealing with the trauma which would result from Sixty-five's separation from Jim, and hoping he had enough energy left to finish the job after that. Certain precautions could be taken, however. He established a connection with Dr. McCoy, who was somewhat surprised to hear Spock's voice coming from Sixty-five.

*I do not have time or energy to explain. I am going to take us back to Sixty-five's room. I want you to follow with a portable life support unit for Jim's body. Please advise when you have it hooked up.*

To his credit, McCoy didn't argue, complain, or ask for explanations. He just did it. Spock was grateful. Maneuvering Jim's body, his own, and Sixty-five's back down into Sixty-five's room took up its own share of energy. Then, he unwrapped Jim's body from Sixty-five's arms, leaving two hands connected. The doctor arrived shortly thereafter and hooked Jim up to life support. The last precaution was to extend Sixty-five's arms to connect with Fourteen and Seventy-two, as soon as possible after he released Sixty-five.

The doctor assured him the machine would automatically take over, when and if Jim needed it. Spock requested that Mr. Scott and Dr. McCoy connect Sixty-five's arms, in the event that Sixty-five did not do so. Also, if Spock himself collapsed, he asked Dr. McCoy to administer a double dose of the strongest stimulant he had. McCoy was appalled. Spock almost never asked for stimulants. A double dose of the strongest would surely wreck havoc on Spock's body. Spock explained that it would not be safe for the integrity of Jim's mind to wait until Spock had recovered his strength. He disconnected with Dr. McCoy, and he and Mr. Scott took up position at opposite doorways.

Spock began gathering all the elements of Sixty-five's mind. Untangling Jim's mind from Sixty-five's was a lengthy, delicate operation. When Sixty-five realized what Spock was doing, he began to panic. Spock ignored him, so Sixty-five plunged them all into the depths. Spock continued to ignore the terror, and the fact that they were falling uncontrollably. Finally, he was finished, and he released Sixty-five's mind. Suddenly, there were two of them: Sixty-five and Spock/Kirk. When Sixty-five saw Spock, he instinctively grabbed him, entangling his arms so that Spock/Kirk could not move. When Spock/Kirk spoke, it was Spock's voice, but he allowed it to be Jim's thoughts.

*We are with you. Do not fear. We are not you, but we are with you. Be at peace. We will not leave you alone.*

Gradually their descent slowed to a stop.

Sixty-five asked, *Why do you say 'we'? Where is the Captain?*

*I have retained the Captain's mind, so we are both here, even though you only see one of us. I regret your emotional turmoil, but it was necessary to ensure your safety.*

*I do not feel at all safe.*

*I understand, but if you can loosen your hold, I can begin getting us out of here.*

*The Captain didn't ask me to let go. Why can't you just make us rise, like he did?*

*We are too deep. When Third was this deep, it was necessary to swim.*

*I don't know if I can let go.*

*If you do not, then we will all stay here until we die.*

*Since you put it that way, I don't have any choice.*

*I am sorry. I had intended to allow the Captain to talk with you. He is more gently persuasive than I. Unfortunately, to do so requires more energy than I have to spare.*

*Does that mean you may not have enough energy to get us out of here? Then, leave me behind. Save yourself and the Captain.* He began to unwrap himself.

*No. We will not leave without you.*

*Then, what can I do to help?*

*You can pray.*

Spock/Kirk began swimming. He did not think they were as deep as Third had been. But, that had taken more energy than he and Jim had combined. Furthermore, he had already used up most of the energy he possessed. Also, he needed some left when they reached the top, to finish the job. On the face of it, the task seemed impossible. Since Jim Kirk didn't believe in the word 'impossible', Spock/Kirk kept swimming. All too soon, he had exhausted the reserves of his energy. Suddenly, he felt a new release of energy, and realized it came from Jim. He did not think Jim was capable of doing what he was doing, but the energy was there, so he used it. Finally, it too was gone, and there was nothing left to do. With one last burst of his very last energy, he quit. Much to his surprise, they continued traveling upward. Then, he remembered about the floating. At last, they broke the surface. Spock/Kirk spoke.

*I do not have the energy to get you onto the dock.*

*Do you wish to rest on the dock? I can take you there.*

*I have no need for the dock, but you do. How could you take me there? I didn't think you could swim.*

*I'm learning, so I don't need the dock either.*

*How is it that you do not sink?*

*I prayed, and stopped thinking about myself. That's your secret - the life of someone else really is more important than your own.*

*Yes. Jesus calls it love.* He paused. *I need to return control of your body to you. Assuming the Lord gives me sufficient energy to do so, it will only take a few minutes. As I do so, I will also be withdrawing from your mind, so I will disappear from this place. As soon as I release control, you can reconnect with your people. Can you do this?*

*Yes, but what about you and the Captain?*

*The Lord will have to take care of Jim Kirk.* And Spock withdrew. The last glimpse he had of Sixty-five was of joyful reunion, as the pool winked out of existence.

Dr. McCoy saw three things happen at once: Sixty-five connected with Fourteen, Spock collapsed on the floor next to Sixty-five, and Jim's body quit working. The life support unit kicked in. McCoy checked to make sure, before he ran to Spock. Scotty got there first and connected with Sixty-five.

"Sixty-five wants ta know how they're doin'? He says Spock is exhausted and still has the Captain's mind. He's pretty worried aboot both o' them."

"So am I. But the life support unit's working, so I guess I'm going to have to give Spock that stimulant he talked about. Heaven knows what it'll do to him, but he'll kill me if I don't, and he seemed to think Jim wouldn't survive an extended stay in Spock's brain. So, here goes."

Spock came to with a spasm that shook his whole body. He continued to shake uncontrollably.

"Tha-ankk you, Doc-ttor. Ple-ease tte-ell Ssix-tty-ffi-ive tto ddis-ccon-nectt ffro-om Ji-im's bo-ddy."

Scotty did. Spock crawled over to Jim's body, rather than try to walk. The shaking was so bad, he was unable to keep his hand on Jim's face long enough to establish contact. After the third try, McCoy offered to help. With the doctor holding his fingers in place, Spock turned his attention inward. Gathering and separating the elements of Jim's mind was quick and easy, compared to Sixty-five. In a matter of moments, he had released Jim's mind and placed it back in Jim's body.

*Stimulants, Spock? I could have waited.*

*Perhaps, but it was not worth the risk. I will recover. I have one question, however.*

*I can't tell you how. I don't know if it was a miracle, or if I simply wanted to bad enough. Let's hope we don't have to try it again anytime soon. And Spock, thank you, for everything.*

*It is I who should thank you, but you are welcome. I am glad to be of service.*

Spock withdrew from the meld. Kirk opened his eyes and smiled at McCoy.

"If you can get this machine off me, I'll get up."

"You're not going anywhere until I'm sure everything's working."

"I trust that won't take too long. Scotty, tell Sixty-five I'm fine, and Mr. Spock will recover. Thanks. Spock?"

"Yy-es, Cc-aptt-ain."

"How long do you expect recovery to take?"

"The dd-octt-or undd-oubtt-edly hhas an opp-inion."

"Spock, I have never given you this particular stimulant before, and certainly not in this dosage. I have no idea how your body will respond."

"Speculate then." Kirk ordered. "I need some data."

"All right. The symptoms will last anywhere from several hours to several days. In addition to the shakes, other symptoms may include violent digestive upheaval, headache, fever, dehydration, hallucinations, or irrational behavior."

"In other words, expect anything and you won't be surprised."

"Right. The only thing I'm sure of is that when it wears off, he'll be even more exhausted than he was before I gave him the stimulant."

"Spock, now that we've heard the doctor's opinion, what's yours? And don't try to tell me you haven't got one."

"I ddo nott wish tto conttraddictt the ggood ddocttor."

"Since when?!" McCoy retorted.

"I insist," Kirk urged.

"Vvery well. I exxppectt tto bbe abble tto cconttrol the outtwardd ssymmpttoms in lless than three hours. I antticipatte the sstimullantt will wear off in approxximmattely three andd a halff ddays, aftter which I will reqquire an exxttended resst pperiod."

"Now there's an understatement!" McCoy exclaimed.

"I'll relieve you of duty for as long as you need."

"Since I ccannot walkk, I would preffer to stay here. Once I am in ccontrol of the ssymptoms, I will be ffit for duty until the sstimulant wears off."

"Very well. Bones, aren't you finished yet?"

"Yes, I am. You're in better shape than I would have expected. But let me warn you. You think you're fine, but your body has just suffered the equivalent of cardiac arrest. So take it easy, and don't push it for a few days."

"Okay, I'll try to be careful. Now will you let me get up?"

"Yes, but only because if I don't, you'll start getting agitated, which would be counterproductive."

Kirk went to talk briefly with Sixty-five, mostly just to reassure himself that he was okay. Then he went to report to Fourteen.

*Mission accomplished. Ship's controls have been restored, the elevator is working, and Sixty-five has survived the ordeal.*

*Thank you, Captain. Once again, we are in your debt. We cannot hope to repay you, but if there is anything we could do for you, you have only to name it.*

*Well - my chief engineer, who was instrumental in repairing the elevator, has requested an opportunity to examine your engines. Perhaps, we could take another day or two for an exchange of cultural and technological data.*

*Certainly. We would be glad to show you what we know. However, I am surprised. I half-expected you to demand that we spare First's life.*

*You already know my opinion about that, but I would not try to dictate to the delegation. You must decide what is right for your people. I would like to talk again with First. He needs the Lord's healing. Also Mr. Spock would like to remain in Sixty-five's room while he is recovering.*

*You are all welcome to remain on board while we have our meeting. Should our deliberations become extended, and you wish to return to your vessel, I will let you know when we are finished.*

*Thank you.*


	24. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Kirk held a brief meeting with the crew (except Spock) in First's room. He explained the current status, and Scotty beamed in delight when Kirk told him he was to have his chance at the engines. Kirk asked for brief reports, and discovered they all had had the same problem he had. No one wanted to talk about anything except Kirk and Spock. They had all resorted to bargaining: one Kirk/Spock story for each piece of information they could get.

"I am sorry. I'm sure you're all heartily sick of it by now. I'll do what I can to put a stop to it. Meanwhile, you're all free to stay or go as you wish." No one opted to leave. They all wanted to see it through. "In that case, I can use some assistance down below. I want to talk to First by himself. I need several of you to keep Third company while I do."

McCoy rose to object. "Jim, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Probably."

"You were going to avoid strenuous activity for a while, remember?"

"This is mental, not physical activity."

"Then why did Spock collapse from all that mental stress?"

"Bones, I have to do this. First needs healing, and he needs it now. Later won't do."

"Have you asked the Lord about this?"

"Not since last night." (pause) "All right, I will." (longer pause) "It's okay, the Lord will take care of me. Just trust Him."

"I do; it's you I'm not too sure about. So, I'll keep the life support unit handy."

He went off to fetch it. Kirk knew he would also tell Spock what was going on. Scotty operated the elevator, while Kirk, Uhura, Sulu, and Chekov went below. Kirk went to Third and explained what he had in mind. Third agreed that First needed help, and said he would be okay with Uhura, Sulu, and Chekov for company. By this time, McCoy had shown up with the life support unit, and without Spock. By this, Kirk deduced that Spock thought he would be fine. So, he connected with First.

*Greetings. How are you doing?*

*As well as can be expected under the circumstances.*

*We have the elevator working, and ship's operations restored. Sixty-five deserves a commendation. His help was invaluable, and he endured considerable trauma to provide it.*

*What about you and Mr. Spock? Did you not also suffer considerably? And it wasn't your ship that needed fixing, nor did you cause the damage.*

*It is not in our nature to be able to help, and yet refuse to give it.*

*There is much about you that I do not yet understand.*

*That seems to be a common feeling among your people. However, Fourteen has agreed to a cultural and technological exchange. So perhaps, we can reach a greater understanding tomorrow. The delegation is meeting right now to discuss what to do about you and Third.*

*What is there to discuss? Third is innocent and I am guilty.*

*That may be, but there are complicating factors. However, that is not what I wish to discuss with you. I promised to show you a better way to deal with the terror. I am here to keep that promise. I do not know whether you will again have occasion to face that terror, but I believe that freedom from this fear is one of the reasons the Lord brought us together. Would you like to conquer the fear, and be free of it without resorting to destructive anger?*

*Yes, I would. I think I am almost as much afraid of the anger as I am of the terror. I don't ever want to go there again.*

*I understand. Is your desire to be free of it strong enough, that you're willing to trust me and do whatever I ask?*

*I don't know. What did you have in mind?*

*The only way to be free of the fear is to face it and accept it. Your anger response was a refusal to accept it. There is power available to you to overcome the fear. That power comes from Jesus. But to access that power, you first have to accept the fear. So, what I want you to do first is let me in, so I am experiencing what you feel in the present. Last time, you showed me your memory of it. I want to feel your present feelings, as if they were my own. Can you do that for me?*

*Yes, but why do you wish it?*

*I'll tell you in a minute.* He paused while First complied. *Yes, that's good. You're experiencing incredulous disbelief and a fair amount of apprehension, as well as determination to see this through. Am I right?*

*Yes, that's a fair summary.*

*Good. The reason I asked for this is because I want to go with you. After you do what I'm going to ask you to do next, you would very likely be unable to let me join you.*

*But why do you want to do it at all?*

*Because you need me to. And I can help you. You need someone experiencing the terror right along with you, who's not afraid of it.*

*That's impossible! How can you be terrified, and not afraid, at the same time?*

*I did not say I would not be afraid. I will be as terrified as you. But I am not afraid of being terrified.*

*I do not understand. How can this be?*

*There are really three different reasons. First of all, fear is an emotion. My mind knows this is your emotion that I'm feeling, not my own. So my will dictates to my soul that I am not really afraid, in spite of the terror I am experiencing. Secondly, I have been terrified many times in my life. I have learned over the years how to handle the fear. I never let it dictate my actions. Instead, I use the adrenaline generated by the fear to help me accomplish whatever needs doing. The third reason is so much more important than the other two, because this is the one that can apply in your life. So, I shall ignore the first two, and operate solely under the third. This means, I shall not tell myself the fear is not mine, but shall allow it to be my own. I will not tell myself to use the fear to generate action, nor remind myself that I have done this many times before.*

*The third reason is this: I am not afraid of the terror, because there is within me an inner core of peace that cannot be shaken. So, while I can be overwhelmed by wave after wave of terror, that inner core of peace is unaffected - because the peace comes from the Lord Jesus, and fear has no holding place in Him. That same peace is available to you, because you too know Jesus as Lord. You simply need to develop it, by having opportunities to use it. Like this one. Are you ready to take the next step?*

*No, but perhaps I can conquer the fear enough to avoid letting it dictate my actions.*

*Good. I have talked with Third and arranged for several of my crew to keep him company while we do this, so he will be fine. I want you to disconnect with Third, leaving us all by ourselves. My experience with Sixty-five indicates that my presence alone will not keep you from experiencing the terror. When you feel it begin to overwhelm you, I want you to let it do just that. Recognize it for what it is - an emotion. You don't have to be ruled by your emotions. Resist the temptation to fight it with rage. Stay with the fear, and remember, I will be with you to talk you through to victory.*

*What if I fail?*

*I don't think you will, but what would failure look like?*

*What if I go insane with rage again?*

*If that happens, I want you to promise me one thing: That you'll take it out on me, nobody else, just me. I talked you into this; it's my fault, nobody else's.*

First was appalled. *Do you realize I might kill you?*

*Yes, you might, but I am prepared to take that risk. Also, to accept any amount of pain you inflict. Whatever you do, don't disconnect me. I don't want you left alone.*

*Why? Why would you do this?!*

*Because Jesus loves you and He wants you to be free.*

*Okay, if you are willing to suffer so much, I must be willing to do what you ask. So, if you are ready, I will disconnect with Third now.*

*Ready when you are.*

Suddenly, they were falling, and Kirk was absolutely terrified. Gut-wrenching, heart-stopping, take-your-breath-away, paralyzing fear. Wave upon wave of terror washed over him. During the troughs, he was able to gasp.

*Don't ... fight ... it.*

He felt the rage begin anyway.

*Resist ... it. ... Refuse ... the rage.*

*I ... can't!*

*Then ... focus ... it on ... me.*

The rage built in intensity and finally exploded. Kirk felt a stab of pain travel up and down his body like a bolt of lightning. And another, and another. The waves of pain replaced the waves of terror. With the pain came an overwhelming feeling of rage. Kirk fought it with everything he had.

*I ... refuse ... to fight ... you. I ... refuse ... the rage. ... I accept ... the pain. ... I will not ... fight you.*

Suddenly, it was gone, replaced by a great remorse. Kirk knew this would quickly lead to despair.

*Stop! If you truly repent of what you have just done, then you must face the fear. You have only two choices: Attack me, or accept the terror.*

So, they went back to the waves of terror. First went back and forth between the two several more times. Each time, he spent longer in the terror state, before giving in to the rage, and each time, his repentance was stronger. Until finally, he was able to resist the rage before letting it build to explosion. Kirk was grateful. The pain and rage had also been more intense with each round, requiring more energy to resist fighting. Just dealing with the terror began to feel easy by comparison.

*Good. ... You're ... resisting ... the rage. ... We're going ... to stay ... right here ... for a while ... until ... the idea ... that this ... could go on ... forever ...* He paused while First fought the rage. *... doesn't ... bring on ... the rage. ... Find that ... inner core ... where ... Jesus is. ... Then ... it doesn't ... matter ... how long ... this goes on. ... Just ... accept it.*

As Kirk continued to talk, he finally felt a sudden release, a ceasing to struggle.

*Yes! ... Thank you, Lord! ... Come, Lord Jesus ... Bring Your peace!*

The intensity of the terror decreased ever so slightly, but that was all. Kirk was puzzled, until he realized the Lord was telling him that First had to do this himself, or he would always be dependent on Kirk.

*You've found ... the inner core. ... Talk to ... Jesus.*

*Why ... didn't He ... answer ... you?*

*He did. ... He said 'no'. ... I made ... a mistake. ... He reminded ... me that ... we're doing ... this to ... get you ... free, not ... dependent ... on me! ... So we're ... going to ... get out ... of here ... on the strength ... of your faith ... not mine.*

*How ... are we ... going to ... do that?*

*Start ... by talking ... to Jesus. ... Tell me ... what He ... says.*

*Jesus, ... are You ... really here ... in all this ... terror? ...(pause)... He is! ... Jesus, ... do you ... really want me ... to stay here ... forever? ...(longer pause)... He said 'no'. ... I just ... had to ... give up ... my own ... solution. ... Jesus, ... what do ... You want ... me to do ... now? ...(pause)... Okay. ... Please ... take the ... terror ... away ... and give ... me Your ... peace.*

Slowly the terror subsided, the paralyzed muscles relaxed, their breathing returned to normal, and they stopped falling and came to a halt.

*Where are we?*

*Deep in the depths of your mind. The terror which results from the isolation causes you to withdraw into this deep place.*

*How do we get out?*

*Do you want to get out?*

*Will the terror return?*

*What if it does?*

First thought a moment. *I'll ask Jesus to take it away.*

*Good. So, do you want to get out of here?*

*Yes.*

*Then ask Jesus what to do.*

There was a long pause.

*What is 'swim'? He says you will explain it.*

*It's a way of moving your arms so as to push the water behind you, thereby propelling yourself forward, or in this case, upward. Try it, see what works.*

First tried several things, finally finding a rhythm of arm movements that worked well. By this time, he was some distance above Kirk, and was startled and disturbed by Kirk's absence. So, he quickly returned.

*Why did you not come with me? I understood that you knew how to 'swim'.*

*I do, but I have received instructions from the Lord to do nothing to get either you or myself out of here. And that includes swimming.*

*I can't leave without you!*

*Then talk to the Lord about it.*

(pause) *He says I may bring you along.*

First wrapped an arm around Kirk's torso, and began swimming upward. Kirk forced himself to stay relaxed and not help. First was not used to this activity and tired quickly. He stopped to rest and they began to sink. So, he started swimming again immediately. Kirk didn't say anything. This scenario was repeated twice more, and First was obviously getting exhausted.

*This would undoubtedly be easier, if you left me behind.*

*I will not do that!*

*Why? Because you're afraid to be left alone?*

*No! Because I don't want you to die! I owe you so much more than my life - I'm going to get you out of here if it kills me!*

He resumed swimming. Kirk perceived that it was going to become increasingly difficult to refuse to help. Finally, he couldn't stand it any longer.

*Lord, please?! (pause) I am sorry, First, but He will not let me help.*

*It's okay, I understand. It's hard for you to do nothing.*

First continued struggling to swim, finally using up all the energy he had.

*I can't do it!*

*Talk to Jesus.*

*Jesus, I cannot do what you ask. I haven't any more strength. For myself, it doesn't matter. I am willing to die. But the Captain is here only because he was trying to help me. Please save him. Release him, so that he can save himself. Yet even as I say that, I know he wouldn't go. So what can I do, Lord? (pause) Yes, Lord, give me Your strength.*

First began swimming again, more strongly than before. After a while, Kirk noticed that when First paused, they no longer sank. But he said nothing. The next time they paused, they continued slowly rising, and First noticed it.

*What is going on?*

*Talk to Jesus.*

*Lord, why are we rising even when I don't swim? (pause) He says we are close enough to float. What is 'float'?*

*It's the opposite of sink.*

*You mean, I don't have to swim anymore? That we'll just keep rising, even if I don't do anything?*

*Ask Jesus.*

*Lord, can this be true? (pause) He said it's my choice. We'd get there faster if I swim, but we could just wait. What would happen if I asked Him to transport us out of here?*

*Do you want to?*

*By definition, God can do anything, but why would He wish to do something that we don't need?*

*Ask Him about it.*

*He says there's more than one kind of need. Do you know what He means?*

*I think so. Physically, there is no need for us to get out of here quickly. However, you have a soul-need to see Him show you His power. He knows it will build your faith for the next time. But He's waiting for you to ask.*

*Lord, I know it's not a question of whether You can, but whether You will. The Captain thinks I need this. If he's right, then would You please get us out of here now?*

Instantly, the deep well vanished, leaving them sitting on the floor of Third's room.

*Thank you, Lord. Captain, I am troubled by something else you said. When you said it would build my faith for the next time, I got the definite impression that I am supposed to do this again right now, but without you.*

*I did not mean the same thing we had just done, but the next time you are faced with something you need the Lord to deliver you from.*

*I know that's what you meant, but I still have this impression.*

*You said it troubles you. What about it, specifically?*

*I am not sure this direction is from the Lord. If it is, then I must obey, and I can trust Him to deliver me. If it's not, then I could be in real trouble if I do it. I do not want to risk the consequences to the rest of you.*

*Tell me about how you feel as you contemplate doing this again by yourself.*

*That's part of what's strange about this. I would expect panic-stricken terror at the thought of it. But I'm not terrified at all. Now I understand what you said before, about not being afraid of being terrified. I know what to expect, and I know what to do about it. So, how do I find out if this is something the Lord wants me to do?*

*What reason would there be for doing this?*

*All I can think of is that I would know for certain that I could do this without you.*

*Do you think you need to do this, in order to be accepted by the Lord, by me, or by your people?*

*No, there's no sense of condemnation or challenge about it. It's more like...* He struggled to explain. *This is a tool that I will need for what's next in my life.*

*I think you should ask the Lord to make it clear to your heart, if this is what He's telling you to do. And I want you to know that I'm not worried about the consequences. God is fully able to protect the rest of us, even if you go berserk. So don't worry about us; just be clear in your heart about what He wants of you.*

There was a long pause, while First prayed.

*I'm still sensing this is something He wants me to do. It's not that I must, but that this is something I will need later. And it would be best if I practice now.*

*I'll be waiting right here, and praying for you.*

First disconnected, and Kirk began praying for him. However, he was back in less than two minutes.

*Captain, it is astonishing! There is no fear! There is no deep well, no falling, no drowning, none of what came before. Only a deep sense of peace and the presence of the Lord. It is freedom from this fear that God brought us here to find. Praise the Lord! Do any of my people know of this freedom?*

*I believe that Sixty-five has experienced it. I do not know if his freedom is permanent. I am not sure about Third. I did not want to confront him with it, after all he has suffered. I do not think any of the rest of the delegation have any freedom from this fear. Perhaps, Twenty-nine has some freedom as a result of his experience with Uhura.*

*Captain, you have already done so much for us. I have no right to ask more of you.*

*What is it that you don't want to ask?*

*I would do it myself, except that I do not expect to have the opportunity. If the delegation votes as I think they will, I will have no further contact with them. But they need this freedom, not only for their own sakes, but so that they can take it back to our people. You said Sixty-five has experienced it. Perhaps that will be enough.*

*You want me to confront each member of the delegation the way I forced you to face the terror? Pray that I will be given the opportunity. They do not have the sense of need that you had. For them, there is no crisis, no reason why they should have to face the terror. Would you have faced it if you had had any other alternative?*

*Probably not. But are you saying that you are willing to do this six or eight more times?*

*Yes, but I'll probably have some competition for the job. Maybe we should start with Third, since he's the other one most likely to want freedom.*

*Good idea. I'll fetch him. (pause) He says the others want to know what's going on.*

*I'll tell them, while you talk to Third.*

They disconnected. Kirk filled in his crew about what had occurred, and what First wanted to do now. Then First and Third reconnected. It turned out that Third already had freedom, and had had it since he had chosen life. He proved it by disconnecting from all of them for several minutes. When he reconnected, he was as cheerful as before, with no sign of any fear. He shared that it had been the rejection more than the fear that he couldn't stand. Now that he had the Lord, rejection was no longer a problem either. They rejoiced together over the healing that both had received, and prayed about how to reach the rest of their people.


	25. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Kirk's communicator went off. "_Spock to Kirk."_

"Kirk here."

"_The delegation has finished its conference. Fourteen wishes to speak with you."_

"Does he want me to come to his room, or connect here in Third's room?"

_"He would like you to come to his room."_

"Tell him I'll be there in a few minutes."

_"Very good, sir. Spock out."_

Kirk disconnected after a few reassuring words to First and Third. He escaped up to First's room before McCoy got a chance to get started bawling him out for taking more risks. He stopped in to see Spock on his way to Fourteen's room. Spock reported that he had control of his voice and hands, and expected to have full control shortly. Also, that Sixty-five was curious about the process, and he was letting him observe. Kirk asked him to find out if Sixty-five still had freedom from the fear. Then, he went to Fourteen's room.

*Greetings, Captain. Thank you for coming.*

*Not a problem. How did your meeting go?*

*We have reached unanimous agreement concerning our course of action.*

*I understand that unity is hard to achieve sometimes, with difficult choices to make.*

*We have decided to pardon both First and Third. However, we cannot restore First to his position of leadership. That action will be up to the Ruling Ring, when we return home. This decision was not difficult. After all you have done, we could not despise your example of love, forgiveness, and trust.*

*However, there is more, and this part was difficult. Sixty-five shared his entire experience with us. We have decided to request that you do for each of us what you did for Sixty-five. We wish to be sure you understand this is a request, not a demand. We will understand perfectly if you do not wish to endure such an ordeal again. But we want so badly what Sixty-five has that we are willing to offer any price within our power to give.*

*What is it that Sixty-five has, that you think I can give you?*

*He has complete freedom from the fear of being alone. He disconnected from us several times, just to prove it hadn't evaporated. His soul is full of joy, and being disconnected only seemed to increase his joy, rather than mar it with fear.*

*Do you understand that freedom from fear doesn't come from me, but from the Lord? And do you realize what Sixty-five had to do to come to that place of freedom?*

*I think I do. That is why the decision was difficult. There are several among us, myself included, who avoid such risk-taking, and do not understand you who seem to enjoy it. The deciding factor was the response of Twenty-nine. He tasted that freedom when you prayed for him, and he so much wants it, that he made me promise to let him be first. He's afraid you might decide you'd had enough before you got to him.*

*There's something you should know. While you were having your meeting, I assisted First in finding this same freedom. When he had found it, his immediate concern was that all of you could find this same freedom. We prayed for the opportunity to help you. God has answered that prayer. I would be happy to help each of you, and there is no charge for the service. However, I do have a question: Is there any reason it has to be me? There are several others who could help as well.*

*I do not think the trust level is high enough for anyone else.*

*I understand. Then there are some logistic problems to work out, since it will take some time to help six of you. It seems good to inform First and Third as soon as possible of their status. Also, it would be most efficient for us if the cultural and technological exchange could take place simultaneously with my meetings with each of you. My crew are well able to handle that sort of thing without me. Lastly, I promised several of your people a chance to meet with Spock and myself to explain our actions in more detail. Which reminds me of another concern that came to my attention this morning. It seems that your people are so enamoured of my relationship with Spock, that they do not wish to discuss anything else. If we are to have a successful exchange of information, my people must be able to get answers to their questions, without being required to give a Kirk/Spock story in exchange. Would your people be willing to limit their questions on this subject to the meeting with Spock and myself, and not pester my crew about it?*

*Yes, we will do as you ask.*

*You don't need to vote on it?*

*No, I have blanket authority to grant anything you request.*

*Then let me suggest the following schedule. Let's tell First and Third right away. Then, we can have the session with Spock and myself. After that, my people need a rest break. Tomorrow morning, we could begin a three-day exchange of information. I would leave the organizing of that to Spock and Sixty-five. Meanwhile, I can meet with two of you each day, which should give us plenty of time. And I have no objections to doing Twenty-nine first. Which of your people were the most reluctant?*

*Myself, Eighty-three, and Forty-six.*

*I would like to spread those out evenly over the three days, so as not to have two reluctant ones on the same day. Other than that, I'll leave the order up to you. Is there anything else we need to discuss right now?*

*Yes. We would like your people to celebrate with us, as we rejoin with First and Third. Since this has never been done before, we do not know exactly how to go about it. Do you have any suggestions?*

*Are you looking for some kind of ceremony, or do you not see how to include us?*

*Both, really. This is uncharted territory for us.*

*Well, I have an idea, but I don't know if you can pull it off. You used the transporter to move us from room to room. Can you move yourselves using the same method?*

*Not within the vessel. This transporter wasn't designed for beings of our size. That was the reason for installing the elevator.*

*Could you disconnect from each other long enough to move to the doorways of First's room? Then, you could reconnect through his room, rather than through your hallways. If you could do this, we could bring First and Third up from Third's room. When they saw you, they would know what you had to do to get there. It would be a message that speaks louder than words. They would appreciate that you had done that for them. Then, you could all connect together and have a noisy party.*

*How would you and your crew be included?*

*We would stand around the wall and watch.*

*That somehow seems unsatisfactory. We wish you to have a more prominent role in this reunion.*

*What do you want us to do?*

*Well, it's because of you that we are having this reunion. We wish some symbolic way of illustrating your role.*

*We could re-enact the vision. (Fourteen gasped.) No, I don't mean the part where Spock attacked me, but the part where we each join with one of you. While we are connected to you, we could each pick up one of First's arms and one of Third's arms and join them to you. How does that sound?*

*Much better than just watching. We will do as you suggest. Sixty-five can get himself to First's room without difficulty. I do not know if the rest of us can.*

*Spock and I will help. Scotty has to man the elevator, and the rest of my people are down in Third's room. I will get Spock, while you tell your people what we are going to do.*

Kirk went back to Sixty-five's room looking for Spock. He found him on his feet, apparently in complete control. Kirk asked no questions, but summarized the situation briefly. Then, he told Spock about the promised explanation session.

"Spock, you don't have to do this. This is completely voluntary and unofficial. I want you to know that I personally do not need any explanations. I promised them without asking you first, and you have every right to decline."

"Captain, it is not a problem. I have nothing to hide, and I do not object to answering any and all questions. How can I assist you in relocating the delegation?"

"Sixty-five can get there by himself. Let's have him move first. Then, we can go around the circle clock-wise, finishing with Fourteen. They should be able to move, if they're connected to the two of us. If not, we're stuck hauling them out of the well. The only real problem I see is Fourteen, who'll be stuck by himself while we do Forty-six, since Sixty-five will have already moved. We'll ask Sixty-five to come back and stay with Fourteen while we do Forty-six. That should work."

And it did. Eighty-three was the only one they had to haul out of the well, and that didn't take long, since they didn't let him get very deep, before they went after him. Kirk went below to inform the others what they were about to do; Spock told Scotty. They sent Third up the elevator, followed by First. Kirk and the crew were last up. They immediately went to their places, donned the helmets, and joined First and Third with their people, beginning with Kirk and ending with Spock. When the circle was complete, the room was littered with tentacles going in all directions, but nobody was trying to walk around, so it didn't matter. A few minutes later, Sixty-five informed Kirk that Fourteen wished him to make a speech.

*How will all of you hear it?*

*We wish you to ask First to remove the barriers.*

*Why can't you ask him?*

*We are afraid he will say 'no'. But for you, he might not refuse.*

*Okay, I'll ask him.*

Kirk waved his arms at First, who got the message and connected.

*The delegation want me to ask you to remove the barriers, so we can all talk together. They are afraid you'll refuse. They want some speeches for this occasion, and it would be easier to say things once, rather than ten times. Assuming we can get them to be quiet, that is.*

*If your people will agree to be middle men, as they were when we were trying to rescue Third, I can do as you ask. Provided Spock can make do with one connection, since I need one for Third.*

*I see no problem with that. Sixty-five, can you pass the word around, so everyone knows what's going on?*

First hooked them up as before, and suddenly Kirk could hear everyone at once. First called for order.

*I will leave us connected without barriers, as long as it is orderly. If it gets so noisy that we cannot communicate, I will disconnect you all. Since we are not used to this type of meeting, I will ask Captain Kirk to moderate.*

*Thank you. I have been asked by Fourteen to give a speech for this occasion. I am not very good at speeches, so I'll keep this short. When we first received word that you were seeking us, I was intrigued. When you first brought us aboard this vessel, I was frustrated that you would not talk to me. Now that we have gotten to know each other, I am grateful that the Lord brought us together. I am very glad you have chosen life for First and Third. I am proud to consider you my friends. I trust the Lord will continue to work in each of us.* He paused. *Now, is there anyone else who would like to give a speech?*

There were several more short speeches. In fact, almost everyone shared, even Spock.

*I do not have much to say. It is gratifying to find a species that values life as we do. I am pleased to have the opportunity to exchange information, and look forward to the next several days. Thank you.*

Fourteen was last.

*I also am not skilled in making speeches. However, I must make clear to all of you how much we owe to Captain Kirk, and to his crew. Were it not for their many sacrifices in these last several days, we would not be having this meeting. First would be dying. Third would very likely be already dead. We would be returning to our people with mourning and bitterness. Instead, we are celebrating life for First and Third, and we will return home with joy and peace. Most of all, they have introduced us to the Lord Jesus Christ, in Whom we shall find freedom from our fears. In spite of being severely mistreated, they consider us their friends. They have refused payment for their services, but only ask that we freely answer their questions about our culture and technology. I charge each one of us to withhold nothing, to grant every request, to answer every question. After all they have done, it is the least we can do. Thank you.*

*You are welcome. We are glad to be of service, and count it a privilege to know you. If there are no further speeches, perhaps this would be a good time to fulfill my promise to answer your questions about Spock and myself. So, who has the first question?*

*My question is for Spock.* It was Forty-six speaking. *What was the purpose of your attack on Captain Kirk? What did you think would occur as a result?*

*There were three possible outcomes. It was possible that the Captain would in fact conquer the hate. If so, First would see that it could be done and would release us. Secondly, it was possible that First would observe the strength of Jim's struggle and decide it was worth fighting for, and thus release us. And last, it was possible that he would in fact kill me, and First would see the devastation of the path he had chosen and turn from it, and he would release the _Enterprise_.*

*Would you have let me kill you, if it came to that?* Kirk asked.

*Yes, I would have. It had not been my original intent, but I was so steeped in self-hate that I would have welcomed your killing me.*

*That's part of what kept me under control. I was afraid you wouldn't stop me.*

The next question was from Seventy-two. *How much of what we saw on the cameras was an act?*

*As the Captain surmised, I knew as soon as I saw the vision, what it meant and what I must do. The episode with Edith was First's idea of how to make it happen. I didn't think it would work, but it was necessary to allow him to attempt it. I needed that time to plan, and it was imperative that First not know how much I knew.*

*As I told the Captain, I planned and executed the attack on him solely on my own initiative. I could not discuss it with him for two reasons. I could not let First know my plan, and it was essential for the plan's success that the Captain be completely ignorant. In fact, I purposely misled him. No, that is not strong enough: Jim, I lied to you, on several occasions.*

*I know, but maybe you'd like to enumerate those lies, just to set the record straight.*

*The first occasion was the things I said before my encounter with First. Among the many vicious false statements, I said that I did not trust you. In fact, I did trust you. I don't know that I could have done what I did to anyone I did not trust as much as I trust you. The second occasion was telling you that I did not know how I had betrayed you. That was because First did not know that I knew. The third occasion was telling you that it was not an act. At that time, I was still very much acting, more for First's benefit than yours, but I could not tell you that. And then I gave you the impression that I was worried he might force me to commit murder. Again, this lie was for his benefit, not yours. The last occasion was when I told you that I could not undo what I had done to you. I believed at the time that I could, and had every intention of doing so, but it was essential that you believe I could not. In fact, I do not know that I could have, but I would have tried. Assuming you had not killed me, and that you would let me try.*

Eighty-three was next. *Why did you do yourself what First could not accomplish?*

*Several factors went into my decision. The people of Third's clan would die if I did not attack Jim in the way the vision showed. Secondly, First needed someone to show him the way out of his dilemma. I believed Jim's behavior in the face of the betrayal of his best friend would be the example First needed. The third factor was the time element. We needed a decisive action that would force First to conclude his experimental observation of our behavior. If we had allowed it to continue, Starfleet would have sent out a major force to investigate. Casualties in the ensuing confrontation would likely have been numerous. I learned from my contact with First, that in the event you were destroyed, the retaliation from your people could have devastated our galaxy. The potential loss of life in both our galaxy and yours was worth sacrificing my life, Jim's life, and our friendship.*

*So the reason you pushed was the time element?* Kirk asked.

*That is correct. I calculated that you would last for days before reaching the breaking point. We did not have days, but hours. So, I was purposely making your life as intolerable as possible, repeatedly forcing you to face the reality of my betrayal, hoping to break you before we ran out of time.*

*You hoped to break me?*

*Yes. I did not believe anything short of violence would convince First to stop, and I did not believe you would actually kill me.*

*You have more faith in me than I did!*

*May I ask you a question?*

*Of course.*

*During our session in the gym, did you at any time believe I might kill you?*

*No, I didn't. But that's different.*

*Is it?*

*Are you telling me that what you experienced in the gym was the same thing I was feeling when you kept pushing? And I pushed you over the edge. Spock, I'm sorry.*

*You had every right to require it after what I had done to you.*

*But to force you to do that which I was unwilling to do was inexcusable.*

*Jim, I do not consider that you did anything needing forgiveness, and I am not sorry you did it. I was merely pointing out the similarity of the situations, so you would understand why I did not believe you would kill me.*

Fifty-one had a question for Kirk. *Captain, can you explain why you trusted Spock before, during, and after his attack on you?*

*I knew Spock had a plan when he told me he couldn't talk about it. His comment about theme and variation was by way of an apology in advance for what he was about to do. So, the series of vicious insults didn't bother me at all. I knew he didn't mean any of it. I was shocked and amazed at his performance, because I didn't know he could do that. But I knew it was a performance, and I understood what he was trying to do. And it worked. First gave us an opportunity to find out what was going on.

*When he came back from his encounter with First, I was looking for clues. It was readily apparent that we still couldn't talk freely, and the information he was able to give me directly was insufficient. I was pretty sure he was still acting, especially after he told me he wasn't. But it wasn't all an act - the anguish in his eyes was real. I know now it was anguish over what was to come, rather than what had already occurred.

*He warned me about Edith, not in so many words, mind you, but we don't generally need many words. I knew the information about Edith had come from Spock - there was no other way First could have gotten it. Either he took it by force, or Spock gave it to him. He wanted me to believe Spock had freely given it, and I did, but not because of the picture. That could have been fabricated. If he had gotten the information by force, there would have been no reason for Spock to continue acting. And McCoy agreed with me, that Spock was not being controlled by an outside force. So, he had done it on purpose. He was telling me, we were still doing the experimental observation routine, and the theme was betrayal. As long as we could keep the focus on Spock and myself, the rest of the crew were reasonably safe.

*Later, when McCoy got us talking, I encouraged Spock to share. He proceeded to give an extremely accurate account of what I had been feeling and thinking. Normally, he would not have done that, even with my permission. So, he was telling me that one of the rules of this game was complete transparency. That is why I was careful to share in detail what I was thinking and feeling at several points.

*And then, there was the attack. I knew only that this was something Spock wanted me to do, and that it was going to be awful. I really didn't know what Spock was going to do, and I understood why he couldn't tell me. On some level, I knew that all the rest had been play-acting, and this was the real thing. I still had no idea what was behind all this, but I knew that Spock did. And Spock never does anything without a reason. So, if Spock wanted me to do this, then it was absolutely necessary, and the amount of agony involved was irrelevant. Also, that bit about letting us out of here, that was a euphemism for 'we're running out of time.' Getting out of here was irrelevant. Contacting Starfleet with some answers was critical, as has been discussed.

*What you really want to know, however, is why I continued to trust Spock even after he attacked me. I know I said I didn't trust him, but that was a lie. And eventually, you all knew it, because actions speak louder than words. I trust Spock, because I know him. Betrayal, disloyalty, and deceit are not in his nature. The only thing that would drive Spock to do what he did was the potential loss of countless lives. So, while I knew none of the details, I knew enough to agree to endure what he did to me. If I had said 'no', he would not have done it, but he knew I would not refuse. I trusted him then, as always, because I understood what he was doing, and why he was doing it.*

*Why were you so angry then?*

*My trust of him was on a deeper level than the anger.*

*Then, the attack itself was a failure?*

*No. Its purpose was to get First to release us, and it did accomplish that purpose. We were prepared for it to destroy our friendship and our lives. That it did not do so, I attribute to the gracious intervention of God.*

The last question was from Sixty-five. *I have a trivial question for Spock, just to complete the picture: Would you have woken the Captain in four hours?*

*No. I would not have permitted him to sleep at all. We did not have time. I observed that he was talking with the good doctor, and heard his weeping. I was contemplating how to bring this to a successful conclusion, when he came to me. I assumed he was ready for Torture Round Three. Instead, I discovered he had changed the rules, a favorite tactic of his. Fortunately, this provided the impetus for First to release us, and thus avert the tragic loss of lives.*


	26. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

The next morning, Kirk transported into Third's room, where they had set up a base of operations. Uhura told him that they had already tried other crew members, and no one else had pain-free communication. So, Chekov and Sulu had volunteered to help with the cultural exchange of information. Bones was working with Fifty-one on physiology and medicine. Scotty was, of course, getting his look at the engines, with Forty-six assisting. Spock was busy setting up a computer interface, with the help of Sixty-five. This interface Spock would be able to manipulate himself, without becoming Sixty-five in order to use it. Seeing that everyone was occupied, Kirk went to see Twenty-nine, as he had promised.

*Good morning, Twenty-nine. I am here to keep my promise to let you be first.*

*Thank you, Captain. I am grateful and eagerly await your help.*

*Do you understand what I will be asking of you, what it is that we are trying to accomplish, and Who is the Source of your help?*

*I think so. I wish to be free of all the fear that has plagued me for so many years. Sixty-five said that you could help me. I got a glimpse of freedom when I first joined with Uhura, day before yesterday. I am willing to do anything you tell me; I wish to be free.*

*I want to help you. I can show you the way, but I cannot do it for you. You will have decisions to make, risks to take, and things to endure. But first, I want you to be clear about where the freedom comes from. Do you remember we talked about Jesus the other night?*

*Yes. You said He was the one Who brought us together.*

*Jesus is the Source of the freedom you seek. You cannot get it from me, or anyone else. The first decision you must make concerns the Lordship of Jesus in your life.*

He went on to lead Twenty-nine to accept Jesus as Lord and Savior. When Kirk was sure that Twenty-nine had the basis for a relationship with the Lord, and understood that freedom from fear came from the Lord, he went on to the next step.

*The next thing you need to do is remove the barriers between us, taking down all your privacy shields. This is a hard thing to do, among my people, as well as yours. The reason I need you to do this, is so that I can feel everything you feel, and conversely you feel what I'm feeling. If you cannot do this, my ability to help you is severely limited. I have a question for you. When Sixty-five shared with the delegation, did he just tell you about it, or did you experience what he had experienced, as if it were your own memory?*

*We experienced it as if it were our own.*

*I thought so, since that's the way First shared with me the story of why you came here. What I need you to do is similar to that, only it's present reality instead of memories. First had very little trouble doing this; Sixty-five had to work at it for several hours, but we finally got there. Fourteen could not do it at all. The principal difficulty my people have with this is the trust level required. There are no secrets left. Who you are is completely transparent. Letting someone know you that deeply requires risking the possibility of getting hurt by that person. We would rather hide our weaknesses and guard ourselves against that much vulnerability.*

*I am surprised at your understanding, since you obviously don't have this problem. It is the level of trust you have exhibited that astounds us so much, not only with Spock, but with several of us as well.*

*I have worked with Spock for many years, and the trust level we enjoy now is much greater than when we began. My ability to trust your people is a direct result of my relationship with the Lord. It is because my trust in Him is absolute, that I can be free to trust others. I do not fear being hurt, because the Lord is in control of my life, including all my pain.*

*I think I understand, and I think I trust you enough, but I don't know how to do what you are asking.*

*Start by showing me a memory, something fairly recent. How about your experience in bonding with Uhura?* And he did. Kirk experienced the fear and the joy, as if they were his own. He even recognized the touch of Uhura's mind when they joined.

Now comes the hard part, Kirk thought to himself. *Fair is fair. What would you like to see from my memories?*

*I do not think I should ask for what I really want. No one should have to relive that.*

Kirk already knew what Twenty-nine wanted to see. And it was true, he had no desire to relive it. But he was committed to helping Twenty-nine, and if proving it would help him face the fear, then he was willing to relive even that.

*How much of it do you want to see: just the attack, or what followed as well? And why do you wish to experience it yourself?*

*I want to understand you. And I want to see as much as you are willing to show me.*

Kirk went back to the moments before the attack. It began with the grief of saying goodbye. Then the attack itself, and all the agony that went with it, followed by the realization of what Spock had really done. His conversation with Bones flowed into his first encounter with Spock and the hate. He relived the fierce struggle against the hate, and his refusal to view Spock as an enemy. He remembered the anger at being manipulated, the frustrated certainty that Spock was doing this to him on purpose. He finished with the deep sobbing that resulted when he gave it all to the Lord.

*You continue to trust him after that!? I had no idea of the intensity of your emotions. The words you spoke at the time do not convey the half of what you felt. I think we made the erroneous assumption that since you do not communicate the way we do, that you do not feel things deeply as we do. I see now how wrong we were.*

*We have all made assumptions that are being adjusted as we get to know one another better. Can you show me what you're feeling right now? He did. You feel remorse at having asked me to relive that memory, combined with guilt at being part of what caused it to occur in the first place. You are also apprehensive about what else I may ask of you, and underneath it all is a determination and eagerness to be free.*

*You read me very well,* Twenty-nine marveled.

*Now can you tell me what I am feeling?* Kirk asked.

*You are committed; full of joy and peace. I am looking for any trace of fear, and I cannot find any. I sense that you normally do not share your emotions, but you are deliberately being open and transparent, showing by example what you want of me. I still do not understand why you want this level of openness.*

*It is because, if we are not sharing this openly, I cannot help you face the fear. In order to have complete freedom, you must face your deepest fear, accept it, and then give it to Jesus. I can walk through this process with you, feeling the terror right alongside of you, showing you by example how to respond with faith in the Lord. However, if I were on the outside, giving advice without being here, it might be the right advice, but you would be less able to respond to it.*

*Thank you for explaining. What do you want me to do now?*

*The next step is to face the fear. If you are willing to do this, you need to disconnect with your people, leaving us by ourselves. Since you have Sixty-five's memory, I don't need to tell you what will happen when you do that. I should caution you, however, that there seems to be some variation in how your people respond to this situation. Whatever happens, I do not want you to disconnect me. I want you to direct your emotions at me, whatever they are.*

The experience that followed was more like Sixty-five's than First's, because Twenty-nine did not get angry. However, his fear was magnitudes greater than either Sixty-five's or First's had been. Even gasping conversation was impossible. All Kirk could do was feed him the peace of Jesus and pray. Eventually, the fear subsided enough that Kirk could think, and then he could speak.

*I accept the fear you give me. In return, I give you the peace of Jesus. Can you give the fear to the Lord in the same way you are giving it to me?*

*I do not understand. You said I would feel what you feel. If I am sending you all this fear, why do I not feel your fear? Am I not actually sharing my fear with you?*

*Oh, yes, you are. Very successfully. Until a moment ago, I could not even speak, the fear was so intense.*

*But what I sense in you is a deep peace, not an overwhelming fear. Where does the fear go?*

*I am giving it to Jesus. Do you need me to send it back to you for a moment, to prove that I am receiving it?*

*Not only that, but I need to see how you are giving it to Jesus. I thought you said that you had no ability to raise any such shields.*

*I don't. At least, I don't think I do. The Lord must have done it, to reduce the fear level enough so we could talk. I will ask Him to remove it for a few minutes, so you can see it all.*

He did, and Twenty-nine saw the rock-bottom faith that resulted in the deep peace. He also saw above that a mirror of his own fear that Kirk was willingly experiencing as his own. As the fear increased because of the feedback loop, Kirk's capacity to accept it seemed boundless. Then, Twenty-nine saw that there was always room for more, because Kirk was constantly giving the fear to the Lord. And as he did so, it disappeared. Twenty-nine pondered this for a moment. Suddenly, the Lord shut down the feedback loop, and the fear immediately decreased noticeably.

*I see that you are giving the fear to the Lord. That is what you want me to do? In order to do that, I must be open to Him, as I am to you.*

*Yes, that is a risk you must take. I can assure you that He is trustworthy and faithful, but you can't know that, until you know Him. But you have already given your life to Him, so what is there to hide?*

*Nothing, and even if there were, it is a risk I will take in order to be free. Jesus, I give You my fear, all of it. Please take it away, and set me free.* The Lord did as he asked. Immediately, they were back in Twenty-nine's room, and the deep well of fear had disappeared. Kirk asked the Lord about it, and He said that the others had not released their fear all at once, while Twenty-nine had. So, he had no need to swim out of the well.

*Before I leave, would you like to test your new-found freedom by disconnecting with me to see if the fear returns?*

*If you would like me to. But I have no doubt about the result.* He disconnected for the space of two minutes. When he returned, he confirmed that the fear was truly gone.

*How can I thank you for what you have done? Your capacity to accept suffering is incredible. I can never repay the debt I owe you.*

*You do not owe me anything. I offered to do this without charge. It gives me great joy to see you free. The only thanks I desire is that you be faithful to serve the Lord for the rest of your days, and, if you should have the opportunity to help the Lord set someone else free, you will give yourself freely to the task.*

*That I will do.*

Over the next three days, Kirk helped each of them come to freedom. But such repetition was not boring, because each went a little different from the others. He had to ask the Lord for wisdom at every turn, because what worked with one, didn't necessarily work with the next. Some got angry, some were defensive. All were afraid, but some more than others. Some were determined, others very reluctant. Some, like Twenty-nine, had little trouble removing the barriers; others, like Fourteen, he spent hours with, coaxing and encouraging, finally getting angry because they would not let him in. Some were finished in a few hours, others took all day and half the night. By the end of three days, he was emotionally exhausted, but it had been worth it. All of them were now free from their fear, and ready to go home and share it with their world.

Kirk had checked in with Spock every morning, and was assured that everything was proceeding smoothly. Bones had a different opinion; he was sure Spock would collapse any moment. Kirk didn't think so, but by the end of the three days, he knew Spock was about out of time. So he tried to expedite their leave-taking. But the delegation wanted a final ceremony. Bones objected strongly, but Spock told him to stop worrying. So Kirk agreed to a one-hour closing meeting. They met in First's room, hooked together as before. Each one shared briefly, and they parted as friends, thinking they would not see each other again. Difficult as the encounter had been, everyone rejoiced at the outcome.

Upon their return to the _Enterprise_, Spock made his way to the bridge, over McCoy's protests.

"Jim, he's running on sheer stubbornness. If he doesn't rest soon, I don't know that he can recover. What can he possibly have to do now that won't wait?"

"I don't know, Bones. But you know better than to waste your breath arguing with him. He'll know when it's time, and you know it."

When they arrived on the bridge, Spock was waiting for him.

"Captain, I request permission to be relieved of duty for an unspecified period of time. To the best of my ability, I have prepared my station, and my department to operate without me. However, I would regret missing the opportunity to study the phenomenon we left last week. Have you received orders concerning our return to that mission?"

Kirk understood immediately what Spock was asking for. He turned to Sulu. "Mr. Sulu, how long would it take us to return to the vicinity of the phenomenon at Warp Two?"

"Approximately four days, sir."

Kirk turned back to Spock. "Will that do, Spock, or do you need more time?"

"Thank you, Captain."

Spock collapsed and Kirk eased him to the floor. As McCoy jumped to examine him, Uhura called a medic team with a stretcher to the Bridge.

Bones muttered, "Well, he's still alive at least."

Kirk was reassured, stood and confirmed the order to Sulu for Warp Two. As he sat in the chair, he remembered thinking that this mission would be very interesting, but not fatal. He reflected on how close they had come to that prediction being proved false. With a grateful sigh, he began to relax.


	27. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

On the second day after leaving First's vessel, (Kirk had spent most of the first day sleeping), he sought out Harb Tanzer. He found him sitting in a corner, looking pensively at his coffee cup.

"Good morning, Harb, or is it afternoon? I've lost track."

"It's morning, Jim. How are you? You look a little less exhausted today."

"I'm fine, really. And you're not Dr. McCoy." He sat down with a smile.

"No, I'm not, but the whole ship knows."

"That's what I want to talk to you about. That report you put on my desk - that's for the bureaucrats. I want your honest opinion."

Tanzer traced a thumb around the rim of his cup. "You're not going to like it."

"The truth, Harb." Kirk sat forward earnestly. "I need to know."

"The bottom line is, I think the crew need some explanations. You lived it; we watched it; but without sound, there are major chunks of it that don't make sense. So, the crew are reading into it their own meanings. I confess I got them started on it, but I'm hearing a lot of uncertainty and confusion."

"You started it?" Kirk sat back, puzzled, but not alarmed.

"Yes. Lieutenant Tanis will make a good captain some day. You weren't gone three hours before he was down here, concerned about the crew. He could see what watching you on the screen was doing to them. He wanted me to create a diversion. And as far as I know, he never told anyone that it was his idea. The whole ship thinks it was my idea.

"Anyway, he wanted a diversion, and I suggested turning it into a movie theater, complete with popcorn. It progressed from there into skits and various guessing games. The most successful was, how many times could you tackle that lion before passing out."

Kirk couldn't help grinning sheepishly, but didn't interrupt.

"Another was a contest submitting theories on what was going on. We gave prizes for the most original, most humorous, etc. I saved the best ones for you. Of course, all this was before Spock attacked you."

Immediately sobered, Kirk nodded for Tanzer to continue.

"Apparently, very few actually saw it, but within hours, it was all over the ship. Every time I heard the story, it got worse. So, the whole ship watched you sob your heart out. And reactions to your subsequent melding with Spock were a combination of confusion, anger, and disbelief."

"Why anger?" Again, the question was for clarification, not accusation.

"In a popularity contest between you and Spock, there's no question who would win. Mr. Spock is highly respected, but he makes no attempt to be liked, and very few people understand him."

"Are you saying the crew personalized it, taking sides against Spock?"

Tanzer nodded gravely. "Most of the time, the crew has no idea what you two get into, because your senior officers are not a talkative bunch. But this is different. They saw it, but they don't understand it."

"And a crew with confused loyalties doesn't function well. So, an explanation is in order. What do you recommend?"

"I'm talking about a real explanation, not just an 'I'm sorry you saw it, but it's really none of your business' pep talk."

"I know, but let me warn you: The truth is probably worse than the stories."

"Jim, can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure." Kirk smiled.

"You seem different. From what I saw happen over there, I would expect you to be worn to a frazzle, emotionally. Instead, you're relaxed and happy. I expected you to want distance from the whole thing. I watched you carefully just now, and unless you've acquired a whole lot more Vulcan technique in the last few days, it doesn't bother you in the least that the whole ship saw you sobbing. Why?"

"Harb, what happened over there was the worst experience in my entire life. It was also the best. It has changed my life permanently. I am a different person than I was before. And I'm happy to tell anybody and everybody what happened. But what I have to say is extremely personal, and it involves Spock, as well as myself. Also, to give the whole story would take several hours. So, I have some questions: Should I wait until Spock wakes up, or is now more important? How can I share something this personal with four hundred people at once? And I want them to be comfortable, not worrying about the fact that I'm the Captain."

"Well, I have an idea, but I don't know if you can pull it off."

"Let's hear it."

"First of all, I'd say now is most important. If this works, you can always do it again next week, when Spock has recovered. I'll spread the word there's to be an informal gathering here tonight, say at 1900 hours. I'll gather a list of anonymous questions for you. Come to my office about an hour early, and bring a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt."

Chekov and Uhura managed to get seats in the third row. The place was packed. Promptly at 1900, Kirk and Tanzer emerged from Harb's office. However, the Captain was out of uniform, and looked a little nervous. Tanzer opened the meeting.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming on such short notice. The capacity crowd we have was anticipated. For those of you still in the hallway, we have overflow seating with closed circuit viewing set up on the hanger deck. For the benefit of those having to make do with audio only, let me tell you that the gentleman standing next to me is dressed in jeans and a bright red flannel shirt."

At this, Kirk looked at and touched his shirt in puzzlement. "Is there something wrong with my shirt? They're all wearing red, too." He gestured at the audience. A few people chuckled.

"No, there's nothing wrong with the color red. In fact, it's very popular this year." A few more chuckles. Tanzer turned back to the audience. "Our speaker tonight needs no introduction. I'm sure you'll give him your undivided attention." And he stepped off the stage.

Kirk cleared his throat, shuffled his feet, looked up, smiled, and said, "Hi! My name's Jim." A couple of quickly-stifled snickers. "I'm a little shy."

At this, Uhura was sure she heard a derisive snort somewhere behind her that sounded like Dr. McCoy.

"I'm just a country boy from Iowa, so you'll have to forgive me. I don't talk too good."

There was dead silence. The crew were afraid to loosen up, and unsure what the Captain was doing. He went on.

"Something happened recently that's so important, I wanted to share it with all of you. It involves a close friend of mine. I'm sorry he couldn't be here, but he's a little tuckered out."

Again, McCoy was the only one bold enough to laugh.

"He'll be sorry he missed it."

Chekov muttered, "I'll bet."

Uhura whispered, "Maybe he'd surprise you."

Kirk was getting desperate. He launched into his story. "There were a group of us, and we were on one of those 'save the galaxy' missions. We were stuck on the alien ship and running out of time. Say Harb," he interrupted himself. "Are you sure that computer's not recording this? I wouldn't want to get in trouble with the Captain."

This statement was so ludicrous, that Uhura burst out laughing. That seemed to be the cue the audience needed, and they laughed as well. The tension eased, and they settled down to listen.

Kirk straddled a chair and began to share. He told the entire story from start to finish, leaving out nothing, and including some things that even his senior officers had not known. He shared not only what happened, but what he felt while it was happening.

McCoy recognized early on what Kirk was doing. Complete transparency was necessary for the crew to understand what had occurred. But it didn't fit with the Captain's position to be that open with the crew. It also didn't fit with the Jim Kirk he knew. It seemed he would have to get used to a new Jim Kirk.

Kirk talked for hours while the crew sat spell-bound. His voice was quiet, but none doubted the truth of his words. He seemed neither embarrassed nor proud, but spoke simply, from his heart. When he was finished, it was after 2300.

"The hour is late and I've talked long. Thank you for listening. If the Captain permits, maybe we can do this again next week. Meanwhile, this country boy needs some sleep." He left the stage and disappeared into Harb's office. After a moment of silence, the applause began. It quickly became a standing ovation. Tanzer stuck his head in the office.

"Jim, you better come back out here. They're not going to quit."

So Kirk made his way back to the stage, let them applaud a few more minutes, then motioned for silence.

"Thank you. I appreciate the vote of confidence. I'm serious about coming back next week. If I can, I'll bring my friend along, because you haven't heard the other side of the story. Now you'd better get out of here, before the Captain comes along and sends you all to bed."

Kirk again retreated to the office. Harb came in about thirty minutes later.

"Most of them have gone. From the reactions I've heard, I'd say it was a resounding success, except for one thing: You answered all their questions, but you've raised a whole bunch of new ones."

"And what's your reaction?"

"In a word: Wow! You weren't kidding, the truth was worse than the stories. But what I find the most incredible is the complete transparency with which you talk about it."

"Do you think it embarrassed them?"

"No, because you aren't embarrassed by it."

"Would you have understood, if I had been less open?"

"Probably not, but I'm not sure I understand it anyway."

"Do you want to?" Kirk asked quietly.

"Yes, I do. You've changed. I've seen you come back from lots of close-call missions. Usually, you retreat into a shell for a few days; then, you bounce back and you're fine. Or at least, you manage to convince everybody you're fine. This is different. You really are fine. And I don't see how you could be after what you described tonight."

"I guess I didn't explain it very well."

"Your description was very vivid. It was almost-" Tanzer paused, trying to come up with the right words. "-as if we experienced the attack ourselves."

"So vivid you didn't hear anything else I said?" Kirk sat forward and put his elbows on the desk.

"Oh yes, your explanation of the struggle against the hate was equally compelling."

Trying not to be pushy, Kirk forced himself to sit back in the chair. "But you didn't get the solution?"

Tanzer sighed. "I heard it, but I don't understand it."

"Lord, help me." He paused. "I think it's something you have to understand with your heart, not your head."

They talked for another hour and a half, and Kirk led Tanzer to the Lord.

The next morning Kirk stopped in to see Spock. McCoy was in his office.

"Good morning, Bones. How are you?"

"Good morning, Jim. I'm fine, but what you really want to know is 'How is Spock?'"

"That, too." Kirk grinned.

"He's still asleep, but I think he's going to be okay."

"Mind if I go in and pray for him?"

"Not at all. Just don't disturb him. He's asleep, not in a healing trance."

"You mean, I could wake him, if I needed to?"

"Don't you dare!"

"I won't, but it's reassuring to know I could."

Kirk went into Spock's room and stood silently praying. After a few moments, Spock's eyes opened.

"Jim."

"Spock, everything's fine. Go back to sleep."

Spock's eyes closed and he slept. Kirk left quietly.

Sometime later, McCoy went to check on Spock, and found his condition markedly improved. He smiled to himself, not at all surprised. Yes, the new Jim Kirk was going to take some getting used to.

Spock awoke in the morning of the fourth day, just three hours before they were in range of the phenomenon. He paged the nurse, who immediately notified Dr. McCoy. He called the Bridge before going in to see Spock.

"_Bridge. Kirk here."_

"Jim, Spock's awake. If you want to talk to him first, you better hurry. I'll only be able to hold him a few minutes."

_"Thanks, Bones. On my way."_

McCoy walked into Spock's room, and the nurse left.

"Good morning, Doctor. If you would be so kind as to perform the necessary examination to release me, I have work to do."

"Good morning, Spock. You are certainly doing better than when I dragged you in here." He took several readings, and then removed the IV.

"I am fully recovered, and fit for duty, as you can see."

"Yes, you are. However, there's a certain gentleman who wants to talk to you before I let you out of here."

"I presume you refer to the Captain. May I be allowed to dress while waiting?"

"If you promise to wait for him."

"Of course."

Spock was almost fully dressed when Kirk burst in the door.

"Sorry. The 'lift always knows when I'm in a hurry."

McCoy smiled and left.

"Good morning, Captain."

"Hello, Spock. You look rested."

"I am. There is something you wish to discuss with me?"

"Yes. This won't take long. We won't get there for several hours yet. Sit down, Spock. I want you to hear this from me, before you hear it from anyone else. I have a confession, an apology, and a request."

"I am yours to command, Captain."

"This is Jim speaking, not your captain."

"By which I presume you mean this is personal."

Spock sat in the one chair, while Kirk leaned on the bed.

"Very. Two days ago, I told the entire crew what happened on First's vessel. Had you been awake, I would have asked your permission. I chose not to wait for you."

"I was under the impression they already knew. In any event, I would have given permission. It is not a problem."

"There's more, and it gets worse." Kirk started to pace the available aisle next to the bed. "All they knew was what some of them who were awake saw. Mr. Tanzer was concerned, because they were making up all kinds of horrendous stories about what happened. Unfortunately, the truth was worse than the stories. And I told it in such completely transparent detail, that now the whole ship knows exactly what you did to me." He stopped and gazed at Spock. "But they do not understand. I'm afraid feeling against you is very high."

"Righteous indignation in defense of their captain. Quite understandable. Will it interfere with the performance of their duties?"

"Tanzer thought so. That's why he wanted me to talk to them. But apparently, I've only made it worse. Spock, I'm sorry. Can you forgive me for doing this to you?"

Spock rose and took a step toward him. "Captain, I did do the deed. Enduring public ridicule is a small price to pay. Do not worry. I will survive it."

"I know, but it _does_ hurt, and I want you to know that I hurt with you."

"Yes, you do. But you hide the fact better than Dr. McCoy does, for which I am grateful. You mentioned a request."

"Yes. I would still like to straighten out this mess. Would you be willing to help me try again? Would you talk to the crew, out of uniform, sharing from your heart?"

"Why out of uniform?"

"Because it's easier for them to relate to us as people, apart from our position. I took off the uniform because I wanted them to see Jim, the person, not their Captain."

"But you _are_ the Captain."

"Yes, but for the duration of that meeting, I pretended to be someone else. I actually got them to laugh, when I told Harb I didn't want to get in trouble with the Captain. And I told the story without reference to anyone's name or rank."

"Maybe I should make an appearance dressed in villain's black." The twinkle in the eye and the raised eyebrow were the only indications that Spock was making a joke.

"No, I don't think that would help."


	28. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

To Kirk's surprise, Tanzer thought it was a great idea. That night, they again had an overflow capacity crowd, in spite of the short notice. Kirk again appeared in jeans and flannel shirt, sat down and began to talk about how he had really hoped his friend could come. Meanwhile, Spock, dressed in a black cape with hood, approached stealthily from behind. Kirk pretended to be completely unaware of him. Suddenly, Spock pounced, gripping Kirk's shoulders in claw-like hands. The audience gasped.

Kirk turned calmly, stood up, and said, "There you are. So glad you could drop in."

Spock waved his cape in vampire bat fashion.

"Oh, cut it out. You're not scaring anyone." Kirk turned to the audience and said, "Don't mind him; he's always playing games."

Sulu laughed. Everybody else thought this act was too close to reality.

"Take off the costume, so I can introduce you. We can't see your face."

Spock took off the hooded cape, revealing a forest green, dressy tunic. "I cannot pretend to be other than who I am." This sentence was delivered in a Vulcan monotone, complete with deadpan expression and rigidly erect posture.

Kirk laughed. "Yes, you can." He turned to the audience. "He is a consummate actor. He's so good that you don't realize he's acting most of the time. You may think Vulcans don't have feelings, because he avoids displaying them. Nothing could be further from the truth. Over the years I have known this man, I have discovered that he feels things much more deeply than many of us. He chooses, however, to refuse to be ruled by those emotions. I asked him to come here tonight and share with you from his heart. Vulcans do not do this, at least not in public. Nevertheless, he came, because I asked him to. Please give him your attention, as you would me." Kirk stepped off the stage. Spock straddled the chair Kirk had vacated, and began.

"Before I begin sharing about myself, I want you to know that the C-, excuse me, Jim, cares very deeply for each one of you. It would have been far easier for him to keep his pain to himself. Instead, when Mr. Tanzer asked him to share, he did so with complete transparency, risking public ridicule of himself, of me, and of our friendship. It hurts him deeply that you are angry with his friend. Even more, however, he is concerned that if you cannot release your anger, it will fester, become bitterness, and work to destroy you.

"I understand your anger. It is justified. I have viciously attacked your captain, and your loyalty to him demands retribution. I myself have no need to explain my actions to you. However, I will do so in the hopes that the explanation will enable you to release your anger.

"Jim has asked me to share from my heart. I do not know that I can do this, but I will try. Our recent encounter with First and his people was the most difficult experience of my life. The difficulty lay with the necessity of doing that which is diametrically opposed to who I am and what I value, coupled with having to watch what that action did to my best friend.

"To explain the necessity, I must back up to the end of that eight-hour marathon. Our mission was to ascertain whether the intentions of the aliens were hostile, and to communicate an answer to that question to Starfleet Headquarters within forty-eight hours. By this time, we had used up more than half that time and still had no answer. Furthermore, Jim would not have survived another such marathon. We agreed to employ devious tactics to gain some information. I staged a verbal attack on the rest of our party in the hopes that the alien would be sufficiently convinced of my disaffection, that he would investigate personally, thereby allowing me to access the information we needed.

"Since I am to share my heart, I must tell you what I felt while doing this. I abhor telling lies at any time, but telling such vicious lies, designed to be personally hurtful - and watching the hurt on the faces of my friends, while persisting with the performance, was difficult and emotionally painful. Little did I know how simple this was, in comparison with what was yet to come.

"At any rate, it worked. I was transported to the black box, and became aware of a strange smell. Since I immediately became dizzy, I deduced this smell to be an anesthetic. So, I held my breath and feigned unconsciousness. I was then transported to what I now know was First's room. I caught a brief glimpse of him - colors, arms, and all - while collapsing on the floor, continuing to feign unconsciousness. I was also aware of the difference in air and gravity.

"First picked me up and laid me out flat on the floor in front of his computer. Then, he sat there and did nothing for several minutes. I know now that he was puzzled by my emotional state. Had I truly been unconscious, there should not have been any emotion for him to receive. I, however, had just discovered that he was telepathic. So, while he may have sensed some alarm at the complications this posed for what I planned to do, I'm afraid my chief emotion at the time was curiosity. At any rate, I used those several minutes to marshal my mental defenses against him. To continue the subterfuge, I left most of my mind wide open. I managed to conceal from him the fact that I was telepathic and that I was fully conscious. So, while he probed my mind, I probed his.

"I encountered foremost in him a deep anguish of soul, mixed with grief, hatred, and bitterness. As I probed deeper, I discovered the source of his emotional pain: his relationship with Third and the vision that had torn them apart. My emotions rebelled strongly against the idea of attacking Jim with a mindmeld. However, I also learned three other important things. This alien race has the technological power to wipe out our entire galaxy, and after what had already occurred on the holodeck, I had no doubt they would use it, if sufficiently provoked. Secondly, all of Third's clan would die, if the vision was proved false. And thirdly, in First's mind, the attack on Jim was the central aspect of the vision. He intended to keep us prisoner until this event occurred. My conclusion was that if I refused to attack Jim, not only would all of Third's clan die, but very likely, most of the billions in our galaxy. If we did not contact Starfleet within the required timeframe, they would send out a force sufficient to cripple or destroy First's vessel, which their people would see as sufficient provocation to retaliate. In spite of the billions of lives at stake, I was unwilling.

"Meanwhile, First had probed my mind and discovered the depth of my loyalty to Jim, and concluded that I would not ever attack him. However, having discovered that the seven of us were real, he was now determined to prove the vision true. Knowing it would cost his own life, he still wished to save Third's clan. So, he probed my mind, looking for ammunition. He found it in a memory that Jim and I share. I will not give you the details, because the circumstances surrounding this event are still classified, but I will say that this event was one of the most emotionally painful experiences of Jim's life. Only one other person knows of it besides me. First also extracted a series of one-liners which, taken out of context, would make it appear as if I had given him this information freely. Which in a sense I had, by permitting him to take it, but he did not know that. Before putting me back in the black box, he planted a thought in my mind that I had actually betrayed Jim.

"Back in our quarters, I was continuing to do battle with myself mentally. I knew what I had to do, but I was still unwilling. I had considered briefly the idea of trying to reason with First, but he was too steeped in emotional turmoil for any reasonable argument to have any effect. I spent much of the next several hours contemplating suicide. However, it was not in me to escape my responsibility by that method.

"Meanwhile, First's attempt to make Jim think I had betrayed him did not work, as I knew it wouldn't. Neither did my repeatedly telling him that I had. I considered telling Jim everything I knew and together staging a betrayal performance. Jim is an excellent actor, and could have performed very convincingly. But I rejected this idea, because I expected First would take him out and examine his mind, and our deceit would then be exposed. So reluctantly, I made my decision. Nothing short of a real attack would solve the problem. Furthermore, since we had already tricked him twice, this must be so brutally awful as to be thoroughly convincing. Nevertheless, I could not bring myself to do it without asking Jim's permission. This very nearly made the whole thing unsuccessful. Because, as awful as it was, Jim was convinced that I had a good reason for doing it. I expected him to battle the hate with every ounce of his considerable willpower. What I did not expect was that he continued to refuse to view my actions as betrayal. In his mind, there was never any question of the motive behind my actions.

"To explain how I felt about all this, I must give you a little of my personal history. I grew up without friends, a social outcast because of my mixed heritage. I convinced myself that friends were unnecessary, even a hindrance to my life. When I joined Starfleet, I continued to be a misfit, and I made no effort to make any friends. When I met Jim, that began to change. I discovered that he values me for who I am, without demanding that I fit into his expectations. He took the time to study my behavior and learn the small non-verbal clues about what I feel. He encouraged me not to be afraid of my human half, while never demanding that I function as a human would. Over the years, this friendship has grown to be one of the things I value above life itself. The thought of purposely destroying that friendship was unbearable. Words cannot describe the level of emotional agony. The physical agony that I experienced along with Jim during the actual attack was as nothing by comparison. Consequently, I made no effort to battle the self-hate that was unleashed at the same time.

"To my dismay, I discovered that what followed was even more difficult. When First did not immediately release us, I deduced that an act of physical violence would be required. To push Jim to the point of physical violence was more than I could manage, but I had to try. We were running out of time. I cannot describe to you what it feels like to watch such intense anguish on the face of your best friend, knowing you put it there, and knowing you must make it worse and worse, until he simply cannot take any more. It is an understatement to say that my self-loathing was greatly magnified.

"How I gained freedom from that self-hate is the subject of another session. Tonight's subject is forgiveness. I believed my actions to be unforgivable - necessary, but inexcusable. I expected to pay with my life. I also expected it to cost Jim's life. I was certain it would cost our friendship. What astonishes me even now is that our friendship remained intact throughout the ordeal. I attribute this solely to the steadfastness of James Kirk. He consistently refused to consider me his enemy, even while I made myself an enemy; he continued to display his trust in me, even while I proved myself untrustworthy; not once did he refuse to endure what I did to him, even while he knew I was purposely inflicting as much emotional pain on him as I possibly could. How he suffered so much and yet continued to consider me his friend is beyond my comprehension.

"I do not deserve your forgiveness for what I have done to your Captain. But for his sake and yours, I am asking for it. If you have the patience to wait, I would like to speak to each of you individually. But first, I would like to publicly apologize to your Captain. Jim, would you come back up here, please?"

Kirk came, albeit slowly. "Spock, you don't..." he protested.

"Jim, please. Let me do this. Before God and these witnesses, I publicly confess that what I did to you, James Kirk, was utterly wrong, completely inexcusable, and worthy of death. I am truly sorry for all the pain I have inflicted on you. I do not deserve your forgiveness, but I do desire it."

"Spock, you know I have forgiven you. I forgave you while you were doing it, and you knew it. Spock, do I understand correctly that you mean to ask forgiveness individually from every person in this room?"

"Every crew member on this ship."

"Spock, you don't have to do this."

"Jim, I want to."

Kirk stared at him for a long moment, then wordlessly gave up the argument, and retreated to his former position by the wall. Spock began with the first row of the audience and proceeded systematically row by row, through the entire crowd. He looked each one in the eye, spoke their name, and repeated his request for forgiveness.

It was a sober crowd that night. Those who had spoken with Spock left quietly. Those waiting did not talk much. A few left without waiting for Spock, but not many. For some, the wait was several hours long, but such was their respect for what Spock was doing that they chose to wait for him. He finished about 0100, with some fifty crew members left to contact individually.

One such was Dr. Chapel. He found her in Sickbay in the morning.

"Good morning, Doctor. May I have a word with you?"

"Certainly, Mr. Spock." They sat down in her office.

"Doctor, I noticed you leave the meeting last night before I had an opportunity to speak with you."

"Yes, Mr. Spock. I just couldn't stand to watch. The humiliation was just too much."

"I'm sorry. Could you tell me what it was about my behavior that made you feel humiliated?"

"Mr. Spock! I wasn't the one being humiliated. You were!"

"Doctor, my understanding of the word 'humiliation' involves a proud person being embarrassed. I do not recall feeling embarrassed. Can you describe the evidence of pride that you see in my life?"

"No, Mr. Spock, you don't understand! I've been so angry at the things they've been saying about you. And to force you to apologize in public to each one of them! The Captain had no right to make you do that!"

"Dr. Chapel, no one forced me to ask forgiveness of anyone. I did it because I believe it was the right thing to do. The Captain did not know what I planned. Had he known, he would have tried vehemently to prevent it."

He went on to discuss with her the concept of forgiveness, and the bitterness that results from the lack of it. She was able to forgive all the people who had been angry with Spock.

Scotty didn't attend the meeting at all.

"Mr. Scott, may I speak with you in private?"

"O' course, Mr. Spock." They retreated into Scotty's cubbyhole office. "What c'n I do fer ye?"

"You did not attend last night's meeting."

"That's right. I saw nae reason ta rehash it one more time. I heard what ye did, and I will say it's made a difference in the talk around here today. Did the Captain put ye up to it?"

"No; he was appalled at the idea, and would have prevented it, if he could have thought of a graceful way out. However, you are the second person to suggest that it was his idea."

"No matter. If ye've come ta ask my forgiveness, ye've got it. No need ta belabor it."

"Thank you, Mr. Scott. I am grateful."

Kirk and Spock were eating lunch the next day.

"Captain, I must apologize for not informing you of my intentions regarding that meeting."

Kirk smiled. "No apology is necessary, Spock. I know exactly why you didn't tell me, and you're right, I would have opposed it. Besides, Harb thinks it worked, so why should I complain? Though I must admit, I had no idea that you would share as openly as you did. It can't have been easy."

"No, but it was not as difficult as I expected it to be. I find that with Jesus, there is a freedom from concern about what others think of me. It is very different from pretending to be unconcerned."

"Spock, there's one thing I don't understand. Why is it so incomprehensible to you that I continued to think of you as my friend? To do otherwise would have been to give in to the hate."

"I do not believe so. You could not avoid feeling the hate. You were merely trying to avoid expressing it violently. That would have been much easier to do, and would have saved you a great deal of emotional pain, if you had admitted that I deserved to be hated."

"But you didn't!"

"You did not know that."

"No, I believed it. It would have caused me more pain to believe otherwise, than to believe you had a good reason for making me hate you. But it was not a conscious choice to decide to believe. I simply believed it. Spock, if you were me, what would you have done? If I had viciously and deceitfully attacked you, what would you think?"

"That you were not yourself."

"And after you eliminated that possibility? You became certain that I knew exactly what I had done, and was doing it on purpose. What then?"

"That I was lacking some essential data that would explain it."

"Precisely. You can't believe in my betrayal, any more than I can believe in yours. I rest my case. But next time, remind me not to believe your lies." He tried to keep a straight face, not very successfully.

"Captain, that statement is highly illogical."

"I know. That's why I made it." The grin spilled over.

"I see. Then you are teasing."

"Yes, Spock, I am. But only because we're friends." His face relaxed into a warm smile.


	29. Epilogue

Epilogue - One year later.

They were cruising at Warp Four, on their way to pick up several ambassadors from planets in the Sagittarius Arm. Kirk disliked catering to planetary ambassadors, but understood this was part of his job.

"Captain." Spock interrupted his musings. "I am picking up a reading. A vessel is approaching at faster than warp speed."

"Red Alert. Can you get me a visual?"

"On screen." They stared in amazement at the vessel approaching. All on the Bridge remembered the shape of that vessel.

Kirk sat back in the chair. "Cancel Red Alert. Uhura, see if they've installed intership voice communication."

"Aye, sir. This is the _USS Enterprise. _Please acknowledge. Captain, they're responding. It's audio only."

"Put it on the speakers."

_"... is Sixty-five, calling Captain Kirk of the starship _Enterprise_. Can you hear me?"_

Uhura nodded at Kirk. "Greetings, Sixty-five. What brings you back to our galaxy?"

_"I have been sent specifically to find you. But this time it was much easier, due to the installation of some of your technology. May I invite you to come aboard? This form of communication is somewhat unsatisfactory."_

"Will my communicator work over there? And how many of us did you want to see?"

_"Yes, your communicators should work, but probably not your transporter. And we would like as many of the seven of you as are able to come."_

"Give us fifteen minutes, then you can pick us up from here on the Bridge. Kirk out." Kirk called Sickbay. "Bones, are you doing anything important that can't wait?"

_"Jim, what kind of a question is that? I'm always doing something important."_

"If you can get to the Bridge in less than fifteen minutes, we have a visitor I think you'd be sorry to miss."

_"You're speaking in riddles, Jim, but you've got me hooked. Give me ten minutes."_

"Thanks, Bones. Kirk out." Scotty was next in Engineering. Kirk was equally vague, but Scotty came anyway, muttering about time-wasters. Everyone else was already on the Bridge, so he had them call replacements for their stations. Fifteen minutes after Kirk had talked to Sixty-five, the seven of them disappeared from the Bridge.

They found themselves in what looked like First's room, but no one was in it. Instead, each doorway held one of them, and they were not linked to each other, at least as far as Kirk could tell. He looked around at each of them in puzzlement.

"Have you got this room wired for sound? Can you hear me? If so, which of you wants to explain what's going on?" There was no response. "Opinions, Spock?"

"It is possible, Captain, that they cannot hear you. Remembering their propensity for experimental observation, it would not surprise me if this is some kind of test. Perhaps, they wish to know if you remember which is which; or possibly, whether you will initiate communication. There can be no certainty of pain-free contact. Most puzzling is the fact that they are not linked to each other."

"They don't appear to be dying." Without any further word to his crew, Kirk went unerringly to Sixty-five, wrapped two of his arms around his waist, put the ends on his head, and waited for contact. The rest of the crew followed suit, each to the same one they had joined with the previous year. Kirk had time only for a brief prayer for his crew before Sixty-five made contact. Kirk had forgotten the intensity of this pain, but immediately began giving it to the Lord.

*Greetings, Captain Kirk. As usual, Spock is correct. We did wire the room for sound, but we wished to find out if you had changed. I am pleased you have not, and gratified that you can recognize me. Not only you, but your crew as well, knew us even though we purposely changed our room locations. Are you angry with us for testing you?*

*No, it is part of who you are. But why aren't you linked to each other?*

*It was in tribute to you. To show we have not lost that which you gave us last year.*

*I am honored. Have you now rejoined your circle?*

*No. We are able to maintain long periods of separation now.*

*Is there any reason not to rejoin your circle? It seems more normal for you to be linked together.*

*Do you wish us to rejoin our ring?*

*Yes, unless there's something you're not telling me.*

*There are many things I have not yet told you, but no reason why we cannot do as you ask.* Kirk heard the next words with his ears, as well as his mind. *"The Captain wishes us to rejoin our ring."* Kirk realized Sixty-five's voice had come from a small speaker near the top of his core. *We have rejoined our ring.*

*Good. Can you find out for me whether any of my crew are having difficulty with this? As I'm sure you're aware, we do not have pain-free contact, as we did before.*

*I will check.* Pause. *All are maintaining contact, giving the pain to Jesus as you are doing, even your non-believers.*

*They are no longer non-believers. What happened last year changed all of us. They are all strong believers now. But I'm sure you didn't come all this way just to chat. What is your purpose? How can we help you?*

Sixty-five laughed. *You really haven't changed, have you?*

*Did you think I would?*

*So much has happened to us in the last year, it would not surprise me if you had changed greatly.*

*I sense grief, anguish, and sorrow in you. What happened? How can I help?*

Sixty-five showed him his memories of the past year, beginning with their return home. It took patience and endurance, but eventually they were able to lead the entire Ruling Ring to the Lord, and freedom from fear. After that, First was restored to his position of leadership. In the weeks that followed, they worked tirelessly to free each of their people. Some received; others did not. When they had reached perhaps a tenth of the people, disaster struck.

A strange disease reached epidemic proportions in a matter of days. It was discovered that the disease was transmitted through touch. Suddenly, that which had been a lifeline became a dispenser of death. The entire world was panic-stricken. With every new case, there would be dozens of people breaking contact with everyone. Most were unable to handle the isolation. Many went berserk; violent crime was rampant. In the space of two weeks, there was no one left who had not either died of the disease, or was dying due to the isolation.

Except for the ten percent who had become Christians. There were a few cases of the disease among them, but they were prayed over and were healed. The Christians were dispatched to all corners of the globe to attempt to rescue the people from their fear of isolation. It was difficult, and not always successful, but they persisted. They had learned patience and endurance from the Captain, as well as the faith that with God, nothing was impossible. They were eventually able to save approximately two-thirds of the population. Some refused to be helped, some were not reached in time, and of course, many had died from the disease itself.

As a result of the disaster, their entire society was altered. They established a means of communicating without touch. Thereafter, touch communication was reserved for close family and friends. Housing was altered, providing for the separation that was now deemed necessary. As a result of their encounter with Kirk and his crew, they had the concepts for the kind of living they must now establish. They were determined never to be caught by this kind of plague again.

*When the new structures for society were fairly well established, the Ruling Ring decided to send the delegation to find you and thank you for saving our world from complete destruction. First and Third send you their greetings, but did not think it wise to come with us at this time. They are still needed at home.*

*I grieve with you over the loss of life. I'm sure you did all you could. Nevertheless, I know what it feels like to wish you could have done more. I see now why the Lord brought us together when He did. Without what you learned in that encounter, you would not have been able to save your people. I am grateful we were able to help. Thank you for coming to tell us what happened. Would I be wrong in guessing that's not the only reason you came?*

*You are correct. We have not forgotten your request for an ambassador. Since isolation is no longer a problem, and we have a means to communicate non-telepathically, the Ruling Ring decided to honor your request. It is the least we can do for you who have saved our world. We have brought you an ambassador. One of us is prepared to transport to your vessel, and remain with your people for a period of one year. After that, we will return for him, and another of our people will take his place. Perhaps in time, one or more of your people will come to our world. Would you care to guess which of our people was chosen as the first ambassador?*

*You're playing games again, but yes, I'll guess. I think it's Twenty-nine.*

*I don't know how you do it, Captain. You are correct, it is Twenty-nine.*

*We will be glad to have him aboard. Some preparations will need to be made, however, such as a room big enough, set to appropriate gravity and air supply. Also, a way to provide for his food supply, and any other personal needs. I'll have to check with my people, but these preparations could take several hours. Last year, we spent an entire week with you. Right now, however, we don't have that much time. We are en route to pick up several other planetary ambassadors, who don't like to be kept waiting. Would it offend you and your people if we managed this transfer in less than a day? I wish we could stay and talk at length. Perhaps, we'll have more time next year.*

*It will not offend us. We, too, need to get home as soon as possible.*

*Very well, then. Have your people been sharing the story with my crew?*

*Yes, each in his own way.*

*Good; that will save time. If you'll disconnect me, we'll return when preparations are complete. I'll be in touch if we have problems.*

They managed the transfer in just four hours. Sixty-five's parting comment was an invitation for Kirk to visit their world.

Kirk laughed and said, *Maybe I will. But you know I don't like being a legend. It's bad enough in my galaxy. You've created an image of me for your people that isn't really who I am. You've created a superhero who never makes mistakes, has the courage and strength of ten men, and is full of compassion and patience besides.*

*So come and prove you're not perfect, by showing us the real you.*

*Maybe I will. Just maybe, some day, I will.*


End file.
